Love at Its Core: A Vow That Goes Beyond Emotion

The word “love” is ubiquitous in modern speech, used in everything from everyday conversations to more profound philosophical discussions. I might casually declare, “I love basketball,” “I love my family,” and “I love God.” However, is the profundity of these declarations truly sinking in? Modern society has progressively watered down the meaning of love, reducing it to a collection of passing feelings that change with the seasons and the tides of life. When we say we “love” something or someone, we usually mean that we get a lot of happiness, contentment, or pleasure out of them. Does love, when it’s genuine, have greater depth and permanence than this surface-level understanding?

Love: A Determination vs. a Transient Emotion

Limiting love to feelings makes it selfish, focusing predominantly on the satisfaction or benefit the individual receives rather than on what they can contribute. Although widely held, this viewpoint is, in the end, inadequate and unreliable. A person’s emotional state might change drastically in reaction to things happening around them. What keeps the relationship going when these feelings eventually fade?

In sharp contrast, genuine love is not based on transitory feelings but is, at its core, a voluntary act. Choosing to put the needs of another person above your own, even if it means giving up something you value, is what it takes to practice selflessness. In contrast to fleeting sentiments, this understanding of love is based on a lifetime of dedication to the welfare of the one you love. Venerable Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen, an eminent theologian, explained this dynamic thus: “Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery.” True love is contradictory, as his words show; in the end, we both benefit from and experience the fullness of another’s self-sacrifice.

But love is often reduced to a sensation in today’s zeitgeist, which is defined by an aversion to pain and difficulty. By doing so, we miss out on what it really is. Therefore, love is really a decision, a choice that stands steadfast regardless of how one feels.

How Pain Is Essential to True Love

Herein is a crucial, albeit paradoxical, reality: genuine love is bound up with pain. This link gets more and more obvious as one looks more closely. Loving another person means putting their needs and happiness before your own, which often means giving up something you want or even going through some pain.

“Real love involves real self-denial and sacrifice,” Archbishop Sheen said, eloquently articulating the inseparable bond between love and pain. It denotes giving up one’s own needs in order to meet those of one’s loved one. Love and sacrifice are interwoven, not just related, according to Sheen. The furnace of suffering must test and verify our love, just as Christ’s Passion most eloquently demonstrated His love for humanity.

As an illustration, let’s think about the interaction between parents and children. Loving a child isn’t only about the good times; it’s also about the many dark hours, the never-ending concerns, and the endless sacrifices that parents make to make sure their child is safe. In the midst of adversity, a parent’s love is both demonstrated and tested. In the same way, a marriage is more than just a party when circumstances are good; it gets stronger and more meaningful when partners pull together in times of trouble.

The crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ also provide the gold standard for how love and suffering are interwoven. The love that Christ had for His people was not an empty emotion, but rather a determined action that culminated in His ultimate sacrifice on the cross. Rather than meaningless tragedies, Sheen claimed that Christ’s crucifixion and resurrection were the world’s greatest demonstrations of love. Looking at it from this perspective, we see that the love that Christ exhibited for His lovers was the most perfect example of love that willingly endures pain for their benefit.

Rekindling the Flame of Love

Knowing this, it’s clear that love is more than just a feeling; it’s deep and intricate. Love, then, is an intentional decision to put the other person’s needs before one’s own, even if doing so means suffering much for one’s own happiness. This more profound comprehension of love compels us to rise beyond empty displays of emotion and accept the sometimes challenging facts that characterize genuine love.

If we boil love down to an emotion, we kill its transformational potential and its lasting impact. To the contrary, love’s power and transformative potential become clear when we recognize it as a deliberate act of will. This kind of love has the power to transform lives, create strong and lasting bonds, and, in the end, bring us closer to God, who is Love. “Love does not mean to have feelings; love means to do what is right in spite of feelings,” Sheen astutely noted.

Therefore, it is essential to remember that real love goes beyond words and fleeting feelings when we consider our own proclamations of love, whether for a person, a profession, or a supernatural entity. In reality, it’s a solemn vow to put the needs of the beloved first, no matter how tough or painful the journey may be. Embracing suffering transforms love from a passing emotion into a powerful force that can sustain any hardship; conversely, avoiding suffering diminishes love to a passing notion. Following Fulton Sheen’s wise words, we must adopt this viewpoint in order to comprehend the profundity and splendor of love, which necessitates self-sacrifice and determination.

Sources:

• Sheen, Fulton J. The World’s First Love: Mary, Mother of God. Ignatius Press, 1996.
• John Paul II, Pope. Redemptor Hominis. Vatican, 1979. The following link leads to a document containing the encyclical of John Paul II: https://www.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/encyclicals/documents/hf_jp-ii_enc_04031979_redemptor-hominis.html.
• Lewis, C.S. The Four Loves. Harcourt, 1960.
• Kierkegaard, Søren. Works of Love. Harper Perennial, 1962.