Last night I had a flare up with my husband, over a long running issue of him pointing out ‘what I forget to do’ while I go behind him and undo what he has left undone and I don’t say anything. (It is not use, habits are hard to change.)
“You forgot to shut your door, and that is why it is chilly in here.”
Explosive retort back as I was very tired after working three shifts in a row. (Note I am rationalizing my bad behavior.)
This 'fire' simmered within as I walk off and struggling and praying. I washed dishes after pounding the sink with closed fists and silently let God have what I could not speak for it could just stir the fire more. I couldn’t sleep then, due to anger still within and prayed for God to help me forgive my husband and surrender to God all the times those petty remarks sting so hard. It is Holy week, and I thank of how Jesus was treated, I think of not only carrying my cross, but also drinking from the cup that the Father hands me. And even though I am saying Yes Lord and thank you Lord for the cross, the cup---the human still remained sad and ANGRY as I long for Bob to notice me in a positive way. (As do our children. Hmm instead of eggs and bunnies ---maybe hugs and praises---need to be found Easter Day.)
This morning, God sent the needed ‘hug’ in the Gospel today. Peter is passionately telling Jesus ---“I will never betray You.” Yet he does, as we very well know.
As I read the Gospel, I see that today before the sunsets in my own life----I too will be betraying Jesus every time “I loose it over hurtful remarks.” I started to think then of the many ways we can betray Jesus in the little ways, just as we can love Him in little ways.
(Interesting, I have been saying a novena to St. Theresa the Little Flower of Jesus who is known for her ‘little ways’ of living love. I have the book, “Living the Little Way of Love by John Nelson. Guess it is time to read this carefully.
Maybe I need to also buy a rooster that God can use to remind me by his crowing that I am ‘betraying Jesus’ again. No need to do that, I will just ask my Guardian Angel to make a particular noise that I can associate when straying in betraying directions. Thank You God for again rescuing me through Your Word and ever faithful—“I will never betray you child” love.
Betray Jesus? No Never---yeah right.