Faith and Doubt

It has been quite some time since I have written any articles. This past year, I made radical life changes, resulting in my finding out who my true friends were and what family members I could trust. I had become part of a new family, and had it not been for their love, support, and acceptance, the pain from my being ostracized would have been unbearable. 

During that time, my faith journey took a detour. I found myself doubting God. A profound void remained in my heart and soul no matter how hard I prayed. I felt ostracized by Him as well … 

True believers never experience doubt,right? In a perfect world, yes … but our world is not perfect, and neither are we. Saint Faustina, in her diary, describes it perfectly.

 "My mind became dimmed in a strange way; no truth seemed clear to me. When people spoke to me about God, my heart was like a rock. I could not draw from it a single sentiment of love for Him. When I tried, by an act of the will, to remain close to Him, I experienced great torments, and it seemed to me that I was only provoking God to an even greater anger. ... I felt in my soul a great void, and there was nothing with which I could fill it. I began to suffer from a great hunger and yearning for God, but I saw my utter powerlessness."  

My weakened faith was a sign of failure and a reason to be unworthy of His love and mercy, but after reading her diary, I understood that God does not see it that way. He considers those struggles a victory because it's through those struggles that I strive harder to be closer to Him. God's answer to St. Faustina confirms this, "My daughter, during the weeks when you neither saw Me nor felt My presence, I was more united to you than at times when you experienced ecstasy. And the faithfulness and fragrance of your prayers have reached Me."

I hope and pray I am not ever faced with another faith crisis, but if I am, I will hold on to God's words to St. Faustina and to what Pope Francis shared during one of his general audiences, "… Who among us has not experienced insecurity, loss, and even doubts on their faith journey? Everyone! We've all experienced this, me too. Everyone. It is part of the journey of faith; it is part of our lives. This should not surprise us because we are human beings, marked by fragility and limitations…". 

God Bless You All