Love: A New Perspective on Agape (With Meditation)

Law versus love

“’Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’ Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.’” (Matthew 22:36-40)

Pause for a moment, and think about the meaning of “All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” I wonder what the Israelites would have thought if Moses came down from the mountain with only two commandments: I. Love God, II. Love others. Maybe Jesus could have spared the people on the mountainside a lengthy sermon by just saying “Love God and love others”, then letting them all go home to eat.

Mankind tends to make everything complicated. We need explanations, because we don’t always know better. We can’t make things easy, like saying “Drive responsibly. Don’t put yourself or others in danger.” We have to have speed limits, double yellow lines, laws against drunk driving, etc. That way, people can know what responsible driving means. Unfortunately, law and “Thou shalt not” tend to make us forget laws have a greater purpose. Thus, some follow law out of blind obedience while others break the law because it just gets in their way of freedom. 

“For what the law, weakened by the flesh, was powerless to do, this God has done...so that the righteous decree of the law might be fulfilled in us, who live not according to the flesh but according to the spirit.” (Romans 8:3-4) God’s law is only there to lead us to love. If we truly knew how to love, we wouldn’t need the Ten Commandments or Beatitudes. Love would lead all our actions and we would naturally follow God’s law, because it would be written in our heart.

Love would make everything easier, except love is complicated. Or maybe, we just make love complicated.

Love and feelings

In 1968, there was a top ten hit by The Troggs, called “Love is all Around”. The song begins...”I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes. Well, love is all around me, and so the feeling grows.” The chorus continues...”You know I love you, I always will. My mind's made up by the way that I feel.”

Feelings and emotions play a big part of human love. The Dictionary’s first three words in defining love are “a strong feeling”. The strong feeling is not always the same, though. Love has different feelings based on who we love and why we love them.

Love can be a feeling of passion, such as the love between a husband and wife. Love can be a feeling of dedication and devotion, such as the love between family members. Love can be a feeling of warm affection and personal attachment, such as the love between best friends. Love can even be a feeling of delight about something, such as a favorite food or sports team. Some people love (take delight in) being in the spotlight and getting attention, like the Pharisees.

Love based on feelings can fail, because feelings can change. A man and woman can honestly promise “until death do us part”, yet end up divorced and even hating one another. Families can be torn apart. Best friends can have a falling out. One might even change their love of lasagna to love of sushi. If love between people who actually care for each other can fail, how can it ever be possible to love an enemy as Jesus commands us?

Love is not a decision

Some try to solve the frailty of love by saying love must be a decision and not a feeling. But what is this decision? Is it a decision to just say we love the other person in order to ease our conscience? Is it a decision to ignore feelings and tough it out to try to make things work? Personally, I just don’t like saying love is a decision, because even decisions can fail. One can always change their mind about a previous decision.

Love can’t be put into a box and called a decision. Feelings of love can not and should not be denied. Love should make us feel good, bringing joy and peace to our very soul. Even the love of enemies should bring joy and peace. To say love is not a feeling is to deny the power of love and to reject the gift of emotions given to us by God.

So where do we go from here? We can start with the Bible.

Love in the Bible

Love, as a word, can be confusing in the English language because it can mean so many different things. The love between a husband and wife is far different than the love between friends. We are very fortunate the New Testament was first written in Greek. Since Greeks use different words for love based on the type of love, we can know what kind of love is being referenced in a particular verse. There are four different words for love used in the New Testament.

The word “philostorgos”, pronounced fil-ose’-tor-gos (Strong’s Greek, 5387) is the Greek word referring to love as the affection between family members. This word occurs only once in the Bible. Paul writes, “Philostorgos (love as family) one another with mutual affection.” (Romans 12:10) This verse is the basis of Christians calling each other “brother” or “sister” in Christ.

The word “phileo”, pronounced fil-ay’-o. (Strong’s Greek, 5368) is the Greek word referring to love as the devotion between friends. This word is used twenty-five times in the New Testament. One example of phileo occurs in John 20:2. After Mary of Magdala discovered the empty tomb, she ran to tell Simon Peter and the other disciple, “whom Jesus loved”. The word “phileo” is used here to indicate Jesus had a special friendship with that disciple. Another example is Matthew 23:6. Jesus, speaking of the Pharisees, says “They love places of honor at banquets.”  The word “phileo” is used here to indicate they cherished, or had strong feelings for, places of honor.

The final word for love in the New Testament is “agape”, pronounced ag-ah’-pay. (Strong’s Greek, 26) The word “agape” occurs 259 times in the New Testament. It is the most prevalent form of love in the New Testament. Agape is the love Jesus commands us to have for God and neighbors in Matthew 22:36-40. and enemies. Agape is also the love Jesus commands us to have for our enemies in Matthew 5:44.

Understanding agape is critical for understanding how to love God, neighbors and enemies.

Unconditional love

First, lets understand what agape is not. Agape doesn’t replace other forms of love, it coexists with other forms of love. As a matter of fact, all forms of love can coexist together. A husband and wife can also be best friends. Agape doesn’t require a relationship. This is why we can agape our enemies, the poor and those who live sinful lifestyles. Agape isn’t based on emotions, nor is it a decision. When one considers all the qualities of agape, one can easily recognize agape can’t be experience by emotions nor can it be followed simply by making a decision.

Agape is a gift from God. Like all of God’s gifts, one chooses to accept it and live for God or reject it and live for themself. Agape is not a love we can show to one person and not another. Agape is all or nothing. If we open up to God’s agape in our heart it flows out to everyone, not just those we choose. This is why agape is unconditional and not a decision. It comes from God. With all other forms of love, one can tell someone “I love you.” But we can’t say “I agape you”, for we are merely the channel by which God’s love flows to others.

The Apostle Paul defines agape in 1 Corinthians, Chapter 13. The key concepts are below; but the whole chapter is well-worth reading and meditating on.

• Love is patient
• Love is kind
• Love is not jealous
• Love is not pompous
• Love is not inflated
• Love is not rude
• Love is not self-seeking
• Love is not quick-tempered
• Love does not brood over injury
• Love does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth

Paying attention, one can see that the qualities above are virtues. Virtues are increased through prayer, seeking the Holy Spirit and practice. Confessing weaknesses in these areas brings the graces of the Sacrament of Reconciliation and gives strength to do better the next time.  

Finally, agape is sacrificial. “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13) God doesn’t expect us to die on a cross as His Son did. However, agape will sacrifice personal time and needs for the needs others. Agape will crucify hurts and feelings of anger so as to love of others. Agape will practice fasting and abstaining as a way to crucify fleshly desires, just for God.

“Agape never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:8)

“So faith, hope, agape remain, these three; but the greatest of these is agape”. (1 Corinthians 13:13)

Meditation:  Pray to the Holy Spirit and ask:

Have I fully given myself over to the Lord so He can agape others through me?

In what way do I allow my needs, desires and feelings to block God's agape?

Who are the people I find hardest to agape (based on the checklist)?

What specific actions of mine this past week failed the test of agape?

What qualities of agape (based on the checklist) am I the weakest in?

When I go to Reconciliation, do I ever confess failures of agape from the checklist?