It’s natural to have deep feelings surrounding the Passion and Death of Christ when getting closer to Jesus. Reginald Garribou-Lagrange points out in The Three Ways to Spirituality, “(the soul) has a glimpse of the depths of the mystery of the Incarnation and the Redemption; it perceives something of the infinite virtues of the merits of Christ who died on the Cross.”
I was warned by my spiritual father that thinking of myself as special and announcing it to others by signing my name “Katherine of Christ Crucified” is a stumbling block to the virtue of humility.
“My Sweet Jesus, My Blessed Sweet Savior, never let me forget your Passion and Death. I want to remember the horror and the beauty of the Crucifixion every day of my life. If I’m special to you in any way, I want to use this specialness only and always for the glory of YOU WHO DIED FOR ME. For you are my God, my Sweet Jesus Divine!”
I shun any stumbling blocks between me and my Jesus. So I stopped signing my name that way.
Far from perfect am I, but we’re all called to achieve true perfection. This I know, no one can become perfect without God. Pay attention! Here is a most important question. Due to our human nature can we see personal faults, weaknesses and sins without walking in the light of God’s love? I, a God-fearing person couldn’t see within myself the unholiness and sinfulness that kept me from true communion with God. If this is true then how did I attain the level of goodness I now know and feel?
I believe Our Blessed Mother intervened for me to bring me to her Son. She took me away from false piety and empty prayers. She taught me to love and trust my Sweet Jesus. I never had the level of trust I needed before The Mother of God answered my plea for help. I wanted to trust Jesus. I tried to trust Jesus but it just wasn’t there. To have complete trust in Jesus is scary. I had to ask myself. Can I really trust Christ? Can I turn my whole life over to My Lord? I found myself holding back with doubts, discouragement and despair.
Holy Mary didn’t give up on me. She placed me where I needed to be. She let me hear what I needed to hear. Now it seems so simple. If one believes in God, truly believes in God, in God’s amazing love and mercy then how can it be any other way? This acceptance of God’s will and trust in his goodness flows naturally from belief in God. Once this process was complete the glory of God was in me and on me, flowing through me, blessing me and making me a joyful person. Now I can’t get enough of God in the person of Jesus Christ. He’s all I want. I cry tears of joy when I remember how much he loves me and sometimes I burst into a little laugh because I love him so much. It’s amazing!!
St. Thomas Aquinas says, “Prudence despises all the things of the world in favor of the contemplation of divine things; it directs all thoughts to God.” And in reviewing God’s holy grace, the gifts of the Holy Spirit given to us at Baptism, Reginald Garribou-Lagrange writes, “This grace progressively permeates the soul with the supernatural life, elevates its faculties both higher and lower until the depth of the soul is purged of all egoism and self-love and belongs truly, without any reservations to God.” Detachment from self and attachment to God is my desire.
“My God, I can’t remember my life before you. What do I do? What did I think? How did I spend my days? So much wasted time!”