Submission of Wives: the Popular yet Controversial Christian Marriage

Inequality and mastery over another person has always been at odds with Christian moral teaching, and was a topic of wonderment that set the early Christians apart from their contemporary counterparts.  Even in a society which upheld superiority and mastery of men over women, Christians have always maintained an understanding of the equality of the sexes, especially within the confines of the marital union.  It is a bit odd, then, that St. Paul would use language that specifically would appear to contradict equality within marriage and seems to bear witness to the modern accusation that the Church hates women.  I am, of course, talking about the infamous Ephesians 5 passage from the New Testament.  JPII himself acknowledges this passage to be controversial even for the time the author was writing it, claiming that “ the author of Ephesians is not afraid to accept the concepts that were characteristic of the mentality and customs of the time… not afraid of speaking about the submission of the wife to the husband (Man and Woman He Created Them, p. 474)”.  Why should the author have cause to fear using this language unless it were to appear contradictory to engrained Christian belief of equality between man and wife?  In this controversial passage, Paul lays out the foundation for understanding the family as a “little church”, and as the proper building block, smallest unit of society.

He begins the letter to the Ephesians by “presenting the eternal plan of man’s salvation in Jesus Christ”, and acknowledging that everything we do is within the context of this salvation plan.  From there, Paul proceeds to outline the ramifications of living within the context of the salvation plan, giving specific instruction as to what the Christian life looks like, especially within the context of the family.  It must be noted that for St. Paul, a marriage was not simply a contract between two persons but was a covenant of love between the spouses and a vocation in its own right, the natural joining of persons as the first community.  The bond within the family (beginning with the spouses) is “fear of Christ… which springs from the profound consciousness of the mystery of Christ [and which] must constitute the basis of the reciprocal relations between the spouses (p. 472)”.  Fear of Christ creates the similarity of character between the spouses which is the foundation of true friendship and blossoms into love above and beyond the dictates of man’s inclinations to community for survival and reproduction.  It is the basis for beholding each other as a subject within a unique relationship with God Himself and requires “mutual submission of the spouses (p. 473)”.

It is only after establishing the context within which man and woman come together in the Christian household and that there is mutual subjection between the spouses does Paul posit that wives be subject to their husbands.  He does so in a manner that neither further subjects the wife nor gives mastery to the husband.  Paul is not here claiming something akin to all animals are equal, but some are more equal than others (from Animal Farm).  Instead, wives should find their motivation for submission to their husbands from the preexisting relationship with Christ, who is head over both husband and wife within the family.  Similarly, in the next sentence Paul exhorts husbands to “‘love your wives’,…[taking] away any fear that could have been created by the earlier sentence”.  Love is the foundation of the relationship between Christ and the Church, excluding any sort of semblance of mastery, servitude, or property.  Christ has made Himself subject to the Church out of love and in total gift of Himself, just as the Church gives herself back to Him with her total gift of self; likewise, husbands and wives are subject to each other “through a reciprocal gift, which is also a mutual submission (p. 474)”.  

The family as a Sacrament is a model of Christ and the Church.  It is analogous to the metaphysical realities surrounding the Creation of the Church through the Paschal Sacrifice of Christ and the outpouring of the Holy Spirit on Pentecost.  The entire analogy falls apart if the premise of mutual love of Christ between the spouses is ignored, or if either exhortation to husbands or wives is not treated with.  Just as the Church makes no sense outside of the context of Christ, so too submission makes no sense outside of the context of Christian love.