What is the essential element in marriage?

START WITH COMMITMENT

Lk. 3:15-16,21-22

When did Jesus know who He was and what His role in life was to be?  I am sure you, like me, have often wondered about that.  We can reasonably assume that He was not born, knowing Himself to be Son of God, the Saviour of the world.  No little baby, not even this very special baby, would be capable of such thoughts.  He was a normal and healthy little boy.  As long as someone kept Him warm and dry, and fed Him when He was hungry, that was all He cared about.  But somewhere along the way, He began to sense that He had a unique relationship to God. 

No one can possibly pin point this realisation.  It probably started in adolescence and came to full flower in His early manhood.  In any case, by the time of His baptism, He knew that He was the Son of God.  He saw the Holy Spirit descending in visible form like a dove upon Him and He heard a voice from heaven saying, "You are My beloved Son.  On You My favour rests."  From that day on, there could be no doubt that God had special plans for Him, but He did not and could not know all the details of that plan.  His life, just like yours and mine, had to be worked out, day by day.  The one thing Jesus knew for sure was that He would do what God wanted Him to do.  He was committing Himself to the task that lay ahead.

In this regard, He has set an example for you and me.  When we are faced with a tough job that needs to be done, like Jesus, let us start with commitment.  Give yourself to it wholeheartedly.  This is the essential part of any important task.  Of course, it is not the only thing.  We also need knowledge and the necessary skills.  Fathers and mothers need to learn how to be parents.  That is a highly skilled job and training is important.  A bride and groom-to-be need to learn the fine art of marriage.  This is not simply a matter of "doing what comes naturally".  It is an adventure that lends itself to training, but the number one factor in either of these tasks is commitment.  Sometimes it is the only thing that will keep us going.  When the road is long and rough and uphill, we may be tempted to turn back.  I have little doubt that this was the case with Jesus.  There must have been times when He was tempted to quit.  If you doubt that, remember that the New Testament says He "was tempted in every way that we are". (Heb. 4:15).  When the people of Nazareth drove him out of town and tried to kill Him, the thought of quitting may have entered His head.  When the authorities made life difficult for Him, He may have wished His job was easier.  When His own disciples kept missing the point, he may have wished they weren’t so ‘thick’.

Every noble adventure includes moments like that.  The best things in life, for some strange reason, are often the hardest. Have you seen the poster that poses this question, "Why is it that everything I enjoy is either immoral, illegal, or fattening?"  That is a rather cynical view of life, but it is also somewhat accurate.  Life is tough and it sometimes seems to be working against us.  Marriage is hard.  Parenting is hard.  Getting an education is hard.  Being a real Christian is hard.  Those who attempt these things will, at times, be tempted to quit.  Often, the only thing that will keep us in the struggle will be a serious commitment.

Why does a mother sit up all night with a sick child?  It is not because she is some kind of super human being who doesn't need sleep.  Is it not because she always has warm and cuddly feelings for her child?  It is because she loves her child and is committed to taking care of her little boy or little girl, no matter what happens.  The world may come crashing down all around her, but you will find her sitting beside her sick child.

Commitment is the key element in any noble adventure.  Jesus started with that.  It was how He began His public ministry.  May God give us the grace and wisdom to do the same.  If every marriage started with commitment it would keep the couple together when nothing else will.  Whatever we are trying to do, if it is worth doing, start with commitment.  It is the essential thing in any important task.

It is also the most rewarding thing.  Commitment is not always grim and hard.  Sometimes it is happy.  It is, in fact, a prerequisite to the most joyful experiences people can have.  Casual friendships can be fun, but those light-hearted hours do not compare with the deep joy of a true friendship.  I know of people who have had brief sexual affairs.  Such a thing appeals to some.  There is the excitement of the new and unfamiliar, but it can't compare with the warmth and trust of a committed relationship.

There was once a man who became a step-father.  His wife had four daughters in their early teens.  Sometimes he cooked for them, at other times he chauffeured them around, and occasionally he was a disciplinarian.  There were times when the girls resented him and regarded him as an intrusion in their lives.  There were times when they showed their disfavour, but he stayed at the task.  What they could not understand was his commitment to them.  He saw them through secondary school and through university.  The hostility slowly waned.  Eventually they accepted him and they became good friends.  One day when they had all left home they sat down to reminisce.  They recalled the good times and the bad.  They laughed and cried.  One of them turned to their step-father and said, "Why did you put up with us?"  At first, he was too overcome to answer.  When he could talk, he said, "It was because I believed that someday we would have this conversation we are having now."  In this case, the reward of commitment was life-long friendships.

So, if you are about to take on some great adventure in life be it university, marriage, parenthood start with commitment.  It is not everything, but it is the key element and it will work and it will bring its own reward. 

Lord Jesus, at Your baptism You committed Yourself to the will of Your Father, help us to follow Your example and commit ourselves to pleasing You.

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