Finding Joy in Problem Relationships
In August of 2009, I heard a homily by a priest who told us, “You can’t outdo God in generosity. But it can be fun to try.”
Encouraged by his words, I gave into an interior nudging. That nudging told me to take all $143 we had and drop it in the collection plate.
I did not, at that point in my life, tithe. I told myself we didn’t have enough and we couldn’t afford it and surely Jesus would not expect us to starve or go homeless. But on that day, with trembling hands, I put that money in the collection plate. I gambled on God.
And then, like the widow who fed Elijah the prophet, I went home and prepared to face death. On that day, we had exactly one vehicle and it was the ride my husband used to get to work. Without his income, we couldn’t make it.
That vehicle stopped working on Friday. We couldn’t afford to replace it or repair it. That little pittance of money I had was simply not going to be enough, but without the ability for my husband to get to work, I feared it would be all we had to help us make it through the problems ahead of us.
After Mass, disturbed and distressed about the future, I went on a walk to talk to God about our situation. He sat me down at one point and asked me, “Did you not tell me that everything you had was mine?”
“I did,” I admitted.
He replied to me, “Then why are you distressed?”
The peace of the Holy Spirit came over me. I went home to face the outcome of my decision, whatever that might be.
I walked through the door and my husband, newly converted as of that Easter, looked at me and said, “It’s all going to be okay.”
I told him, “I know it is.”
He said, “No. You don’t understand. It’s all going to be okay.”
Then, he sat me down and gave me the news. Friends of ours came together to raise $8,000 to help us purchase a replacement vehicle. They called while I was out on that walk having that talk with God to let my husband know.
The widow who gave the last of her oil and flour to feed Elijah the Prophet didn’t know what would become of her and her son if she made that sacrifice.
She took a risk and gambled on a god she did not know to deliver on a promise made to her by a man she just met.
I took a risk that day and gambled on a god I barely knew to deliver on a promise made to me by a priest I just met. And did God ever deliver.
Fear is my greatest villain in life. Fear of going without, fear of not having enough, fear of death and the suffering that comes with it. That fear leads me to all sorts of trouble. It leads me to making short-sighted decisions that damage friendships and hurt my relationships with those I love most.
And, at the bottom of those fears, is the greatest fear of all: The fear that I am not loved and am not lovable. The fear that, if people know the truth about who I am and all the mistakes I’ve made that got me where I am, they’ll reject me and walk away. The fear that my mistakes are so great that God will abandon me and walk away in disgust.
Giving my all sets me free of those fears and creates room for God to show up in ways that are miraculous and undeniably Him. It creates room for God to ensure the flour and the oil don’t run out for the widow, that the vehicle we needed comes to us, and that all of our needs were met without us having to pay for these things.
It allows Him to show me that He loves me and cares about me even in the midst of my greatest mistakes and worst decisions. It allows Him to prove that money is not what I need to secure my future. He is. If I have Him, I can be confident that everything I need will come my way.
Don’t be afraid to give it all today. Don’t be afraid to let go of everything you’ve got and surrender it all to Him. Give when it hurts and you're most afraid the money's not going to be there to meet the needs you've got.
Don’t deprive yourself of the opportunity to witness the miracles that can show up when you place all of your trust in God and surrender everything you’ve got to Him.
Watch this homily by Father Mike Schmitz: Kingdom Sacrifice. Let it touch your heart and let it encourage you, as it did me, to give it all to God.