Their Crosses Pierce my Heart and Soul

Christy Romero | 05/01/2025

“A sword will pierce through your own soul.” Luke 2:35

When I was pregnant with my first child, my grandmother told me: “You will never sleep a full night again.” I thought she referred to the nighttime feedings. I figured by the time they slept through the night, I would go back to sleeping the entire night. How wrong I was. My wise grandmother knew better, and her words couldn’t have been more true. My son will be 37 years old this year, and I can count on the fingers of one hand the nights I have had uninterrupted sleep.

When he was 2 years old, he was diagnosed with encephalitis. I thought I was going to lose him. He had to spend fifteen days in the hospital, and I did not leave his side, except for a few hours to go visit my 1-year-old daughter who was not allowed at the hospital. Every time they came to draw his blood, I wanted to cry. The medication that he was receiving was through an IV, so he had to keep an open line in his little arm which had to be changed every few days. He was a little trooper, and he wouldn’t even cry. I, on the other hand, cried for him. One time, a nurse couldn’t find his vein, and she kept moving the needle inside his arm. He started to cry, and I kicked the nurse out of the room. I told her to send someone that actually knew what she was doing. The cross he had to carry was just too heavy for him, and I wanted to lift it and carry it myself. I kept asking God: “Why do You send such a heavy cross to an innocent child? And why does it hurt me so much?” I recalled Simeon’s prophecy to Mary, and I understood. I felt like a sword was piercing my soul.

My daughter was bullied when she was in middle school. I wanted to go to her school and scream at the girls that were bullying her. But I knew that she too had to learn to stand up for herself. One day, when I picked her up from school, she began to cry in the car. I knew at this point I had to intervene. I made an appointment with her teacher. When I realized that the teacher was looking the other way and would not do anything, I marched myself right into the principal’s office. “A 12-year-old girl should not be dealing with bullies, especially in a Catholic school,” I told her. The principal was sympathetic, but in the end, my daughter had to learn to survive. The experience made her stronger, but it also left deep scars that to this day probably still hurt me more than they do her. It was a heavy cross that I would have done anything to take upon myself. And once again, I felt like a sword had pierced my heart.

My youngest was born with pyloric stenosis and had to have surgery when he was just 15 days old. Oh, how heavy was that cross. Seeing him being wheeled into the operating room was too much for me to bear. I held onto my husband, and I just cried my heart out. When I looked at him, he was crying too. The surgery didn’t last long, but when they brought our baby back, he was crying hysterically. I would have done anything to take that painful little cross from him. And again, the sword cut right through me.

Now that all three of them are adults, their crosses still pierce my heart and soul. My daughter needs to have surgery, and even though she’s married and has her husband with her, I will be by that hospital bed, and I will stay with her until she kicks me out. Whatever I can do to make her cross lighter, I will do.

During Holy week, as we remembered the Passion and Crucifixion of our Lord, the one person I thought about constantly was our Blessed Mother. I could only imagine what she must have felt when her Son was carrying the cross on His way to His crucifixion. How much that cross must have weighed on her. If she could, she would have carried the cross for Him. And then, she had to witness His crucifixion. Each nail must have pierced her soul, just like Simeon had predicted when she first took Jesus to present Him in the temple. Every word that Jesus uttered from the cross must have reverberated inside her head, and she must have pondered each one within her heart on that lonely and painful Saturday.

I recently learned that cells of the unborn baby always stay in the mother after the child is born. This is called fetal microchimerism, and it is scientifically proven. These cells can be found in various maternal tissues, including blood, and organs like the heart and brain, becoming a part of her body for years. The exchange of cells during pregnancy strengthens the emotional and physical bond, creating a unique and enduring relationship. Mothers are said to have a sixth sense when it comes to their children. Now I know why. They remain a part of us forever, and anything that happens to them hurts us much more than anything that happens to us.

How right my grandmother was with her prediction. Even though they all live far away, I still wake up in the middle of the night and pray that they are all fine. Sometimes, I even check “Find My Friends” to make sure they are all in their homes. And now, my crosses and sleepless nights have multiplied because I have acquired three additional kids through their marriages, and I have two grandsons that are constantly on my mind. And yet, in spite of the sleepless nights, I would not change them for the world.

Motherhood has been my greatest pain, but also my greatest joy. I know there will be more crosses in their path that will pierce my heart and soul, but I know the joyful moments will by far surpass the pain. If I could, I would take away their crosses and carry them myself, but since I cannot do that, I will continue to pray daily for my six kids and two grandsons. I entrust them to God, and I know that just like He has sustained me in every storm, He will sustain them too.