THE SHADOW OF THY GATE

THE SHADOW OF THY GATE 

A few years ago, my wife and I were walking with our dog about a mile from our house when we came upon a bird sitting near the side of the road; he couldn’t fly. This robin, I thought, fell from its nest and was hurt. I moved closer, picked him up and set him down on the grass. His wing was broken, his leg was broken, and blood trickled from his small body. He must have been hit by a car. I could not leave him there, so I picked him up in my hands, and cuddled him. He flapped with one wing as I tried to quiet him and keep him warm. As we walked back home, the robin in my hands was dying; he was weak from his injuries and his eyes were closing; but he was trying to hang on, to life. 

I await at Thy gate, to enter, from here to there. I think of You Lord, on the other side, waiting for me to fall into Your Arms of embrace. I have this picture of You affixed in my heart and soul, reaching for me, calling softly as my time nears. You have given me a time of preparation to empty myself of this world, to follow this path to Your Gate. My journey has been long and consumed with loneliness, sorrow, heartbreak, sins of neglect and materialism, false truths and a road of self achievement. My efforts were often misdirected, resulting in disappointments and failures. My conversion was slow but—like the swiftness of a wand—with the power of Thy Cross which I held in my hands, You entered my heart and soul, giving me new breath of life. And with prayer and the Holy Rosary, I have been led by rose petals of the heart—the fragrance of Thy Holy Mother. 

I have given my life to You, to move closer to Thy Gate—from the shadow of the outside, to the brightness of the inside. I wait for You in prayer; and long to be with You, forever. Of anything I have asked of You, or any words I have spoken to You, none other than these, are more important: “I love You. I love You. I am so sorry for everything; I love You.” What I feel inside for You cannot be fully explained. My words of expression, filled with compassion and sorrow, fall short in my offering. 

Although I have surrendered myself to You—it was You, who surrendered Yourself to Your enemies. So again, I surrender all of me, in the greatest of love, to You, my friend, and Lord. You have known my heart more than I—for Your presence in me, is obvious. You are the driving force of my soul, creating a reservoir of compassionate love. My affection for You, consumes my thought in my daily tasks. I constantly reach for You, waiting for Your hand, to reach mine. My patience is not tested, for my inner peace is my guide that I must wait, at Thy Gate. One thing I know for certain, You are there, on the other side. When You call me, I will not hesitate. I will know it is You, not by Thy nail Marks, but by being immersed in Thy radiance of merciful Love and by the great peacefulness of my spirit, floating, seeping through Thy Gate—from shadow, to brightness. 

For this ultimate Home, I am presenting my soul of spirit for Your retribution. Let my conduct be remembered: I was a sinner; I searched for You, reaching for You in darkness; loved You, and found You. Let me not be separated from Thee. Somewhere in Your Kingdom, is there a room for me, for eternity? If this matter is in question, I'll be at Thy Gate, seeking Your Mercy, waiting for election. 

It is true that I love You, greatly; and I'm so sorry, I did not love You sooner, and consumed more abundant gifts of grace. For Your Presence is all about me, casting anchor in my soul, igniting my heart and soul on fire with Your love, creating an ever loving passion within me, reaching for You, that I may serve You here, and also there. Let those I meet on my path, be enriched by Your Presence within me, and the words I write and speak on Your behalf; open hearts that they, too, will find conversion to You. For each one waits at Thy Gate; nevertheless, no one enters but through You. You have told us, “The gate is narrow.” (Matthew 7:13-14) “Enter by the narrow gate, since the road that leads to perdition is wide and spacious, and many take it; but it is a narrow gate and a hard road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” For this reason, I suspect, so many unrepentant sinners wait, in the shadows of the outside, clogging the gateway, to the inside. In peacefulness my joy is infinite, for I am satisfied with the small pieces—the crumbs. 

Many small pieces of loaves I have spread out in my backyard, feeding the birds and animals that lift away this bread of life—little voices of heaven that ring out their songs and fly among us: little angels, with different colors and beauty. 

I kept breathing on the robin, still cradled in my hands, trying to keep him alive. We hurried so we could take him to the Lutz Museum, where they care for wounded animals. But when we reached home, before we could do anything the robin took one long stretch and died—in my hands. My wife and I took him to the backyard, dug a little hole, set him in it and covered him over with soil. The song of silence, carried to heaven—to Thy Gate. 

In Thy shadow I will rest with Thee, and Thy Hand of God will float upon us, lifting our spirits beyond Thy Gate—giving us new wings and voices of song to praise Our Lord—forever. 

Robert J. Varrick
rjvarrick@gmail.com