Witness of a Wretched Sinner

I have been away from Adoration for some time now. Occasionally, out of desperation of missing Him, I put on Perpetual Adoration live on YouTube on the livingroom TV. It's not that there isn't any Eucharistic Adoration available in my area, it's that, if I'm being completely honest, I haven't allowed God to order my days so that I may have the proper time for each thing I am to do. What that really boils down to is a lack of trust in Jesus.

As a single mother I am the sole provider and have allowed myself to work all the time to try to make my business successful while also working as the cook in a nearby convent and carrying out all the other duties of my current state in life. I have allowed my worries to take me away from the Lord. He Himself had promised me a thriving business a long time ago, but warned me not to forget about Him. He thinks of me all the time, while I have done just what He warned me not to. I slipped away and with that so did my peace.

I decided I've taken on more than I can chew and have recently said no to some things that were good in and of themselves, but would still take me away from where He calls me to be...sitting quietly with Him, adoring Him and allowing myself to just bask in His light in His sacrament of love. 

I returned to this place this past Thursday and stayed with Him for 1 hour. What an impact! Immediately upon coming into His true presence tears began to flow from my eyes. I was not upset. I was not distraught.  I wasn't even crying, yet the tears flowed. They were an outward sign of my soul's overwhelm and exuberant joy at how much I am loved by the creator of all! How can it be that the Lord of Lords, the King of the universe should love little wretched me? I can't explain it, but I am grateful beyond words.

This morning, on the way to Mass with my friends we prayed the St. Michael chaplet in the van. We began with a silent Act of Contrition which immediately brought me to tears. I have felt much sorrow for my sins, but have never come to immediate tears. My eyes were closed and I felt immediately swept up into His presence. I felt deeply how my sins had hurt Him who is the truest love of my life. It hurts to have hurt Him so!

Yet here I sit in the church before Mass writing this after having been to confession where the One whom I've hurt has forgiven me and bestowed upon me grace to strengthen me against sin and grace of wisdom to recognize my sin.

In just a short while He will be made so small in that little white host so that I, and all here and at every Mass may receive Him.

Praised be the Lord Jesus Christ, my Lord, my Life and my Love.