My Best Friend/ The Holy Spirit
In the presence of mourners during a funeral vigil
During a recent passing of a mother and her decision to be cremated in lieu of inground burial the pattern of spiritual celebrations changed in their executions. The loss of a loved one never gets any easier regardless of the method to remember the deceased. It all becomes viable depending on the decisions the dying person or their power-of-attorney makes.
In this case, the woman asked to have no viewing and asked to be cremated. One of her sons accepted my offering of a vigil ceremony which proved to be a positive relief of some of the grief the other family members were carrying. It took a couple of days before he and his wife could make it to my house where the vigil would take place. Since there was no funeral parlor for a viewing we just arranged for a small vigil a few days after her passing.
With the several funerals that I had presided over, when the deceased had no church affiliation, the preparation was not difficult remembering that like weddings, many attendees are not constant church-goers. With that in mind, a lot of the specifics used i.e. readings and prayers will be foreign to the attendees ears. It is almost like using catechesis for new Christians.
I discovered that addressing a few people instead of a large gathering makes the celebration a very personal event. One or two of those in attendance left a feeling of complete acceptance of being with Christ in a personal touch of God’s love. Each word read or spoken revealed the loss of the son’s mother and the tears were real and compassionate. Perhaps the closest this scene could be was when Jesus asked where have you laid him? They said to him, “Sir, come and see,” And Jesus wept. So the Jews said, “See how he loved him.” (Jn 11: 34 - 36).
The amount of tears shed by loved ones do not indicate the depth of love one has for a deceased person. What is in their heart does. As I continued with the vigil readings and the homily given, throughout this son’s tears there were signs of the real closeness he had, and now has lost.
Within the irony of a small but undying truth of the presence of God through the ministry of Holy Orders, we can usually feel that gift of our becoming the hands and voices of Almighty God. That alone is the realism of the gifts the Holy Spirit endows the ordained with.
The deceased persons family are considering a memorial for their mother at a later date, and if I am asked to lead this, it will be part of the steps of a funeral i.e. vigil, church service without Mass, and a final commendation. All or one of these Church related events prepares those who are left to remember her life as a continuation of this past of suffering is now a birth into eternity with God.
Death no longer has control over her soul; Jesus destroyed that on the Cross of redemption from eternal death.
Ralph B. Hathaway