Five Common Mistakes Catholics Make in the Confessional

Five Common Mistakes Catholics Make in the Confessional

Our church is having a parish mission this week. As part of the program, the visiting priest offered to hear confessions by himself both before and after the talks each night for three days.

After the first night’s talk he admitted that he was not expecting the church to be so crowded. Yet he offered to stay until every last person in line had a chance to make their confession. Given the size of the congregation, he was wise to end his talk with a refresher on how to go to confession.

He brought up five things that we ought to avoid in order for everyone to have a meaningful, sacramental experience and also to keep the line moving. Here they are:

1. Don’t be Vague: If there is a sin that needs to be said, say it with precision. For example, instead of saying, ‘I looked at inappropriate material on my phone’ be specific as to the nature on the content.  Many things can be considered 'inappropriate' which would not be immoral to view. For example, throwing a pie in someone's face is inappropriate. But no one would confess viewing it. Be specific and mention the kind of material you viewed such as ‘pornography’ and how many times you viewed it. It is important for the priest to understand exactly what the sin is and how often you committed it. 

2. Don’t tell a Story: An example of a story one might tell goes like this, “Father, I was at the such and such mall and I was in line to buy a cinnabon and there was a woman with a red dress whose perfume smelled very nice and when I looked at her I entertained a lustful thought”. Just say, 'I allowed myself to engage in lustful thoughts'. Avoid details beyond the nature of the sin. 

3. Don’t talk about how Good You are: “Father, I teach CCD, and I have been faithfully married and I normally donate to the poor and here is my sin…”  Even though we experience guilt and shame and even though we are usually good people, we are there to confess our sins not our virtues. 

4. Don’t tell the Sins of Others: Father begged the congregation, “Please don’t tell me the sins of others”. He implied that it usually happens with married couples. Instead of focusing exclusively on their own sins some people will list the sins of their spouse or others. This is probably done to justify their own sinful words and actions or to give a rationale as to why they committed the sin. Stick to your own sins. 

5. Avoid Long Silent Pauses: The priest and those waiting in line expect that you took the time to make an examination of conscience and that you have a mental list ready to go. It is awkward for the priest to have to ask, in the middle of a long pause, if there is something else that you need to confess. If you are done with making your confession let the priest know that you are done. You can do this by ending with the sentence, “For these and any other sins that I may have forgotten I am truly sorry”.