In essentials, unity; in doubtful matters, liberty; in all things, charity

I have heard that St. Augustine said this but, upon further review, it is attributed to many different people and no one is sure exactly who said it first. St. John XXIII referred to it in Ad Petri cathedram:

But the common saying, expressed in various ways and attributed to various authors, must be recalled with approval: in essentials, unity; in doubtful matters, liberty; in all things, charity 

So, let’s go with “it’s a common saying” and, more importantly, it’s a great saying for our times.

I have found myself looking around lately and wondering how we got here. Yes, there have always been people with mouths who were more salty or those with attitudes that were less charitable (see me in my 20’s and 30’s) but now that seems to be the norm. When I am decrying a person I wouldn’t expect, say a mother of small children or a young person, using foul language, my kids will remind me that it’s just the culture now.

I struggle with charity so I realize it is a good think for all of us to work on. For instance, if you have a bumper sticker, a flag, or something else that is code for swearing at a sitting president, get rid of it. Seriously, if you’re reading this and you’re a Catholic in this position, please do so. It is not the road we’re supposed to take. It’s not the Christian response.

Our society is so angry these days. I wonder if it’s because we feel we are getting the short straw “all the time” (I’ll save the popular use of hyperbole for another article). Perhaps it’s because, after years of social media telling us that we deserve more, better, perfect, we now believe it.

I have a dear friend with whom I walk on occasion. After our walk this morning she was heading out to a laundromat. It seems the washing machine she purchased several months ago doesn’t work and due to a worker shortage, she can’t get a new one for several weeks. She took this opportunity to tell me that she is ok with it and using the time there to work on other things – essentially, offering it up and realizing it’s not a life-changing tragedy. I thanked her for her insight because I think, a lot of the time, that attitude is missing in our society.

Road construction means you’re running late – not life-changing. The pancake you ordered with whipped cream is missing the whipped cream – not life changing. The people who live next to you are flying a flag that supports a cause that you do not – uncomfortable, perhaps, but definitely not life-changing.

We need to step back from our knee-jerk reaction to things, especially when we are feeling somehow short-changed, and remember a few things:

Unity in the essentials. It’s true, sometimes it’s hard to even know if we all agree on what “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” looks like. It can be very different depending on with whom you are speaking. Still, there has to be something we can agree on. Let’s start on the person we’re with – you are a person with dignity and have the right to be treated as such and so am I.  Go from there. If that’s all there is at the moment, at least acknowledge that fact alone.

Liberty in doubtful matters. When we can’t go any further in our unity we need to consider the person again. Is this person with whom I have seemingly no similar thought an adult? I work in an academic atmosphere where, if anyone believes what I do, it’s not very common. I have come to the realization that, as adults, they are entitled to their opinion and their beliefs (as am I). It doesn’t mean that, given the opportunity, I won’t explain what I believe and hope that they will see my side. It also doesn’t mean, if they are my children, that I won’t very directly teach them what I believe and why. It simply means they have the liberty to choose for themselves, even if it is wrong and even if it will ultimately bring about their undoing. There are places in which I have no power – that’s what prayer is for.

In all things, Charity. Our lack of charity in this world is evident. You can see it everywhere you look. We do not treat one another as precious children of God. We treat people, especially those with whom we disagree, with distain and no thought to what the person might be dealing with at that moment.

Let’s get back to charity, shall we? I know…the world is a very difficult place right now. I know that it is nearly impossible to love someone who chooses all the things we believe and know are wrong. Where there is no compromise, there is still charity. That begins with humility on our part. We don’t need to be powerful or strong in this life. We have a life to come, eternity, that should hold our attention much more than any person or ideal that is here now.

St. John of the Cross said, “In the evening of life, we shall be judged on love alone.” Love of God and love of neighbor. We can’t call ourselves faithful to Him and abuse His creation.

If you’re not a fan of the mystics, just meditate a little more on that one line in the Our Father: And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. I don’t see anything there that says, unless that person did something terrible or is directly opposed to what I believe. We are called to forgive trespasses if we have any hope of being forgiven ourselves.

Start with Charity. Start now.