Marital Peace, Sacrificial Love

Marital Peace: Sacrificial Love

“To love and to cherish, from this day forward, until death do us part.”

     He peered into her eyes and the love of fifty-four years of marriage passed between them. Straightening the sheets beneath her chin, he allowed his hands to gently frame her face. A lone tear escaped her eye. Wiping it free, Dad leaned forward and tenderly kissed Mom’s forehead.

   My mom, a quite vibrant woman who attended daily Mass, spent the last year of her life as an invalid from the stroke that paralyzed her right side and left her essentially speechless. Yet within this devastation, and throughout my growing years, I learned the greatest lessons in true marital love from my parents. Month upon month, Dad made the almost daily 140 mile round trip journey to be with Mom in the nursing-rehabilitation center in Cheyenne, Wyoming. Such was his routine at least three times a week for about eight months until a room opened in a facility near their home. His visits to Mom then became his daily ritual for the last two months of her life.

   The post World War II culture that witnessed my parents’ courtship and marriage regarded their relationship to be an unlikely match—so diverse were their backgrounds. Mom was the product of a German Catholic family—the tenth of twelve children. Dad was the only child of Baptist parents. Yet amid their diversity, they grew a love that time and death could not extinguish.

   My parents grew a deep love. Their example revealed much to their children and grandchildren, lessons that we can cherish as a most treasured inheritance from the best father and mother that God could have given us.

   Marital love--marital peace--flourishes in an environment of mutual respect. Marital peace stagnates within a win-lose mindset. Marital relationships diminish if spouses yell to prove their sides of a disagreement. Conversely, a spouse does not grow a relationship if he or she bows to the other’s wishes just to avoid an argument. A loving marriage requires respectful communication. Love and peace within my marriage thrive because I willingly give up a little of what I want because I love my husband. And I gain a little of what I want because he loves me.

   Peace within marriage means striving for unconditional love. It means tolerance for the annoying idiosyncrasies of a person who is not me. It is holding hands after fifty-two years of marriage just to feel him near. Continuing to hold hands after the Our Father and Sign of Peace at Mass. It is consciously remembering that I love him at the very moment that he is driving me crazy. It is loving my spouse as God does—in spite of human flaws. Marital love is evident in the small acts that say “I love you. You are the most important person in my life.” It means saying “I’m sorry” when I humanly mess up.

   True love within marriage allows each spouse to grow as a person and as a child of God. Such love is not always easy. It sacrifices and loves the other more than the self. Within this love, one spouse willingly gives up his desires so that she may fulfill a dream that is integrally important to her. Yet, in that sacrifice lies immense reward. We need only look at the cross of Christ to see our model--the ultimate sacrifice that led to an ultimate reward--our salvation. That is the love to which God calls married couples. And working toward that love leads to marital peace.

   There is a little secret that I have yet to divulge. You see, in my parents’ marriage, as in mine, there is a third partner. This partner is an all-perfect love. This partner guided their marriage and guides our marriage. This partner is our most loving God, without Whom deep love cannot grow. Marital love is God loving my husband through me. Marital love is sacrificing a part of myself so that my spouse can grow in God’s love. God must be a part of every marriage.

   All too soon, God called my mom home to be with Him. Although her passing relieved my dad of his marriage vows, his heart could not. He visited her grave often. And I am sure that she visited him. The wedding ring that she gave him in ceremony still graced his finger, the symbol of love that even death could not extinguish.

   Both of my parents have passed and now live, reunited once again, in an eternal, perfect bond of love in Heaven. Their example lives on for us as a heritage of unconditional love, love for us to emulate.

   Marital peace, marital love. God’s peace, God’s love. They are one and the same.