St. Francis de Sales' Guide to and Prayer for Controlling Anger

Today in the Gospel, we read part of Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount where He is cautioning against anger. He tells His disciples that anyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment and anyone who says “You fool” will be liable to Gehenna (Mt. 5:20-26). He is not talking about anger in general, which is one of the passions and a natural human emotion. Of itself, it is rather neutral and is neither good nor evil. However, when we allow our anger to boil over and result in a desire to cause harm to someone, it becomes evil and is a great sin. But we can also use feelings of anger for good and push for justice to be done in a lawful and peaceful way.

St. Francis de Sales offers a way to temper anger that involves practicing gentleness each day and guarding our hearts. If we recognize our anger with calmness and gentleness, we’ll be more equipped to control it. According to St. Francis, we are to collect ourselves gently and seriously at the first sign of anger. He also had a prayer that he used to control anger, and we can use it too:

O Lord, with Your help, I want to practice gentleness in daily encounters and annoyances. As soon as I realize that anger is kindled in me, I will collect myself, not with violence, but gently, and I will seek to restore my heart to peace. Knowing that I can do nothing alone, I will take care to call on You for help, as the Apostles did when they were tossed by the raging sea. Teach me to be gentle with all, even with those who offend me or are opposed to me, and even with myself, not burdening myself because of my faults. When I fall, in spite of my efforts, I will gently pick myself up and say: “Come on, my poor heart, let’s get up and leave this pit forever. Let’s have recourse to the mercy of God, and He will help us.” Amen.

Tempering our anger, especially in the heat of the moment, is not easy, but with the help of God, just as in everything else, we will be successful. We must also keep in mind that the hearts of others are not likely to be stirred to conversion or seeing our point of view when we lash out at them. Gentleness is much more likely to achieve this and it will also help us master our own passions and become more like Christ. And when we fail, just as St. Francis de Sales says, we must trust in the mercy of God and ask Him to help us pick ourselves back up and try again. Little by little, we can do our part to have others see Christ in us and turn their hearts back to Him if needed.