The three “L’s”

My husband and I share a somewhat circuitous past – one that could have only resulted in finding one another if God had been the one pulling us along. Part of letting Him do the pulling has much to do with humility; something that neither of us has a natural calling toward.

Pride has always been a strong occasion of sin for me. Not just pride in my accomplishments, more often, lack of happiness for someone else achieving something I have not. I’m not sure where in my upbringing this gained hold, but it is something with which I struggle daily. My husband is more the type of thinking his way is the correct way. Again, it’s likely from his upbringing and likely got warped from reasonable self-worth to borderline pride. In both instances, it falls to the fact that we somehow think we’re achieving things without the Grace of God.

Having children will go a long way to curing you of your prideful tendencies. If you actively parent, there are many times you will be humiliated. Being older parents, homeschoolers, actively trying to practice the faith – each full of opportunities to practice humility beginning with humiliation. At the beginning, it’s a difficult lesson but, like most things, continual practice sharpens your skill. Am I completely humble and cured of my prideful thoughts? No. I am, however, moving in the right direction.

When our kids were young (probably pre-school to 3rd grade range) we began to discuss the 3 “L’s” with them. Last, Lowest, Least was the mantra we used as a method to get them thinking of others and how we can help God help those in need or simply get along more easily with others. It was a wonderful time to institute it with them – before society could truly take hold of them (and before society got quite as self-centered as it is now). The great thing about kids is they often learn through example. So, we led.

If there was a sandwich-making event for our homeless friends, we were all there making sandwiches and filling bags with Goldfish or cookies. If there were people walking into church, the first thought should be to open the door for them. If you were playing with a friend or cousin who was a bit bossy, let them have an extra turn at the game or an extra Popsicle. All of these small sacrifices can really help cement an attitude of service and humility.

For everyone out there saying, “But you can’t encourage children to think less of themselves, it’s very damaging to their self-esteem.” I agree…but this isn’t that. Ultimately, the joy that comes from knowing that you helped someone or made someone’s day brighter does more for self-esteem than you would imagine. They welcomed the chance to help because they enjoyed the result. Even when no one thanked them, they were secure in knowing that helping, especially someone who can’t repay you, is the important thing. It’s not that big a price to sacrifice a little bit, especially to help someone else.

Now, we have an entire house of almost teenagers, so how has our little experiment turned out with a more self-centered group? One of the newly-minted teens has taken it upon herself to make homeless bags up every week and make sure that they get into the car when we’re passing through town in case we see someone in need. The others aren’t that hands-on, but are attentive to the people we pass, often watching to see when we might hand out another bag. Evening prayer is another time we see who exactly is on their minds. We have a “who are you praying for” prayer each night and many people are covered in prayer – from priests/religious, to the homeless, to those struggling with mental illness. Every Friday night (almost every, I suppose) we are all gathered to pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet for those who will die that night without anyone praying for them and beseeching God’s Mercy on their behalf.

I’m not sharing this because our kids do everything right. I’m sharing it on the off chance someone with little people might consider, if they don’t already, instituting a bit of “other-thinking” with their kids. I don’t know what that looks like – every family is different – but perhaps one day a week/month you can do something concrete while daily discussing ways we can each lift up others by being willing to take the lower position in some situation.  

Our society is becoming more and more selfish as the days pass. Teaching our children to think of others before themselves when the opportunity presents itself will go a long way to changing the attitude of “me first” and help bring us back to God’s way of thinking.

Have the same regard for one another; do not be haughty but associate with the lowly; do not be wise in your own estimation. Romans 12:16