Gratitude When you're Hurting

GRATITUDE WhenYyou're Hurting!

The first order of business after the holidays is sending those thank you cards or emails. This is often viewed as a tedious task, especially when we don’t particularly care for the gift. Now here is the paradox of gratitude. St. Paul told the

Thessalonians “to give thanks in ALL things” It’s easy to thank others  for gifts we truly appreciate and it’s easy to thank God for the good and lovely things of life; a glorious sunset, a soft luxurious spring day, the people who show us love. On most days we thank God for the special people in our lives even when they drive us crazy.

But the paradox is to express gratitude for gifts, people or events that may cause us disappointment, hardship or pain. This is what St. Paul was really talking about when he said ALL THINGS. Saying thank you when it’s awkward, as when acquaintances invite you to dinner and really don’t want to go. Some people tell little “white lies” to avoid the event or feigning another commitment or sickness. But God sees a lie as a lie. We need to contrive a list of truthful lines for such occasions.  You may need to ask God for some inspiration. But be prepared for Him to say, “Go anyway!” Maybe he needs you to be there to give them something of yourself or to receive something. You never know.  Always look for the lesson to be learned in less than pleasant situation.

Similarly, we need to stay on top of our children when they experience unpleasantness or disappointments. Look for something good in it. It’d hard to graciously respond to an unwanted gift or a rejection. But somewhere in it is some small thing to be grateful for and it may just be to offer the hurt for the souls in Purgatory. This is especially true in more serious circumstances such as the diagnosis of a serious illness, the loss of a job or missed promotion, being unappreciated for your contributions or a change of plans. In most of life’s events we can find some kernel of good though ever so small. We need to see life from God’s perspective because he has the long view of your life and knows what is good for you. But still, we ask why does God allow suffering?

When young men and women go through the rigors of military training they face a lot of deprivation, pain, hardship, lousy food etc. But on the other end they have learned discipline, self-control, when to speak up and when to hold their tongue. It’s the same for all of us when we train ourselves and our children to find a purpose or the lesson to be learned. These things clarify what is most important in life. Many victims in the California wildfires have lost everything but are so grateful for their lives! Adversity overcome with a positive attitude trains us to be strong, mature, compassionate, aware of others’ needs. Yes, there are those who whine and complain spreading negativity around like confetti! Ignore them.

People who have found something to be grateful for in hard times build the  strength to face the next set back in life. Shielding children from life’s challenges does not teach them to be people of resilience and strong character. Life has many challenges and the earlier we learn to cope and find something for which to be grateful is an important life habit.

Few of us realize that ingratitude is a sin because the focus is on self and having our own wants met. Allowing others to do good for us is a gift being offered and an opportunity to affirm others’ generosity and practice a little humility. Happy people are not necessarily grateful but grateful people are generally happier people.

The best and most perfect way to express our thanks to God is of course, to say Thanks for those near misses and calamities that come our way and for the beauty of creation. Those are obvious but what He most wants is for us to offer Him our presence before the Blessed Sacrament. Whether attending Mass, visiting the Church after work or attending to His presence exposed for Adoration. In doing this we express our love for the Lord, offer thanks and fulfill our duty to adore Him. (first commandment)

But how do we develop this attitude of gratitude? By forming habits. Throughout the day look for those things that lift you up, a child’s smile, an old couple holding hands, someone being kind to you or someone else and nature’s beauty. Then say Thank you, God. When the day has been hard, look harder for something good to appreciate. These are baby steps until you have formed the habit.

Since the isolation days of COVID, society seems to have forgotten how to be civil, chivalric, courteous to those around them. Most days we experience rude behavior and a self-righteous demand for personal entitlement that has not been earned. This societal narcissism destroys relationships, communication and a sense of community where we can feel respected. We need to work hard to rebuild civility and manners starting at home. Make a grateful fuss when someone uses good manners, praise them. Give gentle reminders to children for what is expected and praise their efforts. When we praise what is good and pay less attention to the not so good we are more likely to see repeated good behavior.  After all, we all like praise. Gratitude increases happiness. Develop an attitude of gratitude.