Just as I am

     My sweet mother would always say, "that's just the way God made me. That's just the way I am". That response was usually said after someone (me),  would say to her, "mama, you need to hold up for yourself!" Then she would look at me with those beautiful brown eyes and smile with all the tenderness in her heart and say, "that's just how I am". Meaning, meek, tender, quiet, watchful. All of the things that I am not. It would anger me so, to see her so quiet. I thought she had so much to give other than her daily duties of taking care of the household or all of us children or daddy. I realize now it must have been envy on my part, because I just couldn't keep my mouth shut. I grew up in an era where it was okay for a girl or a woman to speak up and I was not afraid to. But my mother always remained silent. She was my mentor. Then why wasn't she showing me strength in her words? Only until I got older did I realize she was doing just that. Her strength lay in her opposition to be heard. To be noticed. She was acting just like our Heavenly Mother Mary . Holding things in her sweet heart. Conversations that were only between her and God. The way I've always wanted to be. I'm getting better as I get older with that and the image of my mother showing me how to do that is getting stronger by the day. 

     I thank my mama for her patience and love that she did show to the family God gave her. She was an adoring wife, and excellent mother and true friend to all who met her. Now I realize that it's not so much in the words but the actions. They say silence is golden for a reason. 

     Oh Jesus! I come to you "just as I am". A sinner. Forgive me, so I can be "just like you".