God's Mercy

My brother Patrick was born today, March 17th. He had a good life until his teen years when something traumatic happened to him. After that, he was never the same. He began to drink and never really stopped. It eventually drove him away from almost everyone who ever loved him and it eventually killed him. In his fevered last days, unconscious and thrashing about in his hospital bed, he called out “Jesus, save me.” He immediately became calm. He never regained consciousness and died peacefully a few days later.

I miss who he was when we were kids, but I also feel like his suffering in those final days strengthened my faith and helped me to understand God’s mercy and forgiveness. Like the man born blind from birth in the gospel of John, my brother’s life might have been sacrificed so that the world might know God’s healing power.

For my brother on his birthday…..

Where are you my brother?
Are you in heaven?
released from the evil that was done to you?
Have you finally seen justice?
Collected your debt?
Have you left behind the anger,
the pain of betrayal
and learned how to love yourself?

Has God’s healing hand
swept you up and removed the fog
that kept you from re-living your nightmare
over and over and over?

Are you calm, and warm and at peace?
Is heaven all they say it is?

I hope so.

Are you in purgatory
paying for the mistakes you made?
Your willful misconduct. Your acting out.
Trading blow for blow with anyone
who might have come close enough to harm you?
Did God find it necessary
to keep you there
where you could see others like you
to teach you compassion
and feel His love for you
through justice?

Can you reach out
and let me know you’re okay?
Can you let me know that my prayers have reached God’s ear
and that He has told you
that you are loved and missed and remembered
by those of us left behind
and that there is still hope for us?