The Perils of Charitable Giving

We had an unusual experience lately regarding charitable giving. You know the kind; you donate a regular sum every month to a charity and it is paid from your bank account. It is sometimes called sponsorship or adoption of a cause or charity.

For example the charity would say that a particular animal is threatened with extinction and if you were to promise to donate a certain sum each month you would "adopt" such an animal. They would send you a photo of the animal, sometimes a cuddly toy too, and every so often a letter "from" the animal telling you how it is doing and how happy it is in the reserve where it is now living thanks to your donations.

Well, we were caught in a similar scheme at our Church lately. They asked us to help with continuous donations to train, (or adopt), new priests. I kindly obliged and filled in a form.

A week or so later we had a new trainee priest standing at our door. He came to live with us.

I could not believe it! I never agreed to have a priest living with us. I read the form I signed, and in very tiny small print, it said in Clause 365, Chapter 366, sub-paragraph, you'll be too tired to read thus far: "The priest will live with you until he qualifies as a fully working priest and has gained at least one A Grade in his exams".

Those Catholics had tricked me once again.

Apparently, according to the adoption scheme I signed, we have to have this priest living with us for I don't know how long. My lawyer said it is until he finishes his training. I hope he is not a slow learner.

Can you imagine what it's like having a priest living with you? I have to mind what I say and do.

For a start, I cannot watch all the usual programs I like on TV. The priest does not approve of my choice of viewing. And there's a limit to how much EWTN I can take. All this religion is doing my head in.

I have even stopped drinking my favourite whisky or can of Guinness. And yet again, there's a limit to how much coffee I can take. I am so wound up I'm likely to lose control soon. Coffee is making me run to the bathroom more often than I like to.

The trainee priest sits there quietly all day reading his books and praying all the time. Every so often he asks us, ever so politely, to test him by asking him questions from his revision books. Questions like "what does ora pro nobis mean?" And other Latin phrases which he has to learn by heart. Does anyone know how to say "Go away!" in Latin?

Worse of all, since he has been here I have had to be very nice and very good indeed. I am not myself anymore. My family has noticed and like the transformation in me. They say I am a much nicer person. That's what a lack of a good drink does to you and endless hours of EWTN. Even the cat now likes me and sits on my lap purring. It's really too much. Oh ... to be able to sin again!

I went to Confession the other day and I had nothing to tell our regular priest. Ever since we've had this trainee priest living with us, I have been turning into a Saint. I did not do one thing wrong or bad for ages. Not one impure thought, not one biscuit or chocolate too many, in fact none at all. Not one greedy piece of cake or my favourite cheese. In fact, I am losing weight as well as being saintly - maybe it's all those sins washing away.

Can YOU imagine what it would be like having a priest living with you? Seriously now. Think about it. How would it change your life? Would it change you for the better?

Another thought - Jesus is with you right now and every day. How does this affect the way you behave?