Suffering

Suffering comes in all forms. Physical, mental, and emotional. We cannot escape it and from looking at and learning about all of the Saints and Martyrs, we should desire it. Sensibly and realistically, no one wants to get raked over fire or fed to the lions. But I believe that's how we feel sometimes even in our meekest sufferings. It must all be in the way our minds and souls perceive it. I try and it is my goal to accomplish "no fear", in all of my daily trials, and lately, they have been overwhelming. 

     Every single time though, it always sits me back in the seat of Surrender. Surrender to my God who wants to show me who really is in control. Why can't I learn? Pride is my culprit. All of the money in this world couldn't buy my resurrection from God's will. No amount of Fame will ever put me in the front of the line. Why do I have to repeat over and over my suffering of mind and soul to a God who is watching and waiting so patiently? 

     My desire to please Him is not as great as my actions to please myself. I am ashamed. God have mercy on my soul. I wear the Holy Scapular and I pray my daily Rosary but sometimes, a lot of times, I have let it become scheduled. How many times God in His Angels and in His Saints, with our beloved Blessed Mother Mary and my sweet Guardian Angel, have come to my rescue and proven themselves as Savior to my pleas and console me when no one else could or would. My inability to surrender is my suffering. It cuts just like a knife, throbbing until my Lord picks me up and holds me in His arms, assuring me that it will be all right. I profess all that I am His and His alone and then prove those words and sentiments wrong by my rash decisions of control and stubbornness. It always gets me in hot water. Why can't I learn? He always lets me feel the recourse of my actions by showing me someone who is truly physically suffering.Then I start over. Praying for another chance to prove myself to Him who is endlessly merciful. What would I do without the mercy of God? What would any of us do without the mercy of God?

     My mother always taught us to offer up our sufferings. Whether it be for the Holy Souls in Purgatory or someone who was in dire need. Every time I do this, it comforts me and makes my sufferings feel tolerable and worthwhile.

     Oh God, please be patient with me as I struggle with my sufferings of mind, body and soul. Take away my Pride and let me reside by the Cool Waters of Thy Mercy and never let me be separated from Thee or Thy Holy Presence by the sting of my own choices that tear me away from your Fatherly protection and guidance., Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. I love you. Stay with me. I surrender. Make me and instill in me a courage as strong as a warrior in battle. Help all of us as we walk the narrow path to your Heavenly Throne in Heaven, as we offer to you our sufferings. No matter what they may be.