Fear of New Year Resolutions?

“Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart,” Psalm 37:4.

               While I was growing up, my mom often called me “Testa Dura,” Italian for “Hard Head.” I was stubborn and wanted things my way. So, why is it that, as an adult, I seem to have so little resolve?  The only way I ever avoided breaking New Year’s resolutions was not making any in the first place.

               Maybe my downfall has been trying to do too much too quickly.  The American Psychological Association recommends starting small, with goals that we think are attainable, and changing one habit or behavior at a time. (Although I’m writing mostly about exercise, most of these principles can be applied to any goal.) If we haven’t been exercising regularly, we need to begin with an easy routine and build endurance and strength over time. As with many things in life, especially our earthly pilgrimage, it isn’t where we start, but where we finish.

                Or, maybe I too often “go it alone,” but need the support of a friend, family member or group. If we have an exercise buddy or enroll in a class, we’ll probably get to the gym more often, right? Sometimes it’s a matter of distractions more than self-discipline. There can be many distractions at home, but at the gym, there’s nothing to do except exercise. Sharing our goals with family and friends can help gain their valuable support.

                It’s important to persevere, even in the face of mistakes or setbacks. Having the humility to ask for help is crucial, too. I may have some knowledge and experience, but I don’t have all the answers about anything. For health goals, a doctor or nutritionist may be of assistance. For other goals, I could consult a life coach, mentor or even a spiritual director. If the needs of my family take precedence over whatever I had set out to do, it’s okay. No need to kick myself. I’ll simply try again tomorrow, or at my next opportunity.

               Something that often helps is reminding myself of the reason behind the resolution. While reviewing my daily planner, that “e” word jumps out at me. Exercise, ugh! Okay, why exercise? To stay healthy and – in my specific case – to avoid pain from a misaligned hip and spine. Good reasons. Often, the hardest step for me is that first step. Once I start walking on the treadmill, usually the rest of the workout follows. Early in the morning means I’m fresh, not tired from other tasks that I chose to put ahead of exercise. Setting a specific time for that workout helps create a routine.

               I also have silly strategies to subvert my weak resolve when it comes to eating. I make sure to zip past the aisle with the salty chips, and keep my eyes straight ahead if suddenly detouring through the freezer section. Ice cream? I don’t see any ice cream. After getting home with the healthy groceries, even if a craving starts, I won’t go out again. If I order curbside, I’ll refrain from putting the naughty stuff on the list. Of course, if my husband and I are entertaining, that’s different. We’ll order or make snacks and desserts, but with an eye to moderation, so that we don’t have too many tempting items left over.

               Of course, probably my biggest problem is putting myself in charge of my resolutions and behaviors, and not the Lord. Have I even thought to ask Him what He wants them to be, what He wants me to do?

               This year, instead of deciding on my own, I’ll pray in front of the Blessed Sacrament, because God speaks in silence. Adoration may not be available until early January, due to our parish schedule, but that’s okay. There will still be 51 weeks left in the year. After reminding myself of who I am and who the Lord is, I’ll ask His forgiveness. Next, I’ll praise and thank Him for His love, mercy and blessings. Then I’ll ask for His wisdom and guidance. I’ll ask Him to show me what His will is for my life and my resolutions, and commit myself to surrendering to His plan, even if it isn’t what I had in mind. Really? Yes.

               Surrender to His will (even though I know it is Mercy and Love) may take patience, praying for docility and abandoning myself to Him like a child. I could ask St. Therese of Lisieux to pray for me in this regard. Then I’ll listen for the Lord’s voice in my heart.

I may not get a clear answer right away. I may need to persevere in prayer, to wait and watch for the Lord’s signs and direction to arrive through the people and circumstances I encounter in the following days or even weeks. God’s plans often take time to unfold. Even St. Paul, after he met Jesus on the road to Damascus, had to wait for Ananias to open his eyes. Then Paul was baptized and began his discipleship.

               Maybe this needs to be my resolution this year and every year: to do God’s will with love and joy, and avoid at all costs deserving the name, “Testa Dura.”