St. Francis de Sales Wants You to Have Holy Friendships!

Join us as we explore profound spiritual insights from another vibrant chatroom discussion. Occurring on Palm Sunday, we delve into the beauty of finding joy in others' spiritual success and the importance of holy relationships, especially for the celibate.

Join us as we reflect on St. Francis's call to simplicity and the meaningful ways we can deepen our connection with God during the sacred season of Lent. Let's journey together through these heartfelt conversations and find inspiration in the shared wisdom of our community.

And check out our Living Jesus Chat Room of the Visitation Sisters. Each Sunday we read a passage of St. Francis de Sales and then gather great insights and sharing.

Finding Joy in Others

Question: Why is it good to find joy in the success (especially spiritually speaking) of others?

Priscila: Because others' holiness reflects the goodness and the working of God.

Sherry: This came to my mind, the last line of the Litany of Humility. THAT OTHERS MAY BECOME HOLIER THAN I, PROVIDED THAT I MAY BECOME AS HOLY AS I SHOULD… Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

Sandy: That’s very nice. Yes, it is important to celebrate the success of others…. why because it takes the focus off of “the self” …because it urges us to observe “the other” and to find Christ in the other.

Visitation Sister: “others” are our “other selves” we often say in the monastery, so it is all who benefit.

Sherry: Wow. So many great answers.

Sandy: Others are our other selves…that’s nice!

Visitation Sister: I will repeat the question: Why is it good to find joy in the success (especially spiritually speaking) of others?

Sandy: Because it reinforces their spiritual growth and also our own.

Priscila: God is being glorified through them.

Sherry: I must confess —- I did not find any joy in the spiritual success of others, when I was in the dark dark night of the senses. UFF. I hardly could speak it hurt so much. That GOD would grace them with so many consolations and I felt like being dropped in the desert alone. It was like watching your best friend marrying the love of your life.

Visitation Sister: Painful.

Sherry: I think I am dealing with this better now. At least a bit.

Holy Relationships

Question 2: Why are holy relationships important, even for celibate individuals?

Sandy: I wonder why you phrased the question that way. What does celibacy have to do with holy relationships? In a sense one can have a “holy” relationship with a pet, with the trees, the grass, the birds, the ocean….in my humble opinion.

Visitation Sister: I did not write that, but I will check with the one who did.

Priscila: Even celibate individuals need to have conversations to help each other.

Sandy: OK thanks….it leads the reader (me) to think someone (the writer) thinks only noncelibate people can have holy relationships. Sorry to belabor the point. (smiles).

Priscila: People can’t just sit and contemplate by themselves and expect to make spiritual progress.

Sandy: Really? Wow, I’d say the monks, hermits might disagree with you. But I understand your point.

Rebecca: Sherry, the difference is that the bridegroom of your best friend can have only one wife. God’s love is not restricted to one person. It takes nothing away from his love for you, for your best friend to Love him and be loved by him, too. But I guess you know that now.

Sherry: Such a good point, Rebecca… I just missed the voice of the lover of my soul so much in the dryness of prayer time – and everything in me wanted to hear HIS voice again – and people around me – were blessed with HIS voice. It just hurt. God graced me with a beautiful holy relationship with a priest here in our diocese. We meet now weekly on the phone – and just speak to each other about God’s goodness and how we can see God work in our lives. There is absolutely NOTHING impure in this relationship – but it is life giving to both of us. And we acknowledge it. Because it is so obviously God inspired – we never had the urge to even define it.

Priscila: Even Jesus had friends and was sad to leave them.

Visitation Sister: St Francis de Sales wrote a lot for the laity, and he was of the firm opinion that lay people need holy friendships because they do not always live in an externally holy environment.

Sandy: Can you talk more about this: Francis’s opinion.

Visitation Sister: He basically said friendships, spiritual ones, are essential for lay people.

Sandy: Thank you.

Visitation Sister: It is in the Introduction to the Devout Life in the chapter, On Friendship: Evil and Frivolous Friendship.

Sandy: Thank you, Sr. Susan.

Visitation Sister: Then there are more chapters on good friendship.

Sandy: Ok I will read that.

Visitation Sister: See Introduction to the Devout Life: Part III, Chapter 19, Real Frienship.

Sandy: Very good. Thank you, Sr. Susan.

Sherry: I totally agree. That is one big part why I became Salesian. I think that we as Catholics are not often well instructed and encouraged how to live holy friendships well.

Sandy: Sherry, are you a Salesian sister, or lay person?

Sherry: Oh, I am only a lay person, Sandy. But a consecrated Daughter of St. Francis de Sales.

What is a Holy Friendship?

Sandy: Should we define what “holy friendships” mean?

Sherry: Good point, Sandy.

Visitation Sister: Real friendship.

Sherry: For me a “holy friendship” is – that the “glue” of our friendship is GOD – and that the work of GOD in each other’s life is the middle ground.

Sandy: Just googled and got: Holy friendships are mutual and sacred relationships deeply rooted in God’s love.

Visitation Sister: Beautiful.

Sherry: I was invited into a Catholic women’s group – a big organization – and they claim to live “holy or spiritual friendships.” It is the disappointment of the year for me. All they do is – pray 1 minute before their meetings – and then talk about fundraising. And food. All the time. That is not a holy friendship for me.

Sandy: Encouragement of each other’s spiritual growth.

Sherry: Yes, mutual encouragement is a big part. By the way, just to clarify, the Catholic organization I was talking about was NOT the Daughters of St. Francis de Sales. Just wanted to make sure there is no misunderstanding.

Visitation Sister: If it is centered in Jesus, He will show up in some way: either a great peace overflows, or insights, something happens within.

Sandy: I’m a “mercy associate” and that is what that group does for each other…. it’s the “concept” and they do a nice job of trying to put it into practice.

Sherry: Mercy associate. This sounds lovely. Is that an organization itself or in what is this embedded, Sandy?

Sandy: I don’t know what “embedded” means. Mercy Associates are affiliated with the Mercy Sisters.

Sherry: Thanks, Sandy. That is helpful.

Rebecca: BTW today with Associates of the SSJ we discussed a maxim of Fr. Biddy (Sp?) That said the same as this point of St. Francis de Sales—about rejoicing in the success of OTHERS.

Sandy: Very nice!

The Beauty of Simplicity

Question: St. Francis recalls a serene moment watching pigeons feed while smaller birds waited their turn. Why is it so important to pause our busy lives and drink in such moments of simplicity (which might otherwise be seen as insignificant and ignorable by others).

Sandy: Because God is present in the big and little things in life (simple answer).

Sherry: Simple is best, Sandy.

Priscila: And He teaches us lessons even through them.

Sherry: Spiritual laws can be often best understood through nature. That said, the birds fighting daily around my bird feeder are not Catholic, I think. Sometimes, it is touching though. How the simple soul of animals have justice engrained in them. One might wonder – where we lose that “natural love for others” so easily nowadays.

Priscila: Or perhaps they have too much.

Sherry: That is an interesting thought, Priscila.

Sandy: I listened to this author on NPR (researcher at the Univ of Vermont), she is a lay person and she is basically saying the same thing: Birding to Change the World: A Memoir Hardcover – February 27, 2024. By Trish O’Kane (Author).

Visitation Sister: I remember a time I was very busy, and it happened to be the day for confession and the priest gave me a penance to “go and smell a flower”; in other words, he saw I was too engaged in things to notice God’s beauty in nature.

Sandy: I think that priest was perceptive, Sr. Susan. One time a priest during confession when I was a little girl told me to do something kind for my sisters…the little things matter. Jesus was very comfortable in many settings, but it is the simple settings…with animals or young children where you/we can witness his great love.

Visitation Sister: Yes.

Olena: Maybe to think how God is great by creating birds, big and small, simple things and we can watch them for a long time and still think of how great God is.

Priscila: A double rainbow.

Sherry: I never really related to nature. I did not grow up with nature around me – in a city – where every playground is just asphalt. I was always afraid of nature. BUT … when GOD started to heal me – deep inside – and widened my heart for him and others. I started to see nature very differently. I felt so blessed all of sudden. Smiling as I was walking down the street looking at the trees as they were about to blossom. What a gift I have been given.

Sandy: Today I took a long walk on a peninsula on an island I live on in VT. We had a new snowfall, and it was glorious to see: The waves lapping the shoreline, the pieces of ice floating on the surface of the water, the spring birds chirping happily, the patterns in the snow left by the wind and animal prints.

Rebecca: As a child and adolescent, I would spend hours squatting watching ANTS. Lifting a slate, I could see their tunnels and trails. Did you know that they move their pupae about regularly, I think so that they can be exposed to the warmth of the sun. An ant carrying a pupa invariably has the right of way! Others will go around the one carrying the little one.”

Sandy: That’s great, Rebecca!

Priscila: I see nature and I get excited … and wonder what heaven is like.

Sandy: Good question.

Visitation Sister: My sister said this the other day.

Visitation Sister: Sometimes I feel sad about this, the lack of nature in the cities. Certainly, in more modern times, the urban areas have tried to regain some of this in public areas, and I know our teachers attempted a bit, what with leaf collection assignments in fall and such. Back then, they hadn’t added street trees to our neighborhood yet, and dad packed us up to take us to a park to collect leaves if we got such a school assignment. We were lucky to have some wonderful mature trees shading the concrete of our schoolyard, poking up from holes in the concrete, but they were all maples, so one could only get the one leaf type at school. The line between grass and weeds was unclear, and when I came to PA, I found that hay in the field further confused the whole issue of what’s what. And there are different kinds of hay crops, too. And then there is this whole issue of “going to seed”. So much to know and nowhere to learn it. But now the internet has fixed most of that, with its pictures and definitions.

Sandy: Grass poking through concrete…. quite the metaphor!

Visitation Sister: She also said: But sometimes, even after 45 years a Pennsylvanian, when I look at a tall green grasslike plant, I revert and think as I was taught to think when I was a kid. Tall=weed and short=grass. I can hear my dad saying “Stay out of the weeds”. There could be creatures lurking, or hidden poison ivy, or any number of unknown hazards. Bad plants and biting bugs and snakes were the main ones we pictured, but there could be more, we presumed, who knew? And she finishes this way.

Sherry: I want to share one of my fondest memories of my dad. He has visited me here in Canada – and we were running errands. We were late, and I had to get home for my daughter and to make supper. As I was leaving the parking space of the supermarket – all of a sudden my dad said ” STOP.” And I jumped on the break. He pointed at three little sparrows sitting around a puddle and drinking. I never forgot that – and it is one of my fondest memories of my dad – as he looked at them and enjoyed this scenery. I want to go for a walk with you too, Sandy. Sounds just lovely.

Visitation Sister: Once in a while, a native New Yorker with little exposure to nature will visit, and I get to see the raw fear and also the wonder with which they view the environment. They wonder about who planted ditch-side native flowering plants, approach streams and ponds with trepidation, and seem to have a really bad image of insects. They love birds, though, in all their varieties, and hate bats, and the dark spooks them to excess. I love these reminders of who I was, because once in a while a remnant of this being of the past emerges in me, even after all these years. Yes, a city-slicker-gone-country still retains a few city slicker attitudes somewhere in the core of his being. It takes a lot of work to dig them out and work to change them. A lifetime, even.

Sandy: Sr Susan are you talking about the environment in Brooklyn where the Visitation convent is in the country?

Visitation Sister: No not here. Greenpoint Brooklyn, little nature there. I was quoting my sibling, who moved to PA.

Sandy: Ok thank you, I understand.

Priscila: Even your backyard is nice, even in NY.

Visitation Sister: Yes, we are blessed!

Time Spent with God

Question: How can we make the most out of what time we have left in this holy season of Lent?

Priscila: Contemplate the cross.

Sherry: I agree, Priscila.

Sandy: Reflect in our souls of the times we have persecuted others (as in this coming Holy Week)….reflect on the ways we (the world) are persecuting others (Gaza, Israel, Haiti, Ukraine….)

Sherry: Just reading this, Sandy. Creates such a sadness in me. But a good sadness makes me run to the cross.

Sandy: I like to do the stations of the cross.

Visitation Sister: I like to read a day-by-day account of Jesus’ last days and really try to be with Him.

Sandy: Yes, that is a meaningful activity.

Sherry: Do you have a special book for this, Sr. Susan?

Visitation Sister: Yes, Fr Goodier’s book on the Passion.

Sherry: As for me, the Litany of Humility has really given me probably the best Lent I ever had since I became Catholic. I feel so ready to be with the cross.

Sandy: Thank you.

Priscila: There is so much to be gained by contemplating wounded Jesus on a crucifix….

Sandy: Yes.

Sandy: “how could they”, “how could we” …..it continues.

Sherry: Just bought the book, Sr. Susan, on Kindle. Looks like a great guide for Holy Week.

Visitation Sister: Wow! That was quick!

Sherry: Not fooling around when it comes to good book suggestions. I understood it as a task that is very hard for Rebecca – where she really sacrifices comfort and leans into pain and being uncomfortable.

Sherry: Well… I would like to ask for prayer maybe.

Visitation Sister: Sure.

Sherry: I am just in the beginning of starting a new ministry. It is called: THE VISITATION. No surprise, I guess.

Sandy: Can you explain more?

Visitation Sister: Oh that sounds wonderful, what is the ministry?

Sherry: It is about teaching Salesian Spirituality in Canada. But also – creating communities. Where spiritual friendships can be lived. It will be an ongoing invitation to live a holy life – for Catholic women.

Visitation Sister: We will pray so much for this!

Sherry: Oh thank you Sr. Susan. It really does mean a lot to me to know I am not completely alone in this. I just need so much wisdom. The full name is. THE VISITATION…. A place for sacred learning and becoming.

Visitation Sister: Oh, you will not believe this- but becoming is part of our federations Legacy statement!

Sherry: Becoming – is so central to a life of holiness.

Visitation Sister: Yes, I will send it to you by email!

Sherry: Thank you. I also think that Maria and Elizabeth were “becoming” in their encounter at the Visitation.

Rebecca: You are not alone, Sherry. Prayerful best wishes! You are too generous, Sherry. To me anything that gets me outdoors — even composting stinky plant remains — helps me to be close to nature and praise God.

Sandy: I agree, Rebecca.

Sherry: Thank you all too. And have a beautiful Holy Week everyone. May we weep as we understand deeper the deep, deep love of our Lord on the cross.

If you enjoyed this article, why not join us at our Living Jesus Chat Room of the Visitation Sisters. Join us at 7:30 p.m. ET each Sunday! We read a passage of St. Francis de Sales and then gather great insights and sharing!