Finding Solace at the Foot of the Cross

When I was in formation in the convent, I often found myself reflecting on Good Friday. It was day in and day out that I experienced incredible suffering at the hands of my novice mistress; constant verbal, psychological, emotional, and spiritual abuse that seemed to be neverending. Often, when I was in between chapel duties, prayer, and meals, I would find myself sitting cross-legged on the hardwood floor of my bedroom clutching tightly the crucifix that I would take off my wall to hold against my chest. My heart would be comforted in knowing that I was experiencing suffering together with Christ, I was not alone.

Good Friday is the most solemn and somber day of the year for Catholics. It is a day when the Tabernacle is empty, the sanctuary devoid of light, crucifixes covered with a violet-colored veil, holy water is absent from the fonts, and Mass is not celebrated in any Catholic Church worldwide. However, Christ's crucifixion isn't a tale of despair, but instead a narrative of hope and redemption, culminating in the Resurrection.

Despite enduring and excruciating torment, Christ remained steadfast in His love for humanity, never wavering from the Father's will. At the Cross, the Son of God forgave all for their transgressions, pleading with His Father to forgive His tormentors. The crucifix serves as a reminder of God's greatest act of love for His people.

Those who have suffered abuse in the convent can find strength in the power of forgiveness through their Catholic faith. While forgiveness may be challenging, particularly in cases where abuse led to the loss of a vocation, it can bring peace and freedom from the kind of pain that can eat someone alive. By forgiving, we can liberate ourselves from the hurt and embark on a journey towards healing. If we do not free ourselves then we remain wounded and can wound others, but if we are set free then we can become wounded healers. Henri Nouwen once said "When our wounds cease to be a source of shame and become a source of healing, we have become wounded healers." 

The crucifixion of Christ also teaches us that suffering is not meaningless. Though we may question why God allows us to endure pain, it plays a significant role in us becoming more and more united to Christ. Just as Christ's sacrifice granted us salvation and redemption, our own suffering can be offered up to receive grace for ourselves, and for others within the Mystical Body of Christ.

As we reflect on Good Friday at the foot of the cross let us contemplate the suffering of Christ and recognize that even the Son of Man was not exempt from suffering. Christ came not to eradicate pain and suffering but to save us from our sins and restore the relationship between God and humanity.

When we gaze upon the crucifix, let us meditate on the power of forgiveness and the transformative nature of suffering in our lives. While the pain of abuse may never fully dissipate, we can turn to our Catholic faith for hope and healing, knowing that Christ is always with us in our suffering.