A Perspective on IVF

The debate on IVF continues in our society as the presidential debates unfold. I’ve seen many social media boards blowing up with various opinions on the matter. 

I wanted to share a personal perspective. My husband and I haven’t been able to have a baby yet and have had a number of people recommend IVF to us, including some of our own family members. I’d be a good candidate for the procedure. 

So what prevents me from doing it? Morals are one consideration, but so are 3 other key questions posed by the Gospel.

1. The morality of it. I can’t live with the idea of innocent embryos being frozen or killed so I get what I want. 
2. The unknowing of God’s will. What if I push it and this wasn’t God’s will for my life? I believe that probably has eternal consequences.
3. What if this is the cross God chose for me and I don’t deny myself? Can I really call myself a Christ follower?
4. Is this the most charitable way that God wants me to respond to this problem in my life? What response would lead to more perfect charity? 

Number 2, 3, and 4 points relates to today’s readings when Jesus says, “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and that of the Gospel will save it,“ and James suggests that faith without works is dead.

From my perspective, infertility is less about the question of how to fix it (especially when it comes to a point where it seems unfixable), and more about why God has allowed it, what God is doing in and through the experience of it, and how God is calling me to respond.

Infertile couples carry a unique cross: the cross of frustrated desires for a biological family and not being able to be fruitful and multiply the love they share. It’s very possible that this is the cross God chose for us and that somehow this is part of His will for our lives. 

Suffering, self-denial and taking up crosses is always a hard pill to swallow in our day and age. No one wants suffering. No one wants to deny themselves anything. People seem less resilient than ever. We all are impatient. We all want quick fixes to our problems. This makes today’s Gospel really hard to emulate in our lives. No wonder we are starting to compromise on solutions to those problems, like the problem of infertility.

You can debate the morals of IVF for a lifetime, but I suggest also looking at it from a different lens, the lens of today’s Gospel and second reading. Is infertility a cross? Are we accepting God’s will? What response is God asking of us in this cross? How can we transform the experience of infertility into a response with good deeds - a faith with works? 

If we’re honest with ourselves and if we’re true to what Jesus asks of us, we know that Jesus’ way demands a different response.