The Love You Didn't Know You Had

Have you heard the classic Old English story about “Stone Soup”? In its briefest form it tells of a beggar knocking at the door of a very poor woman, asking for food. She averred that, in her own poverty, she had nothing to offer him. The beggar then asked for a stone. Though bewildered at his request, she suggested that he help himself to any of the stones in her dusty yard, but asked what he would do with a stone. He told her that he would make soup with it, if she would provide him with a bit of boiling water. Incredulous but intrigued, she boiled a pot of water, into which the beggar deposited his selected stone.

“It would taste a little better if there were a carrot sliced into the water,” he said, “And perhaps a dash of salt.” Reluctantly the woman added a shriveled carrot taken from her barren larder, and a dash of salt from her sparse supply.

“An onion would add a bit of flavor” suggested the beggar. From the almost barren cupboard, the woman found a single dried-up onion and sliced it into the pot, admitting that it did provide an appealing aroma.

“It would smell even better with a rutabaga in it,” said the beggar. In her window-box garden the woman found a lone rutabaga, and also a sprig of parsley. The collected ingredients provided an appetizing bit of pottage for the beggar, who graciously shared it with his astounded hostess who had claimed she had nothing to offer. Together they consumed the sparse repast, except for the stone. When the beggar pocketed it, the shabby woman asked him what he was going to do with it.

“The stone hasn’t boiled enough yet,” said the beggar. “So I’ll take it with me. Some day in my travels I may want another bowl of stone soup.”

The story, of course, is not intended to provide a recipe for “stone soup.” It is a poignant allegory designed to make us aware of our often-untapped resources—our commonly unrecognized and unexercised love capacity. The beggar, of course was Christ in his incognito presence, as he exists in “even the least of his brethren.” In his gentle loving manner of persuasion, he enticed the indigent woman to recognize her unused resources, small though they were—an example for all of us who feel depleted spiritually, physically, financially, emotionally or otherwise. She who needed input was asked to provide output; she who needed to receive was enticed first to give. Though she herself was needy, she was nudged into helping another person in need.

There is, in her response, an obvious similarity to the poor widow admired by Jesus for putting her last two copper coins in to the temple collection box, and, as Jesus noted, “out of her poverty, gave all she had to live on” ((Luke 21:4). Of course, no two people have identical circumstances; you’ll probably never be solicited to contribute to a temple collection box or a soup pot, but everyone is challenged to foster a thriving spirit of altruism. All of us need constant re-motivation to maintain a Christ-centered love for others in the face of our countless self-centered interests.

It has been said that kindness is an act of showing love for someone who doesn’t deserve it. That questionable maxim might be valid if it were not for the awesome mystery of the hidden Christ-presence “in even the least of his brethren” (Matt. 25:40). There is no one who is undeserving of kindness; Jesus showed kindnesseven to the worst sinners, like adulterers, cheaters, criminals, prostitutes, and even his betrayer, Judas. Facing a terrorist, you have the right to self-defense, but not the right to hate. Jesus prayed for his torturers: “Father, forgive them…” Jude 23 says, “Hate every trace of their sin while being merciful to them as sinners.” St. Augustine’s trenchant epithet paraphrased that dictum: “Hate the sin, but love the sinner.” God himself follows that norm.

If we are truly convinced that no one is undeserving of our kindness, we will never miss an opportunity to extend a tiny act of loving kindness to anyone we encounter; that includes family members, often children, who may be closer to “love-starvation” than even parents may realize.

Kindness is love’s meaningful “point of contact” with another; that’s why kindness is described as “the touch of love.” Jude 21 says, “Stay always within the boundaries where God’s love can reach and bless you.” It’s within those same boundaries that you can reach and bless others. Those boundaries may have been bare-cupboard areas for years, but scraps of grace-animated kindness become the nutrients that make your “stone soup” vitamin-enriched.

If you are tempted to regard this basic Christian mandate of kindness-to-all as a mere pious nicety—and the word “Love” is merely a sign-off before your signature on a personal note or letter—then stop and seriously review God’s love letter, his Spirit-inspired word. In his advice to Timothy, Paul wrote that “God’s people “must not be quarrelsome but kindly to everyone…patient, correcting opponents with gentleness” (2 Tim. 2: 24). To the Galatians (6:9-11) Paul wrote: “Let us not grow weary of doing what is right, for we will reap at harvest-time, if we do not give up…Whenever we have an opportunity, let us work for the good of all, and especially for those of the family of faith.” (Then, as if to highlight this cardinal principle, his next sentence conveys that emphasis: “See what large letters I make when I am writing in my own hand!”)

Paul admonishes the Ephesians (4:2-3) to relate to others “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” In 1 Thessalonians 5:15, he suggests love as a replacement for the more common urge for retaliation after strained relationships, adding the simple advice: “Always seek to do good to one another and to all” (italics mine).

It’s certainly good to love yourself, as Jesus reminds us several times, quoting Deuteronomy. But in each quote, just before the phrase “as yourself” you will find the word “neighbor.” “No grace or blessing is truly ours,” said Phillips Brooks, “until we are aware that God has blessed someone else with it through us.” To restate that principle somewhat facetiously, “Anyone who is in love only with himself should get a divorce.”

“As the occasion permits” is the biblical phrase that does not restrict but rather expands opportunities to relate to everyone by loving kindness. Such occasions become more and more evident to those souls who constantly find Christ playing hide-and-seek with them in sin-frayed and troubled people all around them. And here’s the surprising part, which I call the “stone soup” effect: By following God’s word in this matter we’ll soon happily discover ever-unfolding untapped reservoirs of love that we didn’t know we had, like petroleum engineers discovering vast oil deposits that become gushers. Such fortuitous results might be the Lord’s way of enticing us to grow together in the queen of virtues, charity, by which we become “built together spiritually into a dwelling place for God” (Eph. 2: 22).

Have You Ever Cracked a Cootie?

To realize better how ample are the opportunities of showing kindness to others, consider this remarkable example: Cameron Townsend, founder of Wycliffe Bible Translators, was endeavoring to translate the New Testament into the Cakchiquel language in Guatemala. But he was dismayed to find that the biblical phrase, “your neighbor,” was meaningless to persons of that tribe unless it was translated in accordance with their cultural expectations. The final choice of phraseology for the Cakchiquel word in their Bible was “your companion in cootie cracking.” As explained by Townsend’s tribal linguistic consultant, a good neighbor is one “who will pick your cooties (head lice) and squash them without pulling your hair.”

Your chances of “cracking a cootie” are probably about the same as your occasions for making “stone soup.” But such bizarre cultural idiosyncrasies remind us that there are uncounted ways of transmitting Christ’s love to others. In view of quaint examples like this, Peter’s words (1 Pet. 4:10-11) take on a deeper significance: “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms...He should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ” (italics mine).

In typically down-to-earth African phraseology, a Zimbabwean proverb says, “To remove a thorn in one’s foot, the whole body must bend over.” That aphorism has provided generations of missionaries with an ideal analogy for teaching the Christian doctrine of the mystical body of Christ—that is, the inter-dependence of God’s people, as they are organically related to one another as members of his Mystical Body. “Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve” (Matt. 20:28), so we are to “serve one another in love” (Gal. 5:13). “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Prov. 27: 17). After enumerating some ministerial gifts given to some Christians, Paul says that these are to “prepare God’s people for works of service” (Eph.4:12).

In pursuing love animated “works of service,” we must never think of our efforts as solitary “on-our-own” endeavors. Why? Because God’s word reminds us that, even after his ascension into heaven, “the Lord worked with them (the disciples) and confirmed his word by signs” (Mk.16: 20). The paradox in all this is that the service is accomplished not only by him but also for him. He not only helps us make the “stone soup,” he enjoys it with us. “I will come in to you and dine with you, and you with me” (Rev. 3:20). He is involved in both the cause and the effect of our human endeavors for good. He is the “alpha and the Omega” (first and last letters of the Greek alphabet)—the one who not only empowers the grace flow, but ultimately the one glorified by it. And, from what we know of Jesus’ personality, there is every reason to believe that he truly delights in our discovery of hidden love-growth opportunities. He’s like a father smiling over each discovery by his giggling children in their Easter egg hunt.

Love with Rolled-Up Sleeves

In crisis situations, with survival at stake, human cooperation and coordination of effort are more challenging, and are expressive of a deeper level of love functioning. Expressed proverbially, “A friend loves at all times, but kinsfolk [those with stronger ties of love] are born to share adversity” (Prov. 17: 17). The Pearl Harbor attack galvanized Americans almost overnight into the most complex cooperative war effort that humankind had ever witnessed. The infamous 9/11 tragedy elicited an overwhelming response to the needs of others, and even more so, the response was evidenced in the staggering tragedy of the 2004 tsunami disaster in southern Asia, and more recently headlined terrorists’ mass killings.

Yet, from the perspective of eternity, even the worst earthly disaster presents a crisis far less catastrophic than the threatened damnation of countless souls. In this ongoing “salvation crisis” we are called to cooperate with the Lord and with each other by intercessory prayer, and by the exercise of love in the form of zeal for others’ next-world eternal welfare. In our zeal, no love source should be left untapped.

The opportunities for involvement in loving service to others are almost limitless. A few examples might highlight the breadth of opportunity for works of loving kindness. For instance, activities such as transporting invalids to church or to the doctor’s office, visiting the sick or elderly parishioners in hospitals or convalescent homes (perhaps as a Eucharistic minister). You may have unparalleled opportunities for leading souls to Christ in the highly rewarding prison ministry. Consider baby-sitting for couples attending a marriage retreat weekend. Try reading to the blind, writing get-well cards to hospitalized parishioners in the name of the pastor, taking up food and clothing collections for the poor, working in skid row soup kitchens, at least on holidays. You might try working in one of the many “gleaning” programs, retrieving edible food discarded by restaurants or grocery stores, making clothes for orphans or war-victim babies, being a hospital or Red Cross volunteer worker a few hours a week, catechizing children, teaching reading skills to the illiterate, preparing meals for bereaved families, spending a few hours a week taking a parish census or reaching fallen-aways by the “doorbell ministry.” You might be inclined to work in ecological programs, to volunteer as a teaching assistant, to serve in pro-life activities, gang ministries, “like-towards-like” programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous or drug rehabilitation programs, etc. There are many outreaches like the “Habitat for Humanity” house construction program, which appeals especially to younger volunteers. More ambitiously, there’s always need for more lay evangelists, lay missionaries, catechetical instructors, and bi-lingual individuals to assist the marginalized to get legal or budgetary help.

From the vast array of outreach choices—and your pastor can suggest perhaps many more that are parish related—take time to select the most appropriate one by a prayerful review of your talents, interests, time-availability, finances, vocation, and providentially fashioned circumstances. In the adage of Solomon in Proverbs 3:27, “Do not withhold good…when it is in your power to do it.” That parallels Galatians 6:9: “As we have the opportunity, let us do good.” It’s exciting to help the Divine Architect build his Kingdom.

St. Basil, the fourth-century bishop of Caesarea, wrote, “He who plants kindness harvests love.” And that love is the main ingredient that you’ll find in the cupboard you thought was bare—the love you didn’t know you had.