Mother's Day: A Day of Pain

Today is Mother’s Day!

A day in which we celebrate the moms, the mamas, and the mothers in our lives. Many people today are grateful to have to remember their mothers, no matter if they are living or dead. Mothers should be honored, they should be celebrated, and they should be loved. Motherhood is one of the greatest states of life a woman can have. To the many great and loving mothers, I wish you a Happy Mother’s Day!

However, this article is a bit different. For many people, including me, Mother’s Day is a time of heartache and pain. Many men and women, sons and daughters, have had rocky relationships with their mothers. They may not speak to them, they may wish they were dead, they may feel great animosity towards them. Sometimes they find that the fourth commandment of honoring thy mother is truly an obstacle to overcome. 

This can be for several reasons. Physical abuse, verbal abuse, or sexual abuse. Drugs have gotten involved, families are split apart by divorce. Many reasons may warrant such hatred. Some may find this understandable, some may not. Some may be quick to forgive the past, some may not.

In some of this, I feel your pain. Mother’s Day is my least favorite holiday. The relationship with my mother is a dead relationship. I have tried to avoid her at all costs for nearly a decade after many painful experiences with her during the divorce of my parents. It is a relationship that I wish was over for good. It has caused me great pain. One that I bury deep in my heart and in my soul. However, somehow, at times I still pray for her. I don’t pray for a mother anymore. I am a grown man, but I do pray for the woman that I once called mommy to embrace God again. I pray that she might change, but at the same time, it is so hard to do. It is especially hard at the Communion rail when I feel as if my soul is in danger over the matter. A matter that I can’t seem to resolve. My mother has wanted for years to have contact, but on her terms, and I can’t accept her terms. I don’t want to rehash the past. She wants to be a mother now, but I needed a mother ten years ago and during my teenage years. She couldn’t be bothered to change. 

I don’t write this for sympathy or compassion, I am writing this to all the sons and daughters who may be experiencing the same thing. I want you to know, that you aren’t alone, that you have a right to be upset, a right to be angry. However, don’t let that anger overcome you. Be what your parent couldn’t, and be the drops of mercy and grace in the lives of others, especially children, your own or not. Maybe a day will come, when we will reconcile with those who hurt us, with our mothers in this situation. Maybe it will be here on earth, maybe it will be in heaven. Only God knows for now.

In the meantime, remember that Christ gave His Blessed Mother to St. John the Beloved Apostle at the foot of the Cross. In doing this, Jesus gave Mary as the Mother of all Christians (John 19:26-27). In my times of trouble when I’ve needed a mother, I have run to Mother Mary, I have prayed the Rosary, I found hope when all seemed lost, I found the advice that only a mother could give, even if the Blessed Mother couldn’t be with me physically. Even if our Blessed Mother worked through other women. No matter what, I found a Mom in Mary. I am a mama’s boy, a son of Mary. I find peace, hope, joy, comfort, and love in her presence.

When it seems like all is lost, when you can’t turn to your earthly mother, turn to the Blessed Mother, she will never let you down.

My Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ, the pain and heartache may be unbearable on this day but don’t forget about grace, mercy, and love. Be what your mother couldn’t be in this lost and broken world. This same article could apply to many on Father’s Day as well, in that case, be the Father that your dad wasn’t. No matter what, remember there is hope, joy, and forgiveness in Christ who tells us to cast all of our burdens on Him, for His yoke is easy and His burdens are light (Matthew 11:28-30). Cast all your anxieties on Him, for He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). He is there, waiting to embrace and comfort you in your troubles and trials, some of which, you might be having on this day. Trust in Him, Trust in Jesus, Trust in the Savior, who never fails!

To my Grandmother and Step-Grandmother, to the Mothers who have been motherly to me, Happy Mother’s Day. Even if you aren’t my actual mother, I am so thankful for the love of you women and the impact you all have made on my life. 

In closing, I invite you to reflect on this passage from the Angelus of September 10th, AD 1978 by Pope John Paul I,

"'You have forsaken us, you have forgotten us!' 'No!'—He replied through Isaiah the Prophet—'can a mother forget her own child? But even if it should happen, God will never forget his people'. Also we who are here have the same sentiments; we are the objects of undying love on the part of God. We know: he has always his eyes open on us, even when it seems to be dark. He is our father; even more he is our mother. He does not want to hurt us, He wants only to do good to us, to all of us. If children are ill, they have additional claim to be loved by their mother. And we too, if by chance we are sick with badness, on the wrong track, have yet another claim to be loved by the Lord.” 

In Mary Our Mother,

God Love You,

Lawrence T. Westfall