St. Onesimus and aversion

St. Onesimus

February 16th is the Feast Day on the Catholic Church's liturgical calendar of St. Onesimus. Who is he? 

In St. Paul's Letter to Philemon, the Apostle reveals that Onesimus, a slave of Philemon who had escaped, possibly with the stolen property of his master, has been with him for some time and has been of valuable service. Onesimus has also been baptized and as such is now a brother in Christ to Paul and since Philemon is also a Christian, to him as well. However, Paul is convinced that based on the Christian charity that Philemon has shown in the past, he will take back Onesimus and greet him as a brother, equal in dignity, and will not punish Onesimus or re-enslave him. And so Onesimus is to be sent back to Philemon by Paul, with this Letter as a sort of greeting and request and maybe a kind of guarantee. 

I've always been intrigued by this. Imagine you're Onesimus. You've been a slave for however long. Perhaps all your life? There must have been a reason why you escaped. Was Philemon cruel? Unlikely, given Paul’s apparent personal knowledge of Philemon’s character. (Slavery is a grave evil, but in the context of the times it was a common social institution and a person could be both a slave-owner and of noble character. Difficult to reconcile with today’s enlightened attitudes, but possible within the respective temporal context.) Or did you just have an instinctive aversion to being considered as the property of another? Perhaps you just saw an opportunity to leave and took advantage of it? 

Anyway, the punishment for escaped slaves was most likely death; very painful and not quick if you were also guilty of theft. And now your new friend, whom you've been serving and who has treated you like an equal, a person, is sending you back to your old master. With full confidence that Philemon's Christianity is the only thing standing between you and a painful death. Would you want to return? I didn't think so. Me neither.

OK, so you have this tremendous aversion to returning to your former master. You'd rather continue enjoying this new life of freedom. It's safer. At least I'm assuming he didn't want to return to Philemon. Maybe he did it with full faith and confidence, but I think he was at least a little nervous. But, your current mentor/friend/advisor/boss is telling you that “This is what you have to do. This is important. It's your mission and job now to accomplish this thing.”

We all have things we do not want to do. They can be mundane like getting out of bed in the morning or doing some chores around the house. Or they can be more involved, like doing the right thing when that is unpopular and could cause you harm. The latter is especially risky nowadays. Just try defending unborn rights or traditional marriage or common sense gender beliefs online. The horrific maelstrom of attacks from those who oppose traditional values can extend beyond mere harrassment, to outright threats to life, property and livelihood. It is enough to sap one’s courage and just "let it be," perhaps like facing the prospect of returning to your former owner. Just stay away!

On being a writer, or aspiring to be

I’m switching gears here; I had originally intended this article just for those people who seemingly want to “be a writer” but never get around to it. There are probably a million times more aspiring writers than actual working writers. By using the term “writer,” I mean someone who writes. “Authors” are those who have become published.

The reasons why people want to write but don't, or haven't, is probably an even larger number. I know, my reasons for not being published until I was 49 are long. (I’m now 61.)

Many times when I’ve read articles on writing or chapters in books on “the writing life,” I find that procrastination is a common trait amongst writers. Some go through elaborate rituals before they even type the first word. 

Perfectionism is another bane of writers. It is also an excuse to hide behind, that the story has to be “just right” and it never is.

If we were rational, we'd just give it up after a fashion and recognize that “wanting to be a writer” is an elaborate self-deception that masks a lack of willingness to do what is necessary to become a writer. We “want to be a writer” because we fantasize about “working from home” and getting paid to daydream. 

Eventually, something happens and we either die unpublished or we manage to see something of ours in print, whichever comes first. With the rise in the 21st Century of blogging and self-publishing, it is increasingly likely that we can see something of ours in print, albeit perhaps a far cry from the lavish dreams of being invited to cocktail parties and discussing our latest New York Times bestseller or composing an acceptance speech at an awards banquet.

So why is it painful? Why the long, drawn-out process from “wanting to write” to writing and getting it done?

Is it the raw naked terror of seeing something of ours in print, out there for the world to see... and the world hates it? Bad reviews? Or just that it feels like we're prostituting our fantasies and when they're published, they are no longer ours? Or similarly, we’ve come to love the characters we created and are afraid to let them out into the cold, cruel world?

St. Onesimus’ intercession

OK, so this is where I connect St. Onesimus with difficulty in getting past the aspiring writer stage. You have this tremendous aversion to physically writing your novel. Or blog post. Perfectionism afflicts you. You'd rather continue enjoying this life of wannabe writerdom. It's safer. No bad reviews. No illicit downloading of your ebooks by misguided souls who think that intellectual property should be free and deprive you of your just income. But your family/friends/Facebook/Catholic365 writer buddies/fellow indie authors/annoying conscience are all telling you that “This is what you have to do. This is important. It's your mission and job now to accomplish this thing.”

Now, I'm not equating writing with returning to a former owner. But writing, or the desire to, does have an enslavement-like hold on people. Just like harboring an aversion to attending to some other task. It's hard to overcome. There is that sweet, gauzy, misty dream of living in a cabin in the woods or in a beach house where it’s warm year-round and getting paid to daydream. Either way, whether it's giving up the dream or forging on ahead with creative courage.

Now, as a Catholic, I believe in the intercessory power of the Saints in Heaven. That "great cloud of witnesses" in Heaven that St. Paul mentions are observing us, and if God permits, can hear our wants and dreams. Since they're closer to God than we are, we can prayerfully ask them to intercede for us.

St. Onesimus understands you. He “gets” your reluctance. Although no one has to face the legal compulsion of being returned to an owner, St. Onesimus will understand quite well what you are going through regarding whatever it is that you do not want to do, whether it's writing that novel or cleaning out the garage. He can help you obtain the courage you need. 

So, the next time you have an aversion to actually doing some writing, just assume it's hopeless and you can't overcome it yourself. Just as St. Onesimus had to return to Philemon to rectify the damage done (he did steal something after all) but only did so at St. Paul's urging, so too can you get over your feelings of pain or whatever and return to the actual act of writing.

Say a prayer for St. Onesimus' intercession. Ask him for the courage to face whatever fears about writing you have.

And then get to writing! Or cleaning house! Or fixing that broken thing! Or (insert your own reluctance here.)