Wonder and Awe of Nature: Sexual Complementarity

Two of my children are getting married this summer. I am so happy because they are choosing to be married in the Catholic Church. Even better, they know why that matters. At a time when our culture is celebrating the breakdown in common sense when it comes to sexuality, our family has been redicovering the beauty of sexual complementarity and the blessing of Holy Matrimony. On a deeper level I find myself at awe over God's plan in nature.

Catholic theology says nature is good but it is disordered due to the fall of our first parents. Some people are surprised that we hold that nature fell with Adam and Eve. In the story of the fall, Adam and Eve find themselves exiled from the pristine goodness of Eden. The natural world, post-fall, is full of thorns and thistles, weeds and rocks, dangerous predation and large scale disasters. Descendants of Adam work to the point of sweaty exhaustion to wrangle it into shape and to tame it.

With danger and disorder all around, the natural world is no longer Eden but in the Catholic imagination it retains its essential goodness and much of its Edenic order and beauty. Most importantly, it is in nature that we discover God's plan for human sexuality.

The fall created an illusion of total disorder and randomness both in nature itself and our human perception of it. It seems like nature is open to our own interpretation and that we are called to wage war against it and dominate it with our subjective will. The idea that individual will can reshape nature or defy it in the area of sexuality seems to be a major difference between people of the world and serious Catholics.

With the illumination of God’s grace we can see the order, purpose and design lying under the harsh and unforgiving forces of nature. Instead of fighting against nature, we are called to embrace the Logos we discover in nature and adhere to it as a sure guide to God’s perfect mind and will. As the great theologian Saint Thomas Aquinas said, ‘grace perfects nature’. Grace is not at war with nature, neither is the Catholic worldview. You might say, Catholic theology is ‘nature adjacent’. We are called to follow the first scientist, Adam who cataloged and named all the creatures he encountered. We are called to embrace the role of steward in harmony and in gentle cooperation with nature. 

Within the seemingly random chaos of nature we can discover, through science, the divine plan still intact. Take for example biology. The whole point of ‘doing biology’ is that scientists expect to find predictable outcomes.They observe, hypothesize and do experimentation to test the expectation of order at a level of mathematical and microscopic precision. This order that is expected and that is discovered is laid out for us in our textbooks as ‘systems’. Let's just take one subset of biology, mammals. When it comes to mammals, some systems include the circulatory system, the respiratory system, the skeletal system, the nervous system and the reproductive system.

Philosophically and theologically we could say that this order bears the stamp of the Logos which is the imprint of the mind and word of God into everything in creation. Just by studying mammals we learn that God’s mind is mathematical and orderly.

This is why when it comes to sexuality, we are called to follow nature and allow grace to perfect it. Following nature starts with gratitude, wonder and awe for the sexual complementarity we discover biologically, psychologically and theologically. The male and female binary design in our human nature  is thoroughly systematic and it functions according to God’s purpose and plan. Human sexuality bears the stamp of the Logos. 

Biological Complementarity (Studies have shown...)

• Male and female genitals belong together for the sake of reproduction. They produce a whole that neither can produce on their own unless this natural process is interrupted by artificial fertilization or violently subverted through rubber, plastic, surgical or chemical contraception or abortion.
• The female body is designed to be capable of sustaining the life of the offspring both in and out of the womb unless this natural process is violently subverted through puberty blockers, surgery, chemical contraception or abortion.
• The male body is designed to protect and provide for the family unless he fights against his inherent masculinity by subverting nature through chemical castration via puberty blockers, surgical mutilation or muscular atrophy due to an effeminate lifestyle. 
• Female and male muscular and skeletal development differs.

Psychological Complementarity (Studies have shown...)

• Male and female chromosomes release sex-specific hormones in the brain (Testosterone and Estrogen) unless this delicate balance is thrown off by pharmaceutical hormonal drugs.
• Males and Females are attracted to different things. Males are more visual and extroverted. Females are more relationship oriented and more verbally expresssive of feelings. 
• Male and female experience different brain development, in aging, and in the manifestation of psychiatric and neurological disorders.
• The male brain uses much more gray matter while the female brain uses more white matter. This difference is believed to account for the greater ability of males to focus on a specific task to the exclusion of what's happening around them, while women are better at switching between tasks.

Theological Complementarity (God has revealed...)

• God created two opposite genders.  “God created man in his own image male and female he created them.” (Gn.1:27) Male and Female, together image God because God is a lover, a beloved and a relationship of Persons.
• Males and females when united in the marital act mirror the relationship of the three Persons in the Trinity held together as one by Love. the two shall become one flesh'; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Mk 10:8-10)
• Male and female, when united as husband and wife are given the dignity of being co-creators with God of human life. Their leros love and friendship love becomes sanctified as ‘life-giving love’ which is one aspect of divine, agape love.
• Sexual difference corresponds to the vocation of mutual self-giving and happiness. “At last this one is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; This one shall be called 'woman,' for out of man this one has been taken.” (Gn 2:23). “It is not good for the man to be alone.” (Gn 2:18).
• The family unit under the headship of the father, who loves his wife as his own body, becomes the building block of a life-affirming culture and civilization which points to and facilitates reaching our end which is heaven.

Keep it Real/Keep it Natural

Aside from monogamy and faithfulness...Catholic married couples ought to also follow another basic principle of sexual expression: to keep it natural.

• Avoid all audio-visual technology (pornography) and or artificial devices in the bedroom.
• Avoid plastic, rubber, chemical or any object which is not natural.
• Avoid sexual activity that deviates from the natural end of the marital act which is openness to life.
• Avoid anything which is unnaturally painful or physically dangerous to one’s health.

When it comes to the marital act, we believe that marital grace (which we receive in the sacrament of Holy Matrimony) perfects nature; it does not try to wrestle it into submission or to violate its guidance. Be ‘natural’ in the bedroom and you will be more healthy and happy overall. Let grace perfect nature and your marriage and family will become a building block of a new civilization of love.