My Testimonial on Confession

I had wonderful experiences at the Marian Conference in Chicago last weekend. This year for some reason I felt completed to go to Confession as early in the conference as possible. On the trip up to Chicago, while riding with my friends, Fred and Cathy, I wrote down what I needed to confess.

The next morning after breakfast, they began with the Rosary and then there were introductions by Guy Murphy who runs Totally Yours pilgrimages and is charge of the conference every year. He has a lot of spirit and energy and is simply enjoyable to listen to.

Next Father Zimmer, who I met last year, announced that he would be hearing Confessions immediately. The first speaker was a healing priest. I decided I wanted to go to Confession even if it meant missing this presentation. The line for confession was already growing by the time I got there. Finally I was next, but it was not to be, just then they stopped Confession because Mass was starting in 15 minutes.

I caught the elevator to go up to my room for few minutes when the healing priest got in the elevator with me. I told him about my almost confession experience and that I missed his talk for nothing. I asked if he was speaking again and he said he didn’t know.

Before Mass, I asked Fred how the talk I missed was. He gave me a detailed summary. It was helpful. Lunch was after Mass. I decided to skip lunch and go to Confession. There were several priests hearing Confessions this time so the line went much faster.

I always like to know a bit about the priest who hears my Confession. This priest is assigned to a parish in Chicago and he’s from India. After I asked for forgiveness, I told Father that I go to monthly Confession and sometimes have trouble thinking of things to say. I said I think of 2 or 3 sins and tell myself, “That’s good enough” but this time is different. I told him that I’m focusing on one area that I believe will cover all my sins. I began by telling him, “every day I say something I regret. Not almost every day, every day! Every day! And not just once a day, several times a day!” I had a long list in my hand. I listed things like arguing, complaining, feeling the need to be understood, the need to be right, gossiping, short-tempered, impatient, blunt, rude and more. These were under categories with a list under each sins that applied, such as my backward humor, sarcastic, clever, cynical, snippy, thinking I’m being funny when others don’t, is a sign that I’m saying something I’ll regret. I told him all this. I didn’t give specific examples.

Father listened quietly with his eyes closed, sometimes nodding, not smiling, looking thoughtful. Then when I stopped confessing he opened his eyes and after what seemed like forever, though I’m sure it was less than a minute, Father amazed me as he calmly and slowly repeated back to me all of what I had just told him, pausing now and then to comment. (Why should I be surprised? Jesus could do that). Then he smiled (finally – I was holding my breath) and told me, “many people have this problem but you are aware of it and want to change.” He told me that St. Francis de Sales was an impatient man but he prayed and practiced patience and learned to be patient. Father told me to picture myself as a very patient person. I cried as I said, “Father this is what I want to be, a very patient person.” He told me to get the book, “Guide to a Devout Life,” by Francis de Sales. *He said to read at least 2 pages a day. I made a sincere act of contrition for offending God. Then Father made the sign of the cross over me and said the prayer absolving me of my sins. At that moment the Holy Spirit swept lightly across us and I was filled with joy. I smiled as I thanked Father and left the room. I was still crying in my joy as I walked past all the people waiting in line upstairs and those waiting on the stairs and as the line continued on the floor below.

The conference was wonderful. All the speakers were excellent. I attended the healing service at the end of the conference. The healing priest lay just one hand lightly on my head. My eyes were closed. I felt myself falling backward immediately at his touch. This had never happened to me before. I started to raise myself up but I felt myself being pushed back down. Three times I tried to sit up, but each time I was gently being pushed back down. I felt this but I could see that there was no one there. Finally I let myself relax and enjoy the presence of the Holy Spirit. I was on such an emotional high. I’m certain I’ll be a changed person, the person I want to be.

*Since writing this testimonial about 4 years ago, I’ve read The Devout Life 3 times. The book is a wonderful help to me. To be the person I want to be, a loving gentle person is an ongoing goal and still a challenge. Another book recommended to me in Confession is St. Teresa of Avila, Way to Perfection. I’m reading it for the 2^nd time. Though she’s speaking to her sisters, it’s great advice for souls like me. Almost every day I say something I regret and in my head I think “regret” but I’m more aware now and the regrets are fewer. Thank God for the Saints on earth who guide me and for the Saints in heaven who have always guided me. Those reading this please pray one Hail Mary for me. Thanks you and God bless you.