The Expectation of Perfection

Perfection.  What a scary word!  What a loaded word!!  What an impossible word!!

Do you want, need or strive to be perfect?  Do you know a lot of perfect people?  No?  There is a reason for that.  “There ain’t none”.   How boring would life be if the world was filled with nothing but perfect people?  I know, for years I strived to be perfect or at least worked toward a state of perfection.  Looking back at that time in my life, I now realize that perfection, or even the appearance of it, was a futile effort.  And it was exhausting.

Humility helps

Jesus said on the Sermon on the Mount, “do not be anxious”.  Striving for perfection forces one to live in a state of anxiousness if all you want or need is to be is without fault, without sin.  Recently, I was talking to my parish pastor and he also talked of his uneasiness of failing or making mistakes, or at least having a difficult time forgiving himself for making mistakes.  To this day, if I make a mistake that I know I shouldn’t have made, I kick myself for days and sometimes weeks before I can forgive myself.  I need to do better.  This is a great time to exercise a little humility.  Giving up a little of myself to accept my human failings is an act of humility which I would do well to act on a little more often.

As a child, I believed priests, for example, did no wrong, that they were perfect.  Afterall they are priests, God’s co-workers here on earth.  Since my joining my parish staff and having a lot of interaction with priests, I now realize, that even though I still maintain a high level of respect for any priest, they aren’t perfect, and no one knows this more than the priest himself.  I don’t recall my childhood priest referring to himself much at all.  Perhaps that was because he felt he was responsible for ensuring my soul was in good shape, instead of sharing his own feelings.

“Forgiveness”…there’s that word again……

Now, after these many years, I have a more realistic impression and knowledge of the priests who are part of my life.  A friend of mine is a priest, and I still feel like I need to be as perfect as I can when visiting or around him.  Crazy, oh yea!!  I don’t think I’ve ever told him this, and if he were to read this article, he’ll know, and he’ll reinforce I’m crazy to feel that way.  Afterall, we Catholics are in the forgiveness business, aren’t we?  And if we ARE friends, then, as he once said to me, “Being friends also means we can react honestly and not be worried.”  Sage words, for sure.

I once made an awful mistake at work many years ago and was convinced I’d be fired.  But then, someone once told me something I’ll never forget…..and I repeat to anyone who will listen in a similar situation.  When you make an error, you think about that error, again, and again, and again, and again.  And over a period of time, you’ll have thought about it a thousand times, giving you the mindset that you made a thousand mistakes, when you only made one.

Jesus to the Rescue

This is about the time you need to give it over to Jesus and ask for help carrying that cross.  He’ll forgive you and forgiving yourself allows you follow his instruction of, ‘do not be anxious, for it doesn’t add a single hour to your life’.

A friend of mine had a similar punch in the gut making a mistake with a business associate.  And he kicked himself over and over for it.  Was he wrong in what he said?  Yes, he was wrong.  But he immediately realized that what he did was wrong and quickly worked toward apologizing and trying to make it right.  He recently mentioned that mistake to me again, which took place three years ago.  So, it’s clear to this day, he still hasn’t let it go, because he still brings it up.  What a heavy cross to carry for the last few years.  Jesus forgave him the minute he repented, but my friend can’t let it go.  I feel for him and have asked Jesus to give him the strength he needs to forgive himself.  I pray that will happen someday this side of heaven.

Imperfect for a Reason

I recently talked to my parish priest about this subject.  I told him that I believe there is a reason Jesus didn’t make us perfect.  If the world were filled with a bunch of perfect people, none of us would need Him.  And clearly, He wants us to come to him and rely on him for peace in our hearts and ask Him for help to ease our minds.

I’ve managed to convince myself that Jesus wants me to do my best, try and be the Face of Jesus to others, and pray.  He is my guiding light.  Focusing on Him and what he wants of me, will allow me to lean on Him when I am anxious about my imperfection.  Like I said, perfection is tough.  Jesus’ forgiveness of my imperfections provides me the solace I need to know that perfection applies only to Him.  And as long as I do my best and choose to lean on Him, he’ll be there for me when I need him.

So, remember, expecting perfection is exhausting and unachievable.  Give yourself and others a break.  Leave perfection to Jesus where it belongs.