Why Did Thomas Doubt?

The story of “Doubting Thomas” is well known to all Catholics. Every Divine Mercy Sunday, we hear the Gospel proclaimed in which Jesus appears to all of the apostles, sans Thomas. We hear the Ten exclaiming with excitement to Thomas that they had seen the risen Lord, and Thomas’s famous reply, “Unless I put my finger into the nail marks and my hand into His side, I will not believe.”

We likewise can vividly recall the words Our Lord spoke to Thomas when He appeared to them the following week, with Thomas being in their midst. “You believe because you have seen Me; blessed are they who have not seen but believe.” We know that Thomas doubted, and year after year we hear priestly admonitions on homilies on this Gospel not to be like Thomas and doubt the promises of Christ. But an essential question remains: why did Thomas doubt?

Thomas was One of the Most Passionate Disciples

In the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead, in all of the conversations between Jesus, Martha, and Mary, we forget that Thomas plays an important role. In the Gospel of John, when Jesus journeys to Bethany to raise Lazarus from the dead, the disciples are incredulous when Jesus tells them that they are going to go to Bethany. Bethany is in Judea, and the region has become increasingly hostile to the teachings of Jesus. In fact, anti-Jesus sentiment is running so strongly among the Jewish leaders that the disciples fear (correctly) that a return to Judea and ultimately Jerusalem means the death of Jesus (and/or themselves).

When Jesus firmly tells His disciples that they will go back to Judea regardless, Thomas addresses the others and says, “Let us also go, that we may die with Him.” (John 11:16, NRSVCE)

That is interesting that John would choose to include that particular detail in his Gospel, particularly given that it is from John’s Gospel we have the entire story of Thomas doubting the Resurrection in the first place. Thomas is the first of the disciples to admit, well before the declarations of all the Twelve at the Last Supper that they would be willing to stay at Christ’s side come what may, that to follow Jesus means potentially giving up one’s life for His sake. Thomas is ardently, passionately, following Our Lord.

Passionate Hearts, When Broken, Struggle to Overcome the Pain of Healing

Hearts that are so passionate and so forceful in their love, when shattered, struggle to heal and reclaim their old passions when they have been broken. Peter was impetuous and decisive, but not passionate. John was intimate, loyal, and close to the bosom of Christ, but not passionate. James and John were the sons of thunder, tempestuous and quick to anger, but not passionate. Thomas is ardently, passionately, a disciple of Our Lord.

Imagine, then, the grief of Thomas at the death of Our Lord. Even more so than the other disciples, imagine how his heart was especially torn asunder when Jesus died, and seemingly all hopes of the promise of His mission died with Him. And now imagine his brethren coming and joyfully reporting “we have seen the Lord.” Was Thomas’s doubt really a refusal to accept that Jesus was risen from the dead, as they said? Or were those the words uttered from the depths of a heart so broken by grief, fearful of allowing hope to return to those depths just so that it could be broken once more?

True Doubt would Not Have Led to the Profession of Jesus’s Godhead

After Jesus orders Thomas to put his finger into the nail marks and his hand into Our Lord’s side, Thomas utters the proclamation, “My Lord and my God!” (John 20:28, NRSVCE)

This is the first time that Jesus’s Godhead has been so explicitly acknowledged by one of the disciples. Peter’s confession of faith was in Jesus as being the Messiah, the Son of God; that confession never included an explicit statement that he viewed Jesus as being God Himself. Certainly, Peter as a good Jew would have recognized that Jesus as the Messiah came from God, but he stopped short of referring to Jesus as a Divine Person. Thomas, on the other hand, shows no such hesitation in his profession.

Putting it plainly, the recognition of the other disciples directed towards Jesus was, “You are our Master, Jesus.” The recognition of Thomas was, “You, Jesus, our Master, are God.”

Jesus gently chastises Thomas, asking him if he believes because he has born witness to the Risen Lord. His rebuke is not born out of a rejection of Thomas, because Thomas refused to see without believing. He knows how hard it would have been for passionate Thomas to have to hear all the excitement from his brethren about having seen Jesus risen from the dead, and how much Thomas’s heart must have warred within himself between longing to believe it was true versus shying away from lending hope to something at the risk of it being broken again. His question to Thomas is not one of rejection, but rather a gentle conviction to return to the ardent, passionate person Our Lord knew Thomas to be when He called Thomas.

Where are Our Thomas Moments?

It can be easy to mock Thomas for not believing in Jesus, and to convince ourselves that we are in good shape because of Jesus’s line “Blessed are they who have not seen, but believe.” But, considering Thomas’s shattered heart and how that caused him to respond to a moment of profound faith, are we really that different from Thomas?

Have we had moments of extreme grief in our lives, when we have been reminded that the Lord has drawn near to us, and we reject Him and push away the notion that He would want to come to us in our wrecked state?

Have we had moments of self-loathing, where we refuse to believe even despite all of the words of consolation and teachings we hear, that Jesus wants to draw near to us and extend us His mercy for the forgiveness of sin?

Have we had times where we were passionately committed to something that we knew we were good at, it was taken away from us, and then were reluctant to be drawn back into it when it was offered to us again in a different way than before?

If those, or any moments like them, are relatable to you, guess what? You had a Doubting Thomas moment.

But take courage! Just like Jesus came to Thomas in the midst of his internal struggle, and gave him strength and peace, so too will He do for us. Believe without seeing first, and the sight of faith will come in time. Blessed be the Lord who draws near to the brokenhearted, and the spirits of those who are crushed!