Confess & Repent

I text frequently with a friend who lives in another state. We usually do this on a daily basis. We share about different topics; family, the weather, sports and current issues. One subject that arises more often than not is our daily struggle in our spiritual walk. We as faithful Catholics have this come up often in our lives. At times it can be a minor cross we must bear, or it can be a cross that we have been burdened with for years.

So it is with my friend and myself. At times we can be so much alike in the way we see things, and deal with them.It's as if we use the same playbook-I guess we do, its called the Bible. We all battle against the world, the flesh. and the devil. As followers of Christ this is expected. (1 John 2:15-17, Epesians 2:2-3 & 6:12) So of us do so to a lesser degree, some of us to the greater. Nonetheless we still face these foes. As my buddy and i discussed our problems; he told me that he has confessd this particular sin for years. Yet he continues to commit this sin repeatedly. Guess what!?-so have I. It matters not if I go in detail about this sin, but I will say its a Mortal sin. As I thought about this, I reflected on my own struggle. So many times I had crossed the line. Repeated this same sin. And like him had confessed it during the Sacrament of Reconciliation. But to no avail...

Oh how many times I felt the embrace of Jeus in the confessional. The joy of hearing the priest say "I absolve you of your sins." The warmth of that grace given to me as a gift. A gift I so readily cast aside in order to satisfy myself. My once forgiven heart returned to the blackened urges within me.(Matthew 15:19) I often wondered how much did I weary not only God, but the priest. This repetitive onslaught of the same confessed sin like an unending wave. Yes I was truly sorry for my sins. But I wasnt sorry enough to stop. In my shame, I used tactics such as going to another church for confession, forgetting to confess the sin, and actually trying to confess myself that it wasn't a sin, but a natural function of my flesh.

Numerous times I thought of St. Augustine and his plea to God. "O lord, make me chaste, but not yet." I truly wanted to serve God and the Holy Catholic Church. But I still wanted to be served by the three enemies of my soul. I justified my actions. I wasn't hurting anyone-not even myself! But I was hurting myself and people I loved, not to mention my Savior Jesus. Then an epiphany came over me. Sure I was doing all that a faithful Catholic should do; attending Mass weekly, sometimes daily, going to Adoration. At the same time I finally realized what I was neglecting to do. I was not repenting.(Matthew15:8) That was the key. I had a choice as we all do. I could stay bound forever or I could call out to God for help.(2 Cor. 7:10)

It has been almost two years since I made the right decision. Jesus has set me free from tha particular sin. I still sin, but my perspective on confession has changed. Like all believers in God I am tempted everyday in one way or another. I continue to fight those three enemies. Sometimes I win and sometimes I lose. But I never stop fighting back. So I hope and pray that to those who struggle as I do, that you may find the true joy that comes from true confession. And the grace of true repentance.