Ancestors
Each New Year's eve, for 15 years of my life was spent on a stage playing for all the people who felt it necessary to drink themselves into Oblivion to greet the New Year the next day. I remember thanking God I was on that other side of the stage, safe and away from the madness my eyes were beholding. All the while, always thinking of those four precious girls that were waiting for me at home. Thinking how I wished I was there with them but also realizing it was the only way for me to make extra money for them and myself. God had given me a gift of voice and skill in playing an instrument so therefore that was my way to do it. Our name, as a band, was well respected, and as the years progressed, people were asking the bar owners for us to play again for them to come and listen to.
I can understand, that how if you're not solid in your faith, you can get sidetracked into the wilds of pride and addiction. I saw plenty of fellow musicians fall into this trap, but the knowledge that I was a mommy first, kept my desire to just get back home after the four long hours on my feet and the draining of my energy in performing would take a toll by midnight. There was then the tearing down of the equipment and sometimes the long ride home that drained me the most.
Every year, at the stroke of midnight, everyone would shout "Happy New Year" and I prayed silently that it would be. My marriage was like that of a child waiting for Santa to arrive with everything I desired but somehow miss the most important gift of all " love". I went through those years using my music to soothe me and it did. But everything was going so fast. By the time I knew it, my girls were growing out of dollies and pretty matching dresses and seeing mom and dad like two ships passing in the night. Eventually, it became just me and the girls. With nothing of his own doing but mine. We probably would have remained married but feeling like two prisoners in cells next to each other. My desire to show the girls that love was supposed to be more than that, slammed us into a whole different world. Now it was five girls, myself being one of them, to fend for ourselves, depending on each other.
They are married now, with sweet families of their own, getting through rough times, like all families do. But with the everlasting ingredient that all marriages must have.... Love... I am proud of each of them. All different in their own ways. Making this old woman able to say and truly mean," Happy, blessed New Year!"