"Tradwives," an Advice Columnist at Slate, and Our Lady of Fatima

Not the Bee – a news site attached to the satire site The Babylon Bee – had an interesting and frankly frightening article recently. Titled “Slate advice columnist goes full Defcon 1 over mother whose teenage daughter wants to be a housewife and stay-at-home-mom,” the piece is not satire. Many may wish it was, particularly as the author of the Not the Bee piece (going by the nom de plume “Planet Moron”) delves into the disturbing Slate article. It is possible that the person writing the letter to the advice column in Slate was “trolling” – that is, baiting the author – in order to get a reaction from her. But this possibility is perhaps less likely than many may wish.

Per Planet Moron and the woman who wrote to Slate whom he quotes, a young girl (apparently 16) has left her mother distraught via bad grades and her interest in becoming a “tradwife.” The term “tradwife” is of course a combination of the words traditional and housewife, and was coined arbitrarily some time ago to demean and denigrate women who filmed themselves living day-to-day lives at home with their husbands and children. As Reason documents in its article here, there are plenty of women in the movement who just like the aesthetics of the pioneer days or the 1950s who call themselves “tradwives,” and some women become invested in the lifestyle because they want a change from the modern life promoted by so many. Other women living what could be called the “tradwife life” quietly, and off-camera, have noted this as well, mentioning in the process that the Instagram and TikTok pieces glamorize a lot of hard and dirty work. These women and the more recognizable “tradwife” entrepreneurs are not all in the movement for religious reasons – and that’s not necessarily a bad thing!

What is unquestionably awful, however, is the reported guidance that the author of the advice column in Slate gives to the mother of the young girl (called “Rachel” for privacy reasons). Rachel apparently let her grades drop due to the influence of “tradwives” on social media, or so her mother says. This led Rachel’s mother and father to take her off those platforms temporarily as punishment for the bad grades with Rachel’s mother reaching out to Slate advice columnist Jamilah Lemieux for further ideas on what to do.

Per the Not the Bee piece linked above, Ms. Lemieux proceeded to tell the mother in her advice article to continue to do what she had done: take her daughter off social media. Nothing particularly egregious about that, and if the other suggestions had been as lenient, the column would not have made the news. But Ms. Lemieux did not stop there; instead, she went on to tell Rachel’s mother to put her daughter in therapy for deciding to be a tradwife, as well as to confine her daughter to the family home and read her feminist books over dinner every night.

That seems to be a rather disproportionate reply, doesn’t it? An abusive response, as it were. Ms. Lemieux’s further suggestion that Rachel’s mother should essentially badger her daughter with what-if scenarios about potentially abusive husbands, and her advice to tell Rachel that she “should not rely on a man” do not seem particularly less vicious. While abusive marriages occur and utter dependence upon one person for everything is not a healthy idea, that is not – according to her own mother – what Rachel really wants. She “wants to sit at home all day and make butter and quilts while homeschooling her children.”

The vision Rachel’s mother described as “relying on a man for everything” rather expresses her daughter’s hope to proactively manage a home and children, and it should be noted that both quilt and butter making can be profitable businesses for individuals today. Rachel might be a bit idealistic and optimistic in her desires (she is, after all, sixteen), but with a little guidance she could easily make such side businesses a part of her life as a home maker with a husband and children, just as many other women have throughout history. As the Not the Bee article takes pains to point out, though, that is precisely Ms. Lemieux’s – and apparently Rachel’s own stay-at-home mother’s – problem with the whole idea: Rachel wants a home and a family, with the potential for businesses she can run from home on her own rather than go into the corporate world.

Hannah Neelen, one of – if not the – most famous “tradwife” online (according to Reason.com, at least), makes a living through her site Ballerina Farm. Reason goes on to add that another famous “tradwife,” Gwen the Milkmaid, used to make her living on OnlyFans before changing the subject of her online business. Estee Williams has been interviewed by Sky News Australia several times and yet is a “tradwife,” one who has noted that the “selfishness” of modern culture absolutely despises the lifestyle she has chosen and shows off on Instagram. In general, then, “tradwives” all either know how to or are learning how to run a business and keep doing business when they trade in their old job or career for that of stay-at-home-mom or home maker.

As both Not the Bee and Reason agree, the problem that Ms. Lemieux, Rachel’s mother, and many other critics have with “tradwives” isn’t that they are not making money. It is that they are making money as a side gig while they marry and raise children (most of them, at least – some aren’t married to their man, according to the Reason article). These women are showing other women that they can be happy running a home with children and a loving husband and not lose or miss out on a career by doing so. They often do this tacitly and without necessarily realizing it, according to Reason.com, though the longer they are attacked for their choices, the more likely these “tradwives” will fight back.

Even if the letter to Ms. Lemieux eventually proves to be false (these days, one must be cautious), Ms. Lemieux’s response irrevocably proves that feminism has become a byword for misandry – that is, hatred of men. By extension this means that rabid and absolutist feminists despise the women who actually love men and wish to marry them, have children with them, and run their homes with them. It also illustrates why several such feminists dislike or actually hate children.

Catholics should certainly rejoice over and investigate the opportunities provided by the “tradwife” movement. We should also be well warned, since according to some theologians Satan hates women more than anyone else; the Mother of God has a higher place in heaven than Lucifer did and he was the highest angel in all the nine choirs before he nosedived due to monumental hubris and envy. As Anthony Esolen points out in his book No Apologies: Why Civilization Depends on the Strength of Men, Satan goes after Eve when Adam is not nearby to support and protect her. The sexes were designed to complement and complete one another, and without even friendly ties let alone a romantic union, they are easier to conquer separately than together.

Nowhere is this more apparent today than with the prevalence of and devotion to abortion, as well as the near-frothing fury of those asking “why does [America] need more kids” in relation to the Alabama Supreme Court’s ruling that “frozen embryos can be considered people,” allowing those parents who lose frozen embryos due to negligence, to discarding, or just as likely, human experimentation – among other things – to sue IVF clinics. The widespread disdain for men and their “toxicity” only further inflames the issue. (It also makes this panicked article over the Y chromosome “disappearing” in a million or so years due to “degradation” rather darkly amusing.) With the rise in “tradwives” and their presence online, the not-so-subtle hatred many a stay-at-home wife has had to endure since at least the 1960s is coming out in the open, with Lemieux’s “deprogramming” advice being among the most blatant attacks to date.

Not all aspects of the “tradwife” movement or trend may be healthy or even in line with Catholic teaching. But overall, it at least seems more helpful than harmful, as anything not taken to extremes can and would be. It is also not occurring in a vacuum, as we have seen with the overturning of Roe v. Wade in 2022 in the Dobbs v. Johnson decision. The Alabama Supreme court decision and Kentucky considering a child support bill that would make it necessary for child support to begin at conception are part of this.

At Fatima, Our Lady promised the three children, “In the end, my Immaculate Heart will triumph!” While it may be a lot to hope, we may yet be seeing a glimpse of that triumph. Things are changing – what seemed certain even four years ago is not so certain now. If the “tradwife” movement inspires women to seek home and family versus a career with years of resultant isolation and attendant frustration, then perhaps more good may be done there than is already apparent.

Of course, there is only one way to find out. Grab your rosary, say your prayers, and then look up the “tradwife” trend. You might find people there you would not meet otherwise, and people whom God wants you to help (or whom He wants to help you) who you would not encounter elsewhere!