When Dreams Come to Call
The Sacramental Life
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Not long ago we celebrated the baptism of our 6th baby, Leo Benedict.
It was a beautiful baptism day. Leo wore my dad’s Christening gown and we were surrounded by friends and family. Our pastor gave a beautiful homily on the profound impact of the day and how the Leo’s soul was to be made new with the healing waters of baptism. He spoke of the beautiful uniqueness of Leo and God’s love for him. As we sat in our church that sits on the shoreline of the Chesapeake Bay, Father reminded us that the same God the father who traced that shoreline with His finger, knit together Leo’s soul – and that even if Leo was the only soul on earth, Jesus would have made the ultimate sacrifice for him alone, because he desires to spend eternity with him. Leo was made new with water and anointed as priest, prophet and king. We celebrated with hearty food and the traditional cross shaped cake. It was a beautiful day.
This month has been full of joy amidst lingering grief. In fact, the past year has been a lot of that. The one-year anniversary of my mom’s passing was 10 days ago. In these first few weeks with this little guy, I have wished that he could meet her. That I could hand him to her and have her sigh that beautiful sigh that comes when you feel the weight of a newborn on your chest. I miss her sitting next to me in those early days of mothering.
The Christian life is so interesting, so dynamic, so messy, so beautiful. Joy and sorrow intermingle, grief and hope and love get all jumbled in an intricate web and getting through it all leaves you forever changed.
Two days after Mom passed, I experienced an early pregnancy loss. Through her final days I was grieving having to say goodbye while holding this quiet joy in new life. It was confusing and overwhelming – and then, like the blow of a hard punch, it was just grief. I don’t know why God asked me to bear both those crosses in the same week. But I do know that he continues to bring joy after sorrow, a rainbow after the rain, the promise of new life – but all in His own time. I know that he was asking me to surrender all to Him (something I’m still working on) and He was assuring me that all will be well. This year hasn’t been easy, but it has been “well.” Because the truth doesn’t change. No matter how hard or sad or frustrating the day may be – Heaven is still there for us if we choose love.
I’ve said that even though Mom passed because of illness, it all happened so fast it has elements of trauma – that, coupled with the physicality of the additional loss I experienced, makes sense.
They say the first year is the hardest. Adding the joy of Leo’s pregnancy while continuing to navigate grief has made this year a special kind of challenging. Because grief is strange – it comes in big blows and small waves and it comes in quiet whispers amidst the most joyful moments. It comes in putting out your Christmas decorations, in making Easter dinner, in celebrating the joy of the sacraments and in standing on the beach looking out at the ocean which she loved.
Our lives are rich and so, therefore, the moments in which grief visits us are plentiful. What a blessing it is that there are so many opportunities for grief to come because joy came first.
And so that is the way of the Sacramental life. Our days and years are marked by the beauty of life with Christ and the pain and sorrow of the world. In living the sacramental life, we are given a taste of what is waiting for us in the heavenly kingdom, while the challenges of this life magnify the tragedy of the fall. The sacramental life illustrates the depth of Christ’s love and urges us to live in that love. To love God and to love people as we are instructed to do.
But to love is to leave yourself vulnerable to loss.
The roller coaster of sacramental life keeps us on our toes.
This year has been full. Full of joyful moments and full of sadness, sorrow, and hope. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. He calls us into existence, and he calls us home when it’s time.
As far as I can tell, staying close to the sacraments is the only way to make sense out of any of it.
And so, we do. We keep living the sacramental life. And we keep looking forward to Eternal life with Him.
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About the Author
Liesl and her husband are raising their 6 kids in their house close to the Chesapeake Bay. She and her husband, Matt, serve their local parish as Director of Music and High School Youth Minister respectively. Liesl has worked as a music educator for the last 15 years and finds great satisfaction in writing about the joys and challenges of motherhood. Follow her on social media @sacramom.
