SHADOWS OF MY SOUL

SHADOWS OF MY SOUL 

( As written to my spiritual director , Rev. Edward McLean )

Why is it, we walk the same path, but you do not see me? Why, have I walked in your shadow for so long? For so many miles we have journeyed together, some close, some far away. Can we not walk, together? Are we not going in the same direction, to the same place? 

What must I say to you, to make you know, I have been a Lord’s gift to you. Who else is there that sits, and waits, and listens? What disciple are you? Are you Thomas? Must I show you the scars of my heart? Do you question my spiritual integrity? Who could listen to your words so intently, so many times? Why is it I pursue your words? Why would I be here, if the Lord had not sent me? Isn’t it the same burning thirst we both have for our Lord? Did you not watch me grow? Is it so unbelievable my passion for my Lord is so strong? Can you not understand the purgatory I have been in? Are you in such a hurry, you do not see the faces and hearts, of who seek your words? Shall I open up the door of my soul, for you to see? What will you find there? Will you find a mirror of your own soul? Will you see what a friend, really is? Will you see my lake of compassionate tears? Do you see tears with your name on them? Will you float upon them in calmness and peace? Can you see the compassionate eyes of the Lord, waiting for you? Will you see and feel the great peace, my soul has consumed? Can you see the Lord, holding my two blankets to give to you? Blankets, made of altar-cloths, with the Lord’s blood on them! The blood of truth, love, and friendship, in remembrance, of His sacrifice for His friends, and for all. 

Can you see the Lord's Chalice? His Hands hold it out, to you! Drink from it; fill your soul, with His Spirit. Can you feel a soft breeze? This is the Holy Spirit breathing on you, filling you with His compassionate heart. Can you see words, floating in my soul? As the words float down, the Lord breathes on them, one by one. I write them down, all of them. As He speaks, they find their place, to bring you, closer, to Him. These words that float, I could not write them by myself. These are His words. I write them, from Divine inspiration, feeling compassion from each word. It is this gift of compassion that fills me. 

 
Do you see a cross, standing there upright in the shadows? Can you see my 

hands holding this cross, giving this gift to another? Can you see these clasped hands of another, holding my cross consuming the Faith of our Lord? Can you see this act of compassion our Lord gave when called upon? 

Do you see a peaceful sunrise in my soul? The reflections of rays reaching inward, outward, homeward, in all directions like a cross; the falling mist of compassionate tears, the anointing; the sky of clouds, each one carrying a floating word of spiritual pulsation; a rainbow of colors: the pathway that carries us each step, each breath, to the gateway home. 

I walk to the gateway in great peace with the Lord. This is my heart, my faith and the shadows, of my soul! 

Robert J. Varrick 

rjvarrick@gmail.com