Stop self-fulfilling prophecies!

Inner vows are promises made to ourselves when we say that we absolutely WILL or absolutely WILL NOT do something. This is an attempt to control our lives and protect ourselves from further pain. This is very understandable, and we all do this at times! However, these vows we make to ourselves are rooted in unholy self-reliance (aka, pride!) rather than in trust and dependence on God. 

Inner vows are tricky to spot because they can seem good on the surface. Dr. Bob Schuchts in his book Be Healed gives the example inner vow of “I will never get a divorce.” Though this seems like a good thing to promise to yourself, making this vow out of a fear of divorce rather than out of a holy desire for faithfulness can make it a bad thing. It’s a subtle distinction, but an important one. Being motivated to seek the good rather than avoiding the bad, and relying on God rather than ourselves, makes all the difference!

Here's the kicker, inner vows often become self-fulfilling prophecies. Did you catch that? I’ll say it again for the people in the back: INNER VOWS OFTEN BECOME SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECIES. You can think of the classic example of someone saying "I will never be like my parents," who inevitably becomes just like their parents. Though the end goal might be the the same (i.e., to not get a divorce), when we’re motivated by fear we act differently than when we’re motivated by love. This subtle difference can start to bring about what we fear. 

It works like this: DON'T think about a pink elephant! What are you thinking of right now? Probably a pink elephant. Similarly, you can imagine someone who is worried about avoiding divorce may be insecure in their marriage, withdraw from their spouse, or do any number of little things that could actually end up hurting their marriage, all because of this underlying fear of divorce. And this can happen unconsciously over many years.

The good news is, you can stop getting in your own way with this! When you suspect that you have run into one of those pesky inner vows in your life, it’s a sign that it’s time to take it to prayer.

Here is a simple prayer to surrender these unholy inner promises to the Lord:

In the name of Jesus Christ and by the power of my baptism (Yes, you have power in Christ by virtue of your baptism!) I renounce and repent of the inner vows that… __________________. Jesus, I now surrender this to you and ask that in your goodness you bless this situation and bring about a good outcome in accordance with your will. 

You may have felt your heart tighten up as you read that prayer. Let me clarify something: renouncing an inner vow does not mean that you are asking for the opposite to happen. Meaning that if you renounce the unholy vow made to yourself that “I will never get a divorce,” this does not mean that you want to get a divorce or that you will get a divorce. You are just releasing yourself from the futile attempt at control, and choosing to instead trust in the Lord’s power to protect you. And the truth is, God’s power is infinitely stronger and better than our own anyway, so trusting in his power instead of our own is always going to work better.

If you’re still having trouble praying that prayer and releasing your inner vows to God, this might be a sign that there is more hurt underneath that still needs to be healed. This can be a great opportunity to enter into that underlying pain with the Lord and allow him to heal it. If you have a fear of divorce, maybe your parents’ divorce is the pain underneath it. If you’re afraid of failure, maybe there’s an early childhood failure that’s burned into your brain. If you’re unsure, ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you the situation that’s still hurting you. Then, allow yourself to feel the hurt again and tell Jesus about it. I know this can be hard, but it is necessary and so good to move through the pain into freedom. With Christ, you can stop these self-fulfilling prophecies and stop holding yourself back!

This is based on the inner-healing prayer process developed and taught by Dr. Bob Schuchts of the John Paul II Healing Center, of which I am a trained healing prayer minister. For more information, please visit jpiihealingcenter.org and consider attending one of their events.

This article was originally posted on kelleycatholic.com.