I have said “yes” to God hundreds, maybe thousands of times,
Each time going deeper,
Deeper into surrender,
Deeper into trust.
And I am looking at another thousand surrenders, a thousand more times I will let go and say “yes”
One “yes” was especially difficult,
The yes of surrendering my family to God.
I stood on the hub of a wagon wheel with my large family balanced on the rim. I crouched on the hub, frantically turning this way and that, grabbing all the broken spokes, desperate to hold the crumbling structure together.
God was telling me to let go
But I was frozen in fear, afraid that if I let go, my entire family would tumble down into the abyss.
I was trapped.
Yet, I realized that once again, my tension, my control acted like a wall, shutting out all life. My sincere concern and earnest self-sacrifice actually magnified everyone’s brokenness, by freezing everyone and everything.
Then a friend helped me realize…I was trying to save everybody
I was acting like God.
Stealing God’s job.
Well, when I heard it put that way…I was shocked.
Shocked by my arrogance.
Shocked that while I considered myself a committed Christian,
I really was a heathen at my core,
I was shocked enough to say “YES” to God one more time,
And experienced so much joy,
I wondered what took me so long.