Is That Man You?

[Below was first a private letter. The subject was response to an article published on Catholic365 or, more specifically, one aspect of the article referencing TMIY (That Man is You is a wonderful program committed to forming Godly Catholic men). With some good controversy having some wings, as an occasion for deeper conversion, I saw value in making it an open letter and muting personal associations. The context will explain itself. Your comments are encouraged.]

It was great to see you and family yesterday. I'm glad you asked me about TMIY. I've heard there's been "hub bub" from more than a few people regarding my article. My first question has been, "Did you read the article?" HERE's the link.

In absence of reading it, the lingering rumor seems to be: "Greg doesn't think TMIY is effective." Couldn't be further from the truth. TMIY Founder, Steve Bollman, is a friend. I've flown out there twice for multiple days to discuss TMIY. He's one of our national advisers.

Here's the thing. Our surveys of events reveal a major challenge to men... and parishes. Among these audiences of highly motivated "church" men, most recognize the importance of living it out in their homes (90%+). The problem is that we equate knowledge and familiarity with actually living it out. While many of these are engaged in "church activity" (50%), asked if they devote substantial time to talking and praying in their homes... or are willing to, it drops to under 5%!

A recent PEW study suggests the same: no more than 13% of church going families even pray before meals!

The interesting thing is, after that article someone from a TMIY group shared with me that some people were offended. I explained the above, and he understood. A day later another TMIY friend contacted me. We had a great opportunity to connect. Sharing with him this great disconnect between familiarity and actual engagement in marriage and family, in so many words he humbly admitted, "that man is me."

The conclusion is not that such programs are not impactful. I know they are. But they can be like men going to classes at a weight room, becoming familiar with what it takes to get strong, course after course... perhaps even picking up a barbell once in awhile, certainly, during "church moments" they're together... everything but being engaged where it most matters-- in the home-- in a dedicated, disciplined way.

Like Samuel to David, perhaps this constitutes the prophetic challenge to men today: Are we living it? Is that man us? If the shoe doesn't fit, we don't need to wear it. But what if it does?

The reality is that 80% of Catholics are gone by age 23. The reality is that most homes of even Mass attending Catholics are not cultures of intentional encounter and formation in Jesus Christ. This is our measure of success. This is our purpose.

This is a failure of God-designed masculinity. Most wives and children do not regard their husbands and fathers as the spiritual leaders of their households. They are not putting the flag in the sand in intentional ways-- regularly calling their families to talk and pray. Most men think they're just fine with their church activity. Most are contented with spiritual entertainment, not discipleship engagement. They're not being men. They're not stepping up and leading.

And our world is suffering as a consequence. And our witness as "church" is suffering as a consequence.

We can and should look to parishes and families that are evidently succeeding. Fr. John Riccardo's parish had over 3200 events going on every year. He recognized the core problem of "church activity" without core, uniting purpose and mission in Jesus Christ. He expressed to his congregation that he would be failing them as a pastor if he didn't invite them to more fully encounter Jesus Christ. He suspended all church activity for one year and introduced Alpha. 1200 families signed up. The fruit has been amazing. It's revolutionized families and parishes. They’re “living it.” At the core they vitally encourage and support families and groups talking and praying. It is truly amazing.

Two very important points in all this.

Point one: Of course there are a few men who really are engaged. Regardless of "level," they have stepped up and are not only discovering the difference, they are difference makers in their marriages and homes. Thank you for being one in our lives and others!

Point two: God meets people where they're at. Of course people have to begin somewhere. These intuitively know they were made for something greater. They intuitively know we've got to be about more than so many disconnected church activities. They need and want clarity, specificity and unity in purpose of mission. They want and need support and encouragement. They want and need real accountability on a real path. They want and need someone to validate their "power from on high" (Luke 24:49) call to get in the game.

Of course, all this is what Mass Impact Kingdom Builders is all about. Throw away names and brands, our arrows are pointing towards Jesus Christ alive in families and parishes. We're incomplete, imperfect, broken and in need. If we weren’t sinners, we wouldn’t need a Savior. We’re simply wanting to respond to the call to be men after God's own heart, disciples of Jesus Christ, seeking His heart for our wives and families, and laying down our lives for the same (Eph. 5).

Blessings to you and your family. Please keep us in your prayers and be assured of ours for you!