Rule in the Midst of Your Enemies

This morning's scripture verse hit hard. It was unexpected and inexplicably intertwined with my journey, one that has at times been too painful to speak about. It is only now, after four years of prayer, silence, and intense therapy, that I am finally able to talk about the career that I had to leave behind. 

God has taught me that when we are going through storms, it is not wise to try and write about them as they are unfolding. This is like trying to go outside during the fiercest part of a hurricane. We don't walk outside during a natural disaster so that we are safe within the confines of our home. This is also true when we are experiencing suffering and trauma.

Four years later, I wouldn't say that I was unscathed. Being betrayed by someone that you gave your all to for over a decade is a reminder of Judas' kiss. For me, it wasn't so much the betrayal itself but the aftermath that followed, when God chose not to remove the evil, but to remove me.

In recent months, as I have been developing my book about the lessons I learned from God's holy detour in my life, I have often mused on the subject of justice. It is curious to me how someone who has dedicated their career to getting justice for others could not get justice for herself. Herein lies one of the most preeminent lessons that I've learned, the justice the world talks about is not the same justice of God.

I started to understand this about a year or two into my journey. That God's will is to save mankind and to bring all human beings into loving relationship with Him. That what we call justice is oftentimes what we should really call retribution. And there is no justice in that.

This is where my prayer life took a turn. I started praying for the people that were involved in the evil; that God take care of them, and bless them and their families. Despite my hurting and angry heart, I kept praying for them over and over. My godmother reminded me that if I was going to be like Christ, I had to pray the same thing over them that I did for my own family.

It was during this time that I learned that God's justice was rooted in forgiveness. It was almost like the word was masked with a red cape, uncovered only by many prayers and tears.

If I was angry, I prayed, heartbroken, I prayed, devastated, I prayed over and over, and asked God to bless these people. I didn't like it, but I was a Christian. While I sat without a job, incomeless, and with no career, I would oftentimes think of them still there having lost absolutely nothing.

Unexpected loss is a freight train, a punch to the gut, and a loss of consciousness that you didn't see coming. You did nothing to deserve it, and yet God let it happen. Can you still follow Christ after that? Can you even see what may be on the other side of it?

The middleground is where the real work is. Staying committed to God despite how you may feel. Praying and following the scriptures that seem completely antithetical. Love your enemy? Well, this certainly puts it to the test. 

Will you do what I tell you to do? Will you lose everything to follow me?
Sitting here now after four years, I almost can't believe that it took me that long to parcel through my suffering. In experiencing the kiss of Judas, followed by my proverbial death, I knew there had to be a resurrection; Christ promises it.

This is where I am now, healed. I learned more than just how to love my enemies, I have learned how to forgive them. 

In offering my prayers and forgiveness and truly meaning it, God revealed what true justice was- ruling in the midst of my enemies.

"The scepter of your power the Lord will stretch forth from Zion: Rule in the midst of your enemies."- Psalm 110:2

The scripture doesn't say wait until God takes out your enemies to win- it says win in spite of them, win so they can see- like the dead coming back to life. 

Let them see that they could not kill you despite trying.
Seeing this verse brought me back to the time when I was nearly at the brink of death. I lost everything for standing up for righteousness. Goodness didn't win then, but it's winning now. I am not only living, but thriving. God brought me to the promise land, the life that I had prayed for. 
The famous comedian Stephen Colbert once said in an interview with GQ Magazine, "I have learned to love the thing I most wish had never happened." At the time that I read this quote, I just couldn't fathom how he believed that. He was talking about the death of his father and brothers in an airplane accident. In some strange and mystical way, he had learned how to embrace their deaths as part of God's providence. This is when I first began to understand the underpinnings of that quote, inspired by J.R.R. Tolkien, "What punishments of God are not gifts?"

Today, I thank God that I lost my career four years ago. Without this suffering, I would have never pivoted into what God had for me. My dreams of becoming a published author have come true, and soon enough, I'll have a book out about this very thing.

I am ruling in the midst of my enemies.