Jesus helps this every day Catholic
Dear Professor Allen,
I’m writing this to you from Sarajevo Airport on my way home from a pilgrimage to the village of Medjugorje in Bosnia-Herzegovina.
To get to Medjugorje, our group took a 3 hour bus ride in the dark of night on twisty, windy roads through the Croatian countryside.
It’s so strange to think about the place we just left but the villagers are not so strange. They are warm and friendly. They are very devout, dedicated to the Blessed Mother. Many speak English but I was able to communicate fairly well with the ones who don’t.
I’m at the end of the pilgrimage with my older brother Larry. We’ve been climbing holy mountains, walking on sacred ground all week.
I’m writing this now while it’s fresh, not because I’m afraid I’ll forget, I’ll never forget, but because I’m afraid by the time I take all my connecting flights home I’ll start to doubt myself. How tragic that would be. I didn’t come here looking for signs. I told my Lord that I already believe. I told him I don’t need proof. I came to get closer to him.
It’s said that everyone who comes to Medjugorje comes because the Mother of God has called them. I believe this to be true. I didn’t intend to make this pilgrimage 2 years in a row. The first time I came to fulfill a 20 year dream. I returned because I couldn’t stay away. I can’t describe my personal spiritual experience but my heart is filled with the Holy Spirit. It isn’t a revival atmosphere here. Not in the least or at least not in the traditional way. There are masses of people here but the conversions are personal and private. Each pilgrim gives and takes as desired and needed from the experience.
Opportunities for holiness are here.
All pilgrims are strongly encouraged to take advantage of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Priests from all over the world come and go every day. Finding a priest to confess to in one’s native language is not a problem. Daily Mass and Holy Eucharist are also strongly encouraged. Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament as well as group and individual recitation of the rosary are daily activities. Our group attended the English Mass in the morning and the international Mass at night. The international Mass is mostly in Croatian and Latin but of course the Mass in any language is easy to understand since Mass is celebrated the same all over the world. If one wishes to hear the homily in her own language she uses a digital radio and ear phones by setting the radio to the station translating her language.
How blessed we were to be able to attend Holy Mass and receive Holy Eucharist 2 times a day. It takes about 40+ priests to distribute the host to the thousands of people attending the International Mass. What great faith have all these people to believe that this small round wafer of bread is the body of Jesus, the promise he gave us, not just a representation. My heart burns with love for Jesus and these pilgrims. I become teary eyed when I remembered this.
There are more opportunities for spiritual growth here, lectures, and visits to orphanages or drug rehab centers including testimonials. I attended none of these inspirational events this year. I wanted to spend as much time as possible with my Lord in prayer, spiritual reading and walking on sacred ground.
I had heard stories of strange happenings at Medjugorje but I was skeptical. I experienced none of this before. Last year I also told Jesus that I didn’t need signs. I don’t need proof that his Mother is really appearing to the visionaries. I believe. I believe. But this year Jesus and his Mother smiled at me and gave me a few “classic signs”. The first thing that happened started before I left home to go on this trip. The very old small child’s rosary I had been praying on and sleeping with began to change. The crucifix and the chain holding the beads together started to take on a goldish tint. I noticed this one morning and I thought this little rosary wants to go with me. After I got to Medjugorje it continued to change a little and it now shows no signs of silver but is shiny and golden.
Also before I left for Medjugorje I was concerned that I might not be able to climb the mountains. My knees had been hurting. Going up and down the basement stairs at home was especially hard but when we got to Medjugorje I realized that the pain completely went away. I had no trouble climbing. I could even spend time kneeling on rocky ground every day. So there was that!
People associate Medjugorje with the “miracle of the sun.” Our 1st night there at dinner some of the others were excited to tell the rest of the pilgrims in our group their sun experience. Their descriptions were confusing though similar in many ways. I was skeptical. I said to myself, “I’m not looking at the sun.” Next evening my brother and I were heading to 6PM international Mass. We were taking a shortcut on a path through the fields and vineyards. Without warning a man walking in front of us turned around and said in English, “look at the sun. When I looked at the sun I was stunned at what I saw. I was frozen to the spot. A minute before the sun had been shining brightly in the blue sky but now I could easily look at it without squinting. The sun appeared as a pure white disc surrounded by circles of shades of blue and rose colors. The man said the sun was pulsing. He asked if we saw it but I couldn’t answer. I would describe the sun as spinning rather than pulsing. Flashes of light around the outer edge of the sun made it appear to be spinning. The colors around the sun were moving in and out. I wanted to stay and stare at the sun but my brother was calling me on. The next day I couldn’t get the sun out of my head. I kept sneaking little peeks at the sun. My poor retinas, I saw spots more than once. No wonder the guides warn pilgrims not to look at the sun. Next evening again my brother and I were walking to Mass. Suddenly I stopped in my tracks and gasped. All my brother said was, “the sun?” I answered, yes. He told me “you’re not supposed to look at the sun.” but I told him this was not a problem. I could easily look at it. I saw this solar phenomenon many more times over the week. I couldn’t help but praise God when this happened. Later my brother told me that he did see the miracle of the sun once when he was walking alone.
The next gift is easy for others to doubt. Again this experience is not unique. Many others had experienced the scent of roses. It happened when I was at Adoration. There was no place to sit in spite of so much outdoor seating. I decided I wanted to kneel for the hour but the ground was covered in gravel on which the benches sat. I folded up my sweater and kneeled on this. Adoration here is an especially peaceful, quiet and solemn service, very devout, keeping in mind the Real Presence of Our Lord. I was deep in prayer when I smelled something floral and sweet. But this scent came and went so quickly I didn’t give it much thought. I was back engrossed in prayer when I smelled it again. This heavenly scent came like a wave, faint, stronger and stronger, a clear distinct scent of roses and then was gone. Think of the most beautiful rose you’ve ever smelled but the smell in not just in your nose but in your brain. The scent of roses comes from God but it would be easy for one to doubt the truth of this, even the one having the experience. Faith makes it easy for me to believe this is from God. When I experienced this scent of roses I knew it was a spiritual experience. I knew Our Lady of Medjugorje was present. It takes faith not to question or doubt this. Also I was able to kneel on the gravel for the whole hour. The time went by quickly leaving me no doubt that this was a sign from Our Lady of Medjugorje.
My brother did not experience the scent of roses until we were on the plane waiting to take off in Sarajevo. It actually happened as I was writing this and so I included it in your letter. We were in the last seat so there was no one behind us and only one man in the seat directly in front. No one had passed by us when my brother asked me if I smelled perfume. I said no I smell jet engine fuel. He said he smelled something sweet but it was gone. I asked him if it smelled like roses. He said yes. I told him, “You know what it is.” He just smiled.
Another occurrence that I feel is noteworthy and may be of some interest to you was the activity of demonic possession and exorcisms. I also saw a few people go into seizures and others fainting. I saw nothing like this last year. I had decided some years ago not to believe in the devil or hell but the past year or so I began to believe again. I had no choice really. However I still wouldn’t believe that demonic possession was possible in this day and age. This was something that only occurred during biblical times. The 1st time I was at international Mass standing next to my brother I heard snarling and hyena type laughing. I heard this a few times during the Mass. I assumed someone was being disrespectful although it sounded neither human nor animal. Walking back to the Inn after Mass I asked my brother what he thought of the horrible sounds during Mass. He said he was certain it was the devil. I was shocked to hear him say that but he expressed what I really thought.
The next evening we went to Adoration at 9PM. I was kneeling close to the front and Larry was way in the back. We had a meeting place if we got separated. When we got back together I told him I heard more demonic sounds. He said he witnessed 2 exorcisms happening near him. He said the sounds were coming from a boy sitting on his haunches in an animal position. Two priests wearing special stoles were performing the exorcism. Larry witnessed the possessed boy snarling and striking out at the priests but was ineffective. For the other exorcism a lady had fallen between the benches and had partially crawled under one of the benches. She was convulsing and coughing. She crawled out from under the bench unto the walkway. She got on her hands and knees and was coughing with full body coughs as if trying to cough up something. People had moved out of the way to give the priests room to work. Larry doesn’t know the outcome because he moved to another area.
Our last night there, Mass ended and we started heading back to the inn. We decided not to stay for Adoration since we were leaving at 2:30AM. We were walking away when I thought I heard a baby wailing but the sound was too loud and creepy. We both turned around and started to walk back curious. We saw a young women making these sounds. One priest was with her and another was hurrying over. Larry said “we should leave.” I agreed. I asked my brother why the devil is here in this holy place. He said the devil is especially here. I said but how can the devil possess people here? He said most likely the possessed people were brought to be released. That made sense but then I asked “aren’t all priests trained to do exorcisms?” He said no.
This letter is long enough but I’ll give you a few happy moments. We stayed in the family home of one of the visionary although she doesn’t live there, Vicka Ivankovik pronounced Vishka, her mother, brother and 2 sisters live there and run the inn. I enjoyed visiting with them as we talked about their famous daughter and sister. Whenever I got lost I just needed to ask people for Pansion Vicka Mama and they knew right away.
One spirit filled couple in our group are Presbyterian. They’d heard about Medjugorje and like myself it was a dream for years to come. I told them I admired them because it takes much greater faith for them to come them for me and my brother. We were as helpful to them as we could be answering their questions etc. They even went to confession though the priest said he could listen and advise he could not give absolution. They participated in all the services. They even had rosaries and were learning how to say the rosary. They did experience the miracle of the sun.
I asked my brother on the way home “what did we get out of this?” He told me what he got out of it and I asked him to write it down for me. Here it is: A renewal of faith – Increased devotion to the Blessed Mother – Desire to tell others of Medjugorje – Desire to return to Medjugorje – Prayer for myself not to lose what I gained at Medjugorje.
I understand that much of this might be hard for you to believe since you’re not a Catholic but just as I’ve listened and learned as you shared your beliefs in class I know you’ll respect the sincerity of what I’m telling you.
I’m adding an addendum to what I wrote to Professor Allen. My brother also wrote his memories. I’m inserting what he wrote about our experience on Apparition Hill before and during the apparition.
“After Adoration we use our flashlights and walk the dark trail to the inn for supper of meatballs and peas. I had made the decision to spend the night on Apparition Hill even though I didn’t bring bedding. Kathy brought 2 sheets from home and she gives me one. It is near 9 PM when Kathy and I arrive at the blue cross. It is already starting to fill with the overnighters. To my disappointment my pre-selected spot has readily been taken. I search for another spot to bed down but it is inferior and further back. Kathy is less than 30 feet from me but I can’t see her. I resign myself to a long sleepless night among the rocks. I am able to straighten out my legs but a small chisel like embedded rock punctuates my upper butt on one side. I contort to a sideway fetal position but my knee touches a girl. I pull back a little. I already miss my bed and it's still early. The sheet does not provide adequate warmth and I am uncomfortably cool all night. The whole night, all night long there is praying and singing. The singing is pretty like a choir. Near me the Italians are saying the rosary. When one finishes, another one starts. Their voices never seem to show signs of weariness. I can't sleep. I have to roll my eyes backward to see the moon. There is a full moon tonight interspersed among black clouds. I endure the endless night watching the moon which is now in front of me. Light rain starts to fall. I did not bring rain gear. It is only a slight brief shower. It quits then begins again. I now worry rain may become harder and it is difficult to leave because of stepping among so many people. Umbrellas pop open all over, but the rain Quits near earl morning. Dawn and near apparition time. (October 2, 2012)
Two loud speakers are set up and ringing bell like music and singing anticipates the vision. I cannot see Mirjana approaching at my poor vantage point, but she kneels in front of the blue cross. Everywhere you look rosaries are dangling from hands in prayer. Then suddenly there is not a sound for about 5 minutes the Blessed Virgin Mary is near me. I stand with my camcorder raised in my right hand and hugging a small tree with my left arm, feet balanced on two uneven rocks for height. I film nothing but the area of a man's head for 5 minutes.”
And then my brother talks about hearing The Blessed Mother’s message in different languages over loud speakers as the crowds attempt to make their way down Apparition Hill. I see a glimpse of Mirjana as she is escorted back to her home. Last year I was able to see her as she received the vision. She was so joyful and peaceful during the apparition of Our Lady, as the visionary’s call her but this year I was too far away to see her. We did see her as she was escorted away. She looked so tired and weary and was even limping a little and I thought with great joy comes suffering as we share in the suffering of Christ. I watched her disappear through the crowds with her escorts and my heart was filled with love for her all and all the visionaries.
[Editor's note: the events and individuals surrounding Medjugorje are under Church investigation]