I love it when God talks to me. Coming home from Kokomo after going to 6:30am Mass at the Monastery of the Poor Clares, heading west on CR 500, I thanked God for my family and friends, naming them and grouping them, entrusting them all to Our Blessed Mother to present them to her son, Our Lord Jesus Christ, to love and protect them.
The early morning sky was so beautiful. Along the skyline, along the woods of spring trees, the sky was a pinkish tangerine and above that a pastel aqua blue. The little clouds scattered here and there reflected these colors. I asked God, “Is this what heaven is like? Has my heaven began?” The answer was a clear, “yes!” I smiled almost a laugh smile and was fill with joy. I thanked God. I said, “You order my day so perfectly!” Of course perfectly. You are my perfect God.
As I was forming these words I saw a piece of the huge golden sun peaking over the horizon. I caught my breath but the road descended and it disappeared, leaving only the puffy little clouds lined with gold. I thought, “It was all leading up to this.” I stretched out my left hand as I continued to steer with my right hand and with my left palm facing up I said out loud, “This day is as it should be.” I moved my outstretched hand left to right saying, “ordered, ordered, ordered, ordered, ordered.”
Then I thought, “Where is my sun?” There were no cars in sight this early so I pulled over as far off the road as I could to wait. The wait was worth it. Does anyone ever get tired of watching the sun rise? Not me. Then I drove on and turned north to head home. Now I couldn’t see the sun but when I pulled into our driveway there was the sun rising above my neighbors shed. The same sun that knocks me in the head as I sit at the kitchen table if I’m up early enough. I forgot about this. How foolish of me. The same sun that’s bathing me in golden rays right this moment.
How can I not compare the sun to the brilliance of Almighty God? “Thank You My God. What else do you have planned for me today? Today nothing will take me away from you. Not even for a moment!? I pray for all those this day who are sick, sad or discouraged.”
Later at 3:00 PM I lay down to say the Divine Mercy chaplet and to nap. When I woke up I thought about the morning sun again as I clutched my rosary tightly in my palm. I could feel the raised image of Jesus of its wooden crucifix press into my palm. I thought this, “Things have to line up in a certain way for something good to happen.” I’m always praying for miracles and God gives me so many every day. Are these true miracles or do things just happen? God is the author of everything. We’re surrounded by the supernatural.
My thoughts were coming quickly. I was laying on my back and gasped loudly, both hands falling palm up on either side of my head on the pillow. The whole universe in all its’ brilliance and glory opened up to me in flash. It’s as if my mind was injected with understanding of God’s world in that instance. Unexplainable! A reminder to myself that God’s hand is in everything! Everything! Why are there Muslims? Why are there other non-Christian religions? Why did so many Christians fall away from the Church Jesus founded to start new churches? Why is there war? Why do so many people suffer, children, the sick and the old?
God loves me and yet He continues to break my heart. “Jesus, My God, I will take the sorrow with the joy you give me. When the Father ordered the universe you were with Him. When the Holy Spirit filled the hearts and minds of the faithful, it was you who sent him. I trust you in ordering my days. I trust You, My Jesus, 100% unconditionally.”
“Thank You for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous – and how well I know it.” Psalm 139:14