Cold Shoulder Catholicism

When our family first began attending a Catholic parish on a regular basis, we had several reasons. The most prominent one was based on the reputation of most parishes: We wanted to be left alone. We had been through some tough times in our former church, and were still dealing with wounded hearts. We needed time to heal. We needed anonymity. And we got it.

It took six weeks for anyone (other than the parish pastor, to whom we had introduced ourselves) to acknowledge us as visitors. We sat in the same pew, so we could get to know those who sat around us. We stood out, as we were the only ones carrying our Bibles to Mass. We all dressed up every time we attended Mass. We were obviously trying to figure out the “when to stand, sit, and kneel” routine of the Catholic Church. And yet…went seemingly unnoticed.

The day this all changed was shortly after our decision to attend RCIA. I introduced myself to three musicians who had led the music at a particular Mass. Soon after this, our deacon’s wife asked the female member of the group if she would be my sponsor. It was a decision that changed our family’s parish life dramatically. A week or two later, my new friend invited us to go to the monthly “Doughnut Sunday.” As soon as we walked into the room, she began introducing us to people all around the room. We weren’t “those people who have shown up but no one knows,” but were instead, “my new friends, the Johnson family.” What a difference!

I do not relate this story to reflect negatively on our home parish. We have been here for ten years now, and have many friends. The truth is, our parish has 4 Masses every weekend. On the occasional visits to “other” Masses than the one we regularly attend, I feel like a stranger. I don’t know most of these people! With over 2,000 families, all attending the various Masses, it does present a logistical problem when it comes to building relationships.

I do share this, though, in order to address an issue I’ve heard many people mention throughout the past ten years. Honestly, in spite of our reputation, I don’t believe most Catholics are unfriendly. I have noticed that in smaller parishes, the issue may still exist, but it’s harder to just blend in when you’re the “new guy.” It may occur, in part too, due to our busy lives.

There are many programs being introduced into the Catholic Church to try to address this. The question of how to make people feel more welcomed is definitely on the radar. But those of us who are laity cannot leave this on the doorstep of the clergy. We need to step forward and help make a difference!

I offer just a few ideas on how we can shoulder some of the burden, and offer hospitality to all who enter the doors of our local parish:

1. Smile! If someone looks you in the eye, don’t just look away and pretend you haven’t seen them. Smile and nod. Often, just being recognized as worth a smile makes individuals feel much more at home.

2. Speak up! If you notice someone you’ve never met sitting near you, make a point to introduce yourself after Mass. Even if they have been attending the parish for thirty years, what will it hurt to meet someone new? If they are a visitor, they will know someone else is glad they are in attendance.

3. Step in! Does your parish need more ushers or greeters? Volunteer to take a monthly stint. You will be amazed how many people you can offer a smile and a “welcome,” if you’re the first (happy) face they see upon entering. And on that same note…

4. Serve! I have never, ever heard a pastor, deacon, parish council member, or other lay leader say, “Please! No more volunteers! We have no need for more help ministering to our church or community!” Being involved helps us establish friendships we would have otherwise missed.

5. Stop! Don’t be the naysayer. Be the game-changer. Be less busy telling others how “cold and unfriendly” your parish is, and busier building relationships and quelling that image. Being a community is about more than our expectations of others. It is about how we can participate and help each other grow. If you see the need to establish a friendlier atmosphere, then be the type of person you want others to be. (Remember the Golden Rule?)

As the Christopher’s motto says, “It’s better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.”

“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 5:16

P.S. I’m glad you took the time to read this little post. Welcome to Catholic365!