That Pesky Promise of Vocational Love

As a mom of many, one becomes very accustomed to certain greetings in public. If you have four or more kids and find yourself in the grocery store or at a public event, you know what I’m talking about.

Greetings like:

“Boy, you have your hands full.”

“Better you than me”

“I don’t know how you do it; I can barely handle one.”

I really don’t think these comments are intended to be negative (though certainly occasionally they are said with haughtiness), but I think generally it’s just overwhelming to many people to see a mom juggling a lot of kids close together, let alone to see them out and about. I think a lot of people just don’t know what to say or how to process a life that seems very foreign to them. I don’t begrudge the remarks, they’re right, it’s not easy; our lives can be loud and busy, our budgets can be tight, and our homes can be cluttered – but the daily chaos is overshadowed by immense joy, love, and the knowledge that God has entrusted these precious lives to our care and that we are abundantly blessed.

There is no one way to live a holy life and having a large family is not a sign of superiority. We are obligated to welcome God fully into our family planning, but holy families come in all shapes and sizes and are subject to God’s unique call and plan. That’s one of the beautiful things about living life with Jesus, there is no one way. As C.S. Lewis said, 

“How monotonously alike all the great tyrants and conquerors have been; how gloriously different are all the saints.”

God’s call on your life is unique and beautiful, but the truth is it is also most likely difficult. God doesn’t call everyone to big family life, but it does make me sad that to the general population, the perception of a life with the blessing of many children is one that only a few are capable of living or would even want to pursue.

I think there is a misconception that the mom of many is walking around thinking she has it all figured out and that must be why she has agreed to hold so many under her care; or that she has many children because she felt like she had everything perfectly under control back when she had one or two. But, here’s the truth: the vocation of motherhood is always hard. It is hard in the sleepless nights and toddler standoffs with your first born or only child, it is hard the first day you have to get two kids in the car and to church on time, and it continues to be hard in every stage and with every added soul to love. No matter the number of children you have been blessed with, it is hard to continually lay down your life for those you love. It is hard to prepare meal after meal and to keep up with the laundry and to watch your family go on week three of winter illness. It is hard if you are given the cross of chronic illness or special needs or lack of support or lack of finances. It is hard if you’re juggling careers and schedules and family personalities and generational wounds. I’m not there yet, but I imagine it’s hard when your child goes to their first high school dance or has their first driving lesson. It doesn’t matter if you have one or ten, motherhood is humbling and sanctifying and just plain hard.

But why is this one area in which choosing the hard so taboo? Why are we, as a society, so content with limiting the blessings God wants to bestow on us? Why do we desire so ardently to prefer our own plans and timelines and arrangements to the Lord’s?  In a world where we are emphatically told anyone can be anything, where we are bombarded with messages about living your dreams – why is the capability of a woman to manage a large household so bewildering? And why do so many women think such a reality is so far from their grasp?

I remember when I enrolled my oldest two children in our Montessori Preschool for the first time and the teacher explained Maria Montessori’s educational philosophy. She explained the concept that the human person thrives when working just outside their level of comfort and at the cusp of curiosity and creativity. I’ve seen this in my own children in their early childhood Montessori education and it’s a beautiful thing to witness. What if this is how God reveals our own motherhood capabilities to us as well? That as mothers, we learn by loving a little bit more each day and by taking the next small step in leading our family towards the Kingdom. What if in order to thrive as mothers, we have to wander into the hard, with our eyes set on Jesus?

Every one of us is called to a vocation and there is not even one to which we are called that is promised to be easy. This life and this world which we are passing through will have its trials. We have been promised many things by our heavenly Father, but a life without suffering is not one of them. In John’s Gospel, Jesus talks plainly to his friends of his departure, he says,

“I have told you this that you might have peace in me. In the world, you will have trouble, but take courage, for I have conquered the world.”

John 16:33

As Paul tells us in his second letter to the Corinthians,

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.’”

 2 Corinthians 12:9

His grace is sufficient. It doesn’t come in excess, it doesn’t fall short – it is sufficient.

Allow God to shower you with His blessings, whatever they may be according to His unique call on your life. He will not call you to a vocation for which he will not also provide you with the necessary grace. None of this is supposed to be easy. As Matthew says, “How narrow the gate and constricted the road that leads to life.” (Matthew 7:13) 

If your vocation has hardship as an occupational hazard, but love as both a prerequisite and byproduct, there’s a good chance you are living your vocation well. All you need to do is ask for the grace to carry the burdens and hand it all over to God.