THE SHADOW OF THY GATE
THE PAW PRINT
( Good Night, Dear Friend )
How do you say good-bye to someone so dear to your heart? Let go of a spouse, parent, friend, family member, a pet? How do you detach a bond so strong and pure from your heart? From a life—deceased, gone, separated from your daily routine? Memories that touch you, and unleash your tears? What is this mourning that tugs at our hearts, this painful absence and hurt we carry inside?
It is with a deep burning desire from within, a longing for an extension of existence, for a life shared with another—someone who gave you love with no conditions or boundaries—a relationship of togetherness; the burning embers of sentiment is accumulated caring for one and another. In the limited time given to us, those that cross our path are compressed into our hearts instilling a fragrance of their presence. It is this growing unity of belonging that captivates our senses, of giving love, from the heart. And it is this continuous connection that remains, infusing overtures which create a bond of emotional attachment. And with attachment, separation becomes painful.
And so, now I write about my dear friend, who came into my life 14 years ago—someone who touched my heart and life like nothing I had ever experienced before; someone who gave pure love and unlimited companionship. This someone was my dog, a Cocker Spaniel named Snuggles; she truly was a gift from heaven. An angel, with four feet and a tail. There was something spiritual about Snuggles, with such a compassionate face and eyes and a heart to match. If you've never had a pet, a dog like this, you can not understand what I am telling you. It is a living experience unexplainable in words, what a bond of two hearts can contain. She indeed was in tune with nature; on our walks she would stop and smell the flowers, inserting her nose deep inside the blossoms. She taught me that love is not about a me, or you, but that togetherness is an unbreakable bond. We took care of each other in our illnesses and surgeries, which were many for the two of us.
Snuggles was not a complainer, or whiner. She endured a stroke, two Anterior Cruciate Ligament (ACL) surgeries, dislocated hip surgery, and four surgeries for numerous benign skin tumors.
In her later years, she became blind in one eye and had difficulty seeing out the other; she had to be carried up and down the stairs and in and out of the car. Her bottom teeth were overgrown with her gums and she couldn't chew very well; I had to take her hard dog food and pound it with a hammer to crush it into small pieces, mix it with water, and then spoon feed her. These are the things you do when life is unfair, and you're called to carry a cross for someone else. You open your heart with diligence, kindness and compassion to help relieve the pain, suffering, and fear of the inflicted. I never resented caring for her, nor taking her out many times in the middle of the night in the snow or rain. I did all I could to make her life bearable, for this is how love works—to give of yourself with the purest of heart, even if it is a dog.
Snuggles showed me about endurance and courage, and how to deal with my incurable disease, shoulder surgery, heart attack and open heart surgery. She followed me, always at my side, to be there, to have her presence felt: watching over me like a guardian angel. She wanted to love and be loved. Where I was, she was. At night she would sleep by the side of my bed; we were two companions, un-alone in the dark. What she couldn’t say in words her actions were a dialogue to let you know her thoughts. She was gentle and docile—pure and simple, she was an angel.
This is how it was with Snuggles and me. And the years we had together will always remain cherished in my heart. Snuggles took drastically sick in July and with great sorrow my wife and I concluded we had to have her put down. In the last days of her suffering she remained happy—still wagging her tail and giving kisses. At the Veterinary Hospital we held Snuggles as the doctor inserted the needle to bring her to eternal sleep; at that moment my love poured out over her as I whispered, “Good night, dear friend.” Sleep overtook her, she rested on the table, and breathed no more. The veterinarian examined her and said, “She’s gone.” And these words burned a hole in my heart forever: a void that will remain there always. We remained there, alone with Snuggles, petting her, not wanting to leave. Our tears poured out, not for a dog, but for the pure love she gave—indescribable here in words.
And when I am taken up to my eternal rest, Snuggles my dear friend, I will look for you, to be at your side and once again reconnect this special bond and love we had. I thank you for everything you have giving me—a time of contemplation of what love really is, what it is meant to be, and how to apply it. How precious life is when we have it, and how the soul cries out when life is no more: the things we wanted to say, but too late for words; to recapture that last embrace, before life is depleted.
And with overwhelming compassion and sadness my heart cries out, thankful for the love and blessings you have given us. Snuggles, my dearest companion, good night; dear friend, be at peace and suffer no more.
I love you.
( Good Morning, Dear Friend )
Another sunrise, another day, without you. Snuggles, the absence of your presence is evident in the stillness and quietness of my surroundings. I think of you each morning, and miss you with all my heart. I know you're in a better place surrounded in peace since God opened the door to heaven for you. Our separation is relevant in the way you affected my life with all the love and companionship you have given me, in times of sickness and health, in times of joy and sorrow: two hearts connected with a bond on life’s journey. The remembrance of your courage is highlighted by the inflictions you and I endured—how each day was another challenge for the two of us to conquer, how each setback, was to stroke the fire to continue onward.
My dear friend, love from the heart is the binder of solace. When consumed in sickness and despair, love reaches deep within the soul as a spiritual presence, obtaining strength to carry a cross, inch by inch. You and I experienced the fullness of every moment together—holding onto each day, as a precious treasure. The memories of you cannot be erased so quickly and easily: your presence remains like a cascade of droplets upon my heart. I loved you like no other. You were very special and no other can take your place. We are all different and unique, each with gifts and talents. Your gift of compassion flowed from your heart like a faucet, unable to turn off its contents. This is how you lived, giving love and affection to those you came in contact with. How could I not love you with such tenderness? You captivated my heart and wouldn’t let go. God knew what I needed, and sent me you—an angel, a dear friend, to fill the hollow of my inflicted body.
In doing so, you yourself became inflicted with numerous ailments and injuries, and together, we shared the same path of suffering.
It is beyond our comprehension to know why some are chosen to suffer, while others are immune and go untouched, enjoying a life of extreme comfort. There are many on our journey who do not have the luxury of good health and are in the abyss of an incurable disease; many years pass on by of continuous entrapment, as the body declines and wastes away. There are occasions when sickness and suffering is a grace. When the heart is in acceptance of an infliction, the heart becomes uplifted into a state of great peace and knowingly you have been chosen for a journey, taking the place for someone else. This interior presence of grace is the influx of light from the Holy Spirit, penetrating the heart to the soul. This is a grace of endurance, a bridge of love and compassion creating a reservoir of contentment, penetrating the discouragement of the inflicted. With love, resentment falls away and encouragement takes hold. We embrace our dilemma each day, and live according to our capabilities, giving hope to those in need. Love was not meant to be contained, but expedited freely, taking nothing, and giving everything.
My dearest friend, this is how it was with you, giving everything and asking for nothing. There were good days and also bad days, when our bodies reeked with pain and disease, and we reached out to comfort and support each other. When you didn’t feel well, and were full of fear and anxiety, I was at your side watching over you, hoping you would be here for another day, another sunrise. And now that the sunset has fallen on your life here, taken you up to another sunrise, in another place, I will remember that where you are, every morning, is a good morning.
My dearest and best friend, if I could, I would reach up to heaven and embrace you once again. Smell the flowers and radiate your love; your paw print will remain in my heart, forever.
Robert J Varrick
rjvarrick@gmail.com