God and me
It has come to my attention recently, that I am not a very good listener. A very dear friend named Sandy, gave me the wonderful book written by Matthew Kelly called "The three ordinary voices of God". In it, he advises all of us the dire need to stop and listen to the voice of God that dwells within each of us. I realized while reading the book, that I am not a very good listener.
I go to confession with the desire to hear Jesus tell me what to do to avoid making the same mistakes and to cure my habitual sins, but evidently I'm not listening. Because I seem to have the same reoccurring sins committed. Keeping my mouth shut and staying silenct is a hard thing for me to do. So many times I am guilty of cutting someone off in the middle of their sentence to give my" two cents worth" and then walk away not really remembering anything that they have said. I am ashamed of this.
Another resolution for this new year! To be a good listener.
If I profess to want to surrender to God, then I must listen to Him. I must strive to listen to that inner voice that guides me and directs me and loves me unconditionally and totally. He wants to teach me. He wants to guide me. But I must listen.
Listening to God's voice and having the outcome become perfect go hand in hand. There will always be problems that arise, there is no escaping them. No one can have a perfect life here on earth. But it can be more gentle by listening to the voice of God. I think a lot of my non-listening is due to fear and the rest due to pride. The only way to correct these two vices is to listen genuinely to the voice of God in all things.
Sure we must act when our eyes are aware of an injustice, like bullying or deceit, but we must also realize that we are not the only ones seeing it. Our great God is seeing it also and He is the greatest justice of all. Our determination for instant gratification and Justice is not acceptable, to me, in the eyes of God. So then why do I continue to keep having control?. It's my pride. Deadly is pride. It takes away all of God's control, and to me, that is such a bad thing. How ungrateful it makes me seem. How unreliant are my judgments and ways in the eyes of God. He is my ruler. My judge. The judge of all things. I'm sorry my God, for taking things into my own hands all the time and not relying on you completely.
I must say, I have heard Him say to me "Patience Marianne", or "give it to me" or "surrender to me and let me handle it". I succumb in the moment, but end up trying to replace it back into my own hands. Frustration at the length of my urgent prayer, gives way to fear and pride, making me take matters into my own hands. Having the waiting to take much longer than it would have if I just would have surrendered it when He told me to. Instead, I listened to my own prideful, fearful voice.
God has never let me down. I always come to this realization when something big happens to me and I am sent to my knees after many hours, days or even months of waiting. His time is the perfect time. All that worrying, was just wasted time and I am ashamed to say that I have wasted more time in this, then listening to the voice of God, while He patiently waited for me to listen.
Oh! God! Let me hear your voice within my heart and mind. I ask, I knock, I seek. Please open the door.