What Makes a True Friendship: 10 Faith-Based Tips for Testing Any Friendship

Prayers and Surprise!

A steaming cup of hibiscus tea, butter melting into the crisp, warm pumpernickel toast, and the soft, call of a mourning dove serenaded my morning. It was nothing extraordinary—another late winter morning, the sky still wrapped in the quiet hush before dawn, as I settled in to check my emails and scroll through my socials. A reminder of a bill due, a letter from a website subscription, a cheerful ad from Lululemon… and then, a message from... an old friend?

 I immediately thought, certainly God has heard my prayers!

 My dear virtual friend, I’m not ashamed to admit that, though my life is rich with wonderful moments, children, a loving husband, and the most incredible pup, I find myself longing for the kind of companionship that only a true friend can offer. The kind of understanding that only a woman on a similar journey can truly grasp.

While I am, in many ways, deeply fulfilled, there are times I long for someone with whom I can share the silliest (and sometimes most frustrating) aspects of motherhood, someone with whom I can swap recipes and trade tips on arranging flowers. And in those quiet moments, I find myself reflecting on the friendships that have come and gone, wondering where the threads of connection have unraveled.

 Life unfolds in unexpected ways. People grow, they change, their values shift. They welcome children, move to new places, and sometimes, irreparable blows to the ego send a friendship into a spiral, leaving it beyond repair.

 What was once a vibrant life filled with friendship and camaraderie gradually shifted to one centered on family, leaving behind a silent ache for the circle of womanhood I had lost. And so, I prayed.

 "Lord, bless me with the gift of true friendship—companions who see my heart, who share in my joys and sorrows, and who walk with me in grace. May our hearts be kind, our words gentle, and our love deep. Amen."

 A few days after my prayer, I found myself reading through a lovely, well-written letter from a friend I once held so near and dear to my heart. In the five years since we last spoke, so much had unfolded in both our lives. She had traveled the world, while I had welcomed another child. She lived her dream life abroad, while I took on a new role within the church as a catechist. She maintained the fit lifestyle we had both once cherished, while I had lost my ambition to be the glamorous cardio bunny.

 So much had changed, yet more remained the same. Her kind heart, wisdom, encouraging nature, and our shared faith felt like a nostalgia I'd longed for, a reminder of the deep bond we once shared. I was thankful. I mean I was truly and sincerely thankful.

 But I was quickly reminded that we do indeed live in a fallen world, and where there is good, there is (sadly) also bad. In the years since I'd known her, I'd grown in my faith, and God has undoubtedly blessed me with the wisdom that comes with aging.

 I reflected on how our friendship ended, the words spoken, the undeniable sting of rejection, and the pain I felt from losing a relationship so important to me. And I found myself yet again calling out to the Lord. This time, asking for the wisdom to forgive, to heal, and to understand the lessons hidden in the hurt.

 And most importantly, is this a situation in which to guard my heart, or one in which to open it and trust in God's guidance for healing and reconciliation?

 With the reemergence of an old friendship rekindled, I find myself asking... what truly makes a good friendship?

 I asked, and in His perfect timing, God answered.

 A good friendship, as outlined in scripture, is rooted in virtues that reflect the love and character of Christ. But how can we recognize when a friendship truly embodies these qualities? Here are ten tips, along with Bible verses, to help guide us in discerning whether a friendship is one that honors God and strengthens our walk in faith.

10 Faith-Based Tips for Testing Any Friendship

1. Loyalty and Faithfulness

"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." – Proverbs 17:17

A true friend remains steadfast in every season, showing unwavering loyalty even when life gets challenging.

 
2. Honesty and Integrity

"Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy." – Proverbs 27:5-6

A good friend speaks the truth, even when it stings, because honesty nurtures trust and growth.

 
3. Encouragement

"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing." – 1 Thessalonians 5:11

A friend uplifts your spirit and strengthens your resolve, always rooting for your success and well-being.

 
4. Selflessness

"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." – John 15:13

A true friend prioritizes your needs and well-being, even when it requires sacrifice.

 
5. Forgiveness

"Bear with one another, forgive each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive." – Colossians 3:13

A good friendship allows for grace and forgiveness, embracing the imperfections of both parties.

 
6. Wisdom and Good Counsel

"The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense." – Proverbs 27:9

A friend offers guidance that is rooted in wisdom, providing insight that comforts and directs.

 
7. Patience and Understanding

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." – Ephesians 4:2

A true friend is patient, understanding, and supportive, accepting you for who you are while helping you grow.

 
8. Shared Faith and Spiritual Growth

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." – Proverbs 27:17

A friend helps you draw closer to God, encouraging your faith and spiritual journey, sharpening each other in the process.

 
9. Companionship

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." – Romans 12:15

A friend walks with you through life’s highs and lows, sharing in your joy and offering a shoulder in your sorrow.

10. Trust and Confidentiality
"A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret." – Proverbs 11:13
A true friend values trust, keeping your confidences safe and always honoring the sacred bond between you.
 

As I reflect on the beauty of friendship, both the joy and the heartache, I am reminded that true companionship is a gift from God. It is not something to be taken for granted, but something to nurture with intention and grace. Through the highs and lows, the ebbs and flows of life, it is in the heart of a true friend that we find God’s love made tangible, His wisdom shared, and His grace extended.

 May we always seek friends who mirror the love of Christ, and may we strive to be that friend to others. Let our hearts be open, our minds be wise, and our relationships grounded in faith, for these are the friendships that will carry us through this world and into eternity. And in all things, may we remember that, just as we are loved by God, we are called to love others with the same depth, sincerity, and grace.

 So, as I ponder what makes a good friendship, I find my answer: it is love in its truest form, rooted in Christ, and reflected in the lives of those who walk with us, side by side.

 In His Love and Peace,

Chay

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