First, you pray!

I think it's really crazy how God gives. God is very generous, so when you ask for something you need to be prepared for something generous! Every day I pray to use the gifts that He has given me to help others, to help my brothers and sisters, to build the body of His Church, to keep His body moving!

When I first began to know my Catholic faith it was like testing the water. I would go so far, and then wait until I warmed up a bit, then take another step or two, and wait until I warmed up again. I heard a bad thing or two about Catholics, so I would wait to see if I would be bitten by something bad that would make me run out of the water screaming, "I knew it! I knew I could only go so far!" Nothing has ever bitten me! After a while, I just dove in. One day I told God, "What am I waiting for?! The deeper I go into the water, the more I feel Love! I am totally and absolutely in love with Jesus! The water is cool and crystal clear!" So I just dove in and I took my family with me! God is the Lifeguard! He said, "Just as I made it. I am here and always will be!"

So I dove in and took my family with me, but hat doesn't mean we're all professional swimmers. Some of us almost drowned, but we lifted each other up, "I know you love this water, but you need to swim on your own! I'm just going to bring you to the side where you can hang on and watch. I'm here when you're ready." My dad is always saying, "Oh, I always feel like I don't know everything! I can't do back flips!" Haha... I said, "Dad, you're not supposed to! Just know that you love this water, and dog paddle, that's good enough!" Sometimes we'll hear, "That's not the way to swim! You should really do it this way!" I say, "If God wanted me to do it that way, then I would!" Or someone will shout, "I'm going to make my OWN pool by putting borders up around this corner!" I would say, "Alrightie! As long as I can come in and visit!" Sometimes I hear, "I'm going to see how long I can hold my breath under water!" I say, "Ok, make sure to pray before you do that!" Every now and then I also hear, "I'm getting out. This is too hard!" I say, "Did you ever hear of saint..." In the end, you always have to give it to Jesus, "Jesus, I'm going to go sit on the steps and pray for a while. I'm tired. These guys are making me tired!" A family will do that to you. What else are they supposed to do? Love tires you out. I love my family and love is not just a feeling. Love is more action than feeling! Sometimes I'm pretty mad when I have to do things, because I know somebody made poor choices, but there's always hope. I hope they see how valuable and loved they are by Jesus. Love is sacrifice. Love is trust. We need to trust Jesus with so much more than what we are. It's not like a game of cards, where we are gambling and expecting to win something in return. Love is giving yourself completely to Jesus and wanting nothing in return. What else can you give to Jesus? I have nothing at all that I could give to Him, besides myself, and I'm not even worth anything! But somehow, Jesus always overwhelms me with His love. So I say, "That's Yours also Jesus!"

I asked God to allow me to use my gifts and He put me to work! The past three months have been so crazy! I've never been so challenged, in every way, in my entire life! I thought my mom was going to die! I was driving back and forth, from here to there, an hour and half away sometimes three times a week! I would take my aunt to her appointment, and the next day I would take my son to his. I had such high hopes for the next meeting at my son's school, after his diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder, but I left thinking that it was all a joke! I'm praying that the same doesn't happen to other parents. There were some moments that were so discouraging to the point of me wanting to give up, and my heart never ached so much in my life! My world was shaking and trembling, but I hung onto Jesus as tight as I could. I've never heard so much talk about fearing death in my life, and it was from a few people. I said, "Death is not to be feared. Do you even know where you're going when you die?!! You're going to heaven!!! Do you know Who is going to be there??? God! Jesus! The Holy Spirit! The Blessed Virgin Mary! The angels and saints! Our family! My grandma is there!! My brothers and sisters! I'm excited for death because I'm going home. I have so many people in mind that I want to talk to. Can you imagine the masses and masses of angels and saints that are waiting to greet you??? They already love you! To live eternally with God in love is not to be feared! You need to talk to Jesus if you fear death." There is so much working in your life right now that wants to help you to heaven, but you have to choose heaven. You have to choose God and to follow Jesus.

So I think the way God gives is crazy. because God has a sense of humor. I think He reveals it to me all the time, because He knows I love to laugh. Laughter is the second best medicine for everything. When my mom was in the hospital, the nurse was hooking up her third blood transfusion and I could see how worried and sad my mom looked. So after the nurse went out I said, "Jeez Bella! You must have a baby vampire in your stomach." My mom looked at me and laughed. My mom loves Twilight! Prayer is the first best medicine for everything. First you have to pray. I've heard some people say, "I don't know how to pray!" There's no perfect way! God already knows every single thing about you. Sometimes all I can do is sigh and think, "God, I have no words, but I know I need You." If you really want a relationship with Him, prayer opens up the door for Him. My soul has been through the wringer after I opened that door! It's tough to see how dirty your soul is, but God is gentle. I go to Confession a lot and sometimes more than that. Like I said, I'm not even worth anything! But I have the gifts He has given to me, and I pray to use them every day. Maybe I should say "borrowed" like St. Therese of Lisieux, since I'm not worth anything, I give it all back to Him. You'll never know the power of prayer until you pray!